Page 31 of Casualties of War
Parris got off the sofa and shook out her hair, then pushed it back overher shoulder. The movements displayed the athletic strength and flexibility of her body, encased in tight jeans. Her eyes met his once more. “You are just like Stuart, aren’t you? You still want to save me. To protect me.”
“Of course I do,” he said swiftly. “It doesn’t mean I can’t stand watching you take care of things for yourself.”
She came up to the front of the counter, keeping the marbleslab between them. She leaned against it as Adán was. “It does mean you don’t want me in your life.”
His heart shifted. His pulse threatened to tear an artery. Ithurt. “Why would I ask? I know what you think about Hollywood and actors.”
“Do youwantto ask?” Her gaze wouldn’t let his go.
“Yes,” he breathed. “I want to ask. Only, I would hate myself if I did. This life…it would suffocate you.It would stop you from doing that which I admire the most about you.”
Her chest rose and fell. “You’re making the decision for me?”
Adán straightened and hid his fists behind the counter. “I’m one of the most well-known men in the world, Parris. That’s not ego speaking, either. That’s cold fact. Your work is classified so high you can’t even hint about what continent you’ll be on.”
Parris straightened,too. “Classified is just a designation. You’re not military—”
“You’re black ops, Parris,” he said flatly. “I know the signs. My cousin is exactly like you—his thoughts are always miles away. He goes silent around civilians because there’s so much he can’t talk about and civilian chatter is of no interest to him. You are like him and not only with me. You were like that with Stuart and you weremarried to him. I’m not even American!”
She sucked in a breath and blew it out. “I can’t talk about my work,” she said flatly.
“Ofcourseyou can’t!” He threw his hand out. “I live in a fishbowl. Your career would implode if you stepped into it because that’s whoIam.”
Her breath came fast. Hard.
“I’m not making decisions, either for you or for me,” Adán added, striving to keep his tone reasonable.“Who I am takes all choice out of the equation.”
Parris’ gaze didn’t shift. She didn’t move a muscle. Instead, two tears trickled down her smooth cheeks.
Adán groaned. “God, Parris, don’t look at me that way, I beg you.”
“Then…you do still want me,” she said. “You just won’t ask me.”
He closed his eyes. Agonizing pain tore through him. “Not when asking you will destroy everything you valuein your life.”
She moved around the counter while his pulse grew thready. She touched her lips to his. Adán tightened his fists even further, to stop himself from reaching for her.
“See you around, Adán,” she whispered against his cheek.
* * * * *
As the fishing boat and Adán’s towed sloop pushed up against the long jetty in the big, semi-circular bay, Adán shook off the hot fingers of guilthis last memory of Parris always generated.
After she left, that day, Adán found the last bottle of Vistarian Mescal in the house, put his phone on do-not-disturb and got comprehensively drunk. Then, because there was nothing else to do, he moved on with his life. The mask he showed the world had a new layer of shielding on it, but no one guessed.
Parris, he presumed, went back to the honorabletask of serving her country and when he allowed himself to think of her at all, he admired her strength and determination. He didn’t let the memories linger for long or they would crack the façade. He learned to dismiss them when they rose.
Then war had broken out in Vistaria and everything changed. He found himself thinking of her often and comparing himself to her. Parris was doing the rightthing. She was fighting for her country.
He was not.
The comparison festered, as the war wound on. He grew impatient with movie-making. Justifying his work with the reasoning that people needed stories and diversion was no longer effective.
Yet Nick and Calli, even Olivia in the hospital, had told him there was no role for him in the war. For a while, he accepted that.
No more easy outs, hewhispered silently to himself as he tied the boat up and secured the hatch. He nodded at the lieutenant who directed him to the big house.
Adán walked along the hot planks of the jetty, his heart beating fast and hard. Now would come the testing time.
