Page 18 of Noah
Oh God, can he actually make himself say it aloud? His next breath is uneven with nerves. This is a big deal. Life changing. “I want to take care of him. I want…He needs a daddy. He needs someone to protect him and care for him and be supportive until he can stand on his own two feet. He can’t even sleep alone right now. And I don’t mean any of this sexually, you know? But emotionally he needs someone to take care of him.
“Hmm,” Will says, which tells him nothing. “Do you want to be his daddy? For how long?” He asks as if that’s the only important point about what he’s just said.
“How long? That’s your question?”
“You’re one of my closest friends and so is he. He’s a sub and you’d be a great Dom. Of course, I’ve thought about setting the two of you up. If you’d expressed any interest in pursuing BDSM, I’d have put you two together in a heartbeat. Frankly, I think it’s a great idea. I want to be the best man. But,” Will says, turning serious. “It’s not a great idea if you’re only doing it to help him in the moment. If it isn’t real to you. If the moment he’s stable you’re gonna let him go and stop being his daddy then I’d say no. He deserves better than that. When I met Grant he was a mess. And it was not good timing. But, in a way, it was perfect timing because he was drowning. He needed me and I was able to help him because I wanted what was best for him. I wanted to put him first. I think you’re just like me in that way. You’d put him first. You’d be helping him because he can’t help himself, and I could very easily believe he needs a daddy to take the reins and guide him, support him until he’s able to be more independent.”
“So you don’t think it’s a bad idea,” he says, barely able to believe it.
“It’s only a bad idea if you don’t mean it. Maybe I should ask him about it. I was going to call him after I called you anyway.”
“Well, what would you say?” He asks, curious.
“I don’t know. How is it going? How does he feel about Johann? Does he think he’s going to backslide, is there anything that would help? I think all that would give me a pretty good indication of where he’s at and what he might need. And if it’s a bad idea then you back off. Maybe he comes to stay here for a bit. We have room.”
Jensen does not want him to go stay with Will. But he’ll do what’s best for Noah. “Okay. That sounds like a plan. But you can’t call him right now because he’s taking a nap and I have his phone.”
“Sounds like you already have a daddy/boy relationship,” Will says, amused.
“Well, it’s been almost 24 hours so you know, taking it slow,” he says, sarcastically. “But, uh, let’s say, just to finish the thought exercise here, let’s say I did want to be his daddy and he did want to be my boy and we both wanted to give it a real shot. What does that mean?”
Will laughs. “You’re going to hate this answer but it kind of means whatever you want it to mean. It can be something you do on the weekends. It can be something that happens only in the bedroom. Or only out of the bedroom. It can mean you go on little play dates and take him to the zoo. It can mean you find other daddies and littles and have play dates. It can mean pacifiers or stuffed animals. It can be cartoons. There are lots of different ways to play with that dynamic. But in general, it’s one that’s built on trust and kindness. You behaving responsibly and kindly towards him and wanting to take care of him. And him being sweet and vulnerable to you in return. In some ways, I think he would love to be a boy, but maybe that’s a hard ask for him right now. Do you think he’d be happy being your boy?”
“I…yes? I think so.”
“I can see that. I’m not saying you have to be with him forever obviously, but you should go into it thinking it’s something you want sincerely. And you should talk about your motivations and expectations with him. Be honest.”
“I would be. Of course, I would. My biggest concern is that this is a terrible time for him to get into a relationship. Ultimately, shouldn’t he be given space to recover and have some time to reflect before jumping into another relationship?
“Ideally, sure. Of course. But, the truth is that a lot of people find comfort in a rebound relationship. Or they have affairs so they have the strength to get out of their current situation. I don’t think that’s healthy, but it’s not unusual. And a lot of people, maybe especially someone like Noah, who needs to please, maybe they can only get out of one relationship by jumping into another. It’s not exactly something a psychologist would recommend. But, if the only two options are moving too quickly into a relationship that is good and healthy and exciting and fun for him, or staying in one that is abusive and that he can’t get away from him even though he wants to, then I think it’s a pretty obvious answer.”
He stares into the shop window and the big display of stuffed animals.
“So you really like him, huh? God, I would’ve bet money the two of you would hit it off. Not that anybody would take that bet, but I think you guys would be great together. I can definitely see it. And maybe it’s a little romantic, you showing up as the hero to save him from a terrible fate. Giving him a better life and taking care of him.”
He rolls his eyes, not that Will can see it. “Okay, well let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves here. I have to make sure it’s something he wants.”
“And how are you going to do that?”
“I’ve got a few ideas,” he says, almost certain there’s a large fluffy dolphin trapped under an octopus on aisle three.
9
By the time he gets home, it’s time to make dinner. The apartment is too quiet. He knocks on Noah’s door but there’s no answer. And he’s so concerned over the possibility that Noah has just left and gone back to his ‘master’ that he opens the door and peaks inside.
Thankfully Noah is asleep, facing away from him, and he closes the door quietly and starts getting dinner ready in the kitchen. He puts in headphones and listens to a podcast while he cooks, attention constantly shifting back to the closed door. He’s more worried than he has any right to be considering how long he’s known Noah.
They live together but could barely qualify as friends. How long does it take to make a friend? Can it be done in a matter of hours? Hell, he’s known all kinds of people for years and he wouldn’t consider them friends. But back when he was in the military, one firefight and the newbie next to you is suddenly closer than blood.
Tragedy, fear, necessity, life at stake, all those things accelerate bonds. Maybe that’s why he already feels so enmeshed in Noah’s life. It’s like being bonded together by tragedy. Noah’s circumstances and Will’s demand that he help have swept them into each other’s lives, and now, Noah is special. His in a way that’s too much, too deep, and too fast.
When dinner is ready he knocks again, Noah’s voice is worryingly quiet as he tells Jensen to enter the room.
He’s still in bed. Eyes red-rimmed. It breaks Jensen’s heart to see him like this. That man didn’t deserve Noah. He walks around the bed and sits down beside him, starts brushing his thick, dark hair back from his forehead. It doesn’t even occur to him not to touch. Not when Noah is so obviously struggling, gazing up at Jensen like he’s desperate to be comforted.
“He’s not worth this, sweetheart,” he says.
Noah sniffles and turns his damp cheek so that he’s pressing against Jensen‘s hand like a kitten wanting to be petted.
