Page 21 of Noah
“How long has it been?” He asks because curiosity apparently kills not just cats but weak-willed men.
“Weeks. It’s been…it’s been a really long time,” he says and touches himself lightly before taking his hand away. As if he couldn’t resist.
He’s stunned at the ease of Noah’s surreal statement. Add Noah’s comfort with his own sexual responses into the mix and Jensen can’t do much more than stand there like a gaping idiot.
“Choose what you’re comfortable with, and then come out,” Jensen says.
Noah gives him another soft smile as if this is the best day of his life.
Noah disappears into the bathroom, and Jensen goes to his own room and jerks off because there is no way he’ll be able to stop himself from taking advantage of Noah if he doesn’t. It doesn’t take long, and while it’s a relief, the desire for more, for Noah, is burning under his skin.
He tucks his spent cock away, washes his hands, and goes back out to the living room. Should he turn on the TV? What does one do in a situation like this?
He takes Noah’s phone and texts Ruby to tell her that Noah won’t be able to come in tonight, ignoring the 15 missed calls from Noah’s abusive ex.
The man Noah thinks he deserves to go back to.
Maybe that helps put things in perspective.
What if tonight isn’t about him taking advantage of Noah? What if that is the last thing he should be worried about because tonight is actually a chance to show Noah what he really deserves?
To be taken care of, pampered, wooed, and to feel safe. Tenderness.
Jensen is going to do that even if it kills him.
10
Noah strips down in the bathroom and gets into the shower. It’s a relief. It does exactly what Jensen told him it would—cleanses the misery away. Gives him a few moments to enjoy pleasure and being in his body. This is something he finds pleasure in.
Taking the time to wash his hair and loofah his body and all the ugliness (at least metaphorically) washes down the drain.
A new start.
He’s happy to lean pretty hard on this metaphor truth be told.
He shaves his face, getting rid of his five o’clock shadow so that his skin is smooth, just in case he’s able to talk Jensen into using his mouth to pleasure him tonight. And it only seems right, that if he’s going to be a boy, he should be as smooth as possible. Soft and available and pleasant to touch. He’s tempted to make himself slick inside just in case, but the odds of Jensen using him that way don’t seem very high.
Plus, while it’s superstitious, prepping himself for anal would likely jinx it.
Best to not even get his hopes up.
He can’t imagine what Jensen will expect of him. Maybe Jensen doesn’t even know what he expects! He doesn’t have any experience being a daddy. Although Noah’s certain the man will figure it out as being a daddy oozes out of him. It’s who he is.
Every soft word and gentle touch, every easy compliment and the obvious concern he has for Noah fills up a little empty space inside that he didn’t even know was hollow. He is such a mess. Such an unbelievable mess that all he can do is cry and think of what he’s lost. Even though he knows he’s lost nothing.
Maybe just the death of a dream. A death of self. He needs to start again and discover who he is and what he likes. What he’ll tolerate. What he deserves.
Better than what he had doesn’t seem too controversial.
Bizarre. He never thought he’d get to this point in his life.
And yet, he isn’t completely a lost cause. Most of his life might be lemons but Jensen is lemonade. Or sugar. Maybe both.
Jensen is a once-in-a-lifetime man that has appeared at his weakest moment to help and offer comfort and safety. He’d be a fool not to take the opportunity presented to him. He’s never met someone who feels as right as Jensen does.
Which should mean that it will be easy calling Jensen daddy. Isn’t it just a word?
Except.
