Page 5 of Our Bright Christmas Town
I looped a string of lights around the lower part of the tree, anything to busy my hands. The flat was too damnquietaround us. “So you’re looking to date a bloke?”
He let out a low, uncertain chuckle. “I guess so? Yeah. So, know anyone who’s available?”
My heart was hammering, and if I read between the lines… Maybe, yeah. God. Maybe hewasoffering, and it made my vision swim a little because, fuck, I’d been in love with him for… for years.Years. I couldn’t be just some experiment for him, a way to test the waters without getting wet.
I must have been silent for too long because he started talking again, a few pine needles drifting to the floor when he hung the first bauble. “I mean, honestly though. It’s all just kind of new, you know? Like, with girls, I know how it works. But with guys, I don’t really...” His jaw twitched as he studied the curve of the tree, then shot me a quick glance. “I’m not even sure how to tell if someone’s interested.”
“Um,” I said with pointed emphasis because, seriously? “Easy. They’re less than straight, and you’re you. Tall, handsome, doctor in training...” Okay,fuck, too much. Time to backtrack. “Ideally, they haven’t seen you snort orange juice through your nose when you were ten.”
“What—you saying that’s not an attractive look for me?” His tone was easy, but I didn’t miss the way his gaze flickered away. So he’d… He had been coming on to me. Maybe—probably? Bloody hell, this was... God, I didn’t even know. I needed to fix my face, not look so... something,whatever.
“Look, I’m just saying, like...” I hesitated for a beat, then patted his shoulder.Awkward. Kieran and I were never awkward. “Guys tend to be pretty obvious, and if you want to date someone first, I’m sure you’ll find plenty of willing candidates.”
And I’d want to strangle every single one of them with my bare hands, but that was neither here nor there. Icouldn’tbe his gay experiment. Not when I knew he’d head back to London after Christmas, leaving me behind with the sudden knowledge of how it felt to almost have him.
“Well, maybe.” He gave me a lopsided smile. “But I don’t fancy swiping left or right in some stupid app.”
“You know there are placesyou can go to, right? They’re called gay bars.”
“I just... I don’t know.” He lifted a shoulder, intent on putting up another bauble. “I wouldn’t even know what to wear.”
I tried for a smirk. “Ideally? As little as possible.”
It drew a small laugh from him before he sobered again, gaze finding mine. Hesitating. “I’d probably look like an idiot wandering in by myself, though.”
“Kieran.” I shook my head. “You’re the kind of guy who walks into a party knowing not a single person, and an hour later, you’re friends with everyone.”
“No, that’s Dom.”
“Fair. But, look. If you really are that worried, I can be your wingman, if you want. Show you the ropes.”
Oh no.
Ohno.
Sometimes, my mouth moved faster than my brain. This was one of those times, because had I really just...? Yeah. Bloodyhell.
“My wingman?” He sounded about as surprised as I felt, but in for a penny, in for a pound.
I reached for a nonchalant grin and slapped it onto my face. “Sure. We can hit some bar in Newcastle, and I’ll point out all the guys who are interested. Which will be most of them, just so we’re clear.” My gut cramped. Wow, look at that—my brand-new masochistic streak in all its glory. “Give you a proper confidence boost before you head back to London and find yourself a guy.”
He studied me for a second, then ducked his head. “You wouldn’t mind?”
I’ll hate every fucking second.
The walls felt too small, my chest cracked wide open. I’d just—God. I’d just shot him down, hadn’t I? Kind of. My best friend, the guy I’d been in love with since I understood what it meant, and he’d pretty much implied that he was interested. But he probably just wanted a safe first time, and I was the nearest safe person.
“It’s no big deal,” I said. “Could do tomorrow night, before our get-together with the lads on the twenty-third?”
He downed the rest of his Bailey’s and set the glass aside, then shot me a smile tinged with determination. “Okay, sounds good. Let’s do it.”
I smiled back and fought the urge to bang my head against the wall.
CHAPTER 2
Kieran
December 22nd
