Page 1 of Won't Let Go
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This isthe day I die.
The months of planning will finally pay off, and I’ll be at peace, no longer a burden to those I hold dear.
My beautiful son, Hunter, has the support of the Sacred Sinners, my best friend, and her son, Josh. The brothers will keep him safe. His notes, the ones I wrote to follow him through every stage of life, are tucked away in my nightstand—one for each milestone birthday, to his wedding, his first child, and all the other important moments I’ll miss.
Standing inside my pool, the water ripples under my breasts as I pick up a shot of tequila off my pool deck. I raise the amber-filled glass to Loretta, my best friend, who watches me with a feeble smile as her feet soak in the chlorinated water. To join me, she sips a frozen margarita from a red cup. I toss the drink back. It burns a trail to my belly, where it expands, warming me from the inside out.
The moonlight and stars keep us company as low rock music serves as a backdrop to the crickets and cicadas witnessing the last moments of my life.
What a life it has been.
Knocked up young, abused, and unwanted.
Hunter never stood a chance. Not with a mother like me. I couldn’t keep his father happy, or anyone, for that matter. It’s been years since I even tried.
Wading through the water, my fingertips graze over the inky top as I spin, staring up at the sparkly sky.
This is the perfect night to let go.
To be at peace.
To some, they’ll say it’s letting them win—the men who drove me to this cliff. But I’ve tried everything from therapy to medications. Some wounds never heal.
The nightmares never cease.
Their violating hands are everywhere, even when I’m awake.
My screams still echo like I’m yelling in a dark, empty room, cold and alone, with no way out.
I wasn’t the only one of us to go through it, but two of the others are gone now. Dead. And Beth, sweet, sweet, innocent Beth, is off somewhere else, healing, I hope.
Loretta and Kit didn’t experience what I did. Sure, they went through some, but they weren’t the favorite. The fat woman was fun to hurt. To make bleed. To rip apart. To take. To ruin.
Each day, those vile men, who ripped us from our families to get back at the Sacred Sinners, carved away the woman I was, piece by agonizing piece. The strong and sassy, loving and supportive, fun me. The tattoo artist. The mother. The sister. The friend.
That Jade is long gone—a woman I no longer recognize.
A woman nobody recognizes.
From the weight loss and the hair—they shaved my head—I not only look different, I am different.
This is what I need.
To die.
To be freed from my prison.
I promised Loretta that I’d give myself a year to heal, but that time has come to an end. I’m ready. My will is complete. There is plenty of money for Hunter. The house was paid off by the club last year as some pity payment for their involvement in my abduction, pain, and suffering. Like that somehow washes the memories away.
The sisters will understand, and if they don’t, that’s no longer my problem.
Loretta gets it. She held my hand when they dragged me back into the creepy closet, blood coating the inside of my thighs as my pussy and asshole bled, only to be reopened the next day.
It’s like razor blades ripping apart your insides when someone fucks you, swollen and injured.
The metallic scent of your blood mingles with their vile breath.
