Page 1 of Lose to Win: Lost Trilogy: Part 3
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Puck
My dearest Lucas,
I’m sure things have gone south by the time you find these letters. It all happened just as it was supposed to. I know you hate me for everything, for the life I created for you. I sometimes hate myself for it as well. I did not expect the mistake I made with Blake Adams to follow me around for the rest of my days.
I know this sounds bad to say and that you are most likely to take this the wrong way. But you were probably my best mistake. I did love you in my own way. I tried. But by the time I realized that I am not the type of person who should ever have children, it was too late. You were here. I had to learn to live with seeing you every day, pretending that I have maternal instincts… Until one day, when I realized that I didn’t care at all. Not just about you, but about life in general.
I’ve always chased a dream… I wanted to feel something… Anything… The pain Kenny is giving me is truly the only emotion running through my body.
Years of therapy and medication taught me this. I am laughing as I’m writing this because I know it’s the meds that make me feel sentimental all of a sudden…
* * *
I stop reading my mother’s letter. In fact, I drop it like it’s burning my fingers. I knew going in that I would not find anything pretty. But I was hoping it would not be as informative as it is. Or at least, not when it comes to my mother’s feelings toward me, or lack thereof.
A knock at the door, brings me back to the present. I need to focus. I need to figure out where Bricks is. We have confirmation that it is him who wants to take Becca out, which is why Dylan needs to know about it. I feel responsible in a weird way. I am telling him today. Devereaux knows about it.
“Puck,” Sully calls from the other side of the door. “The computer downstairs is going crazy with messages. I can make out some of it, but I’m not you, so you need to come take a look.”
I jump into action and rip the door open. I wanted to take a break earlier, so I left everything on while I ran upstairs and started reading on the first letter of the stack Shortie gave me in what seems to be a lifetime ago.
I run down the stairs, then slide with my socks on the hardwood floor until I land perfectly in my chair at the desk.
“Jesus,” I hear Sully muttering from behind me, making me laugh.
I take in what I’m looking at on the screen.
“Ah, for fuck’s sake,” I point at it. “They are ridiculous.”
“What’s going on?”
“They want to pay twenty-five thousand to off Becca,” I snort. “And pay half before, half once it’s done.”
“That’s a bit low,” he sounds just as amused.
“Yeah, for sure. No one is going to do it for that.” I roll my eyes and spin in the chair to face him.
“But what if someone actually does?” He watches me closely, making me stop. He’s right. Just because we don’t think it’s worth risking your freedom for, it doesn’t mean some low life out there is not desperate enough to accept the offer.
“I’m gonna bid on it.”
I spin back around and start typing away on the computer, listening to Sully as he moves around somewhere in the background. Once I’m done, we wait. That gives me some time to look Sully over.
“Where do you go when you’re not here?” I asked him about it before, but he’s always sketchy with is answers.
“Out,” he shrugs once again.
“Anywhere in particular?” I squint my eyes at him. Something is up.
“None of your business, brother. Not like I need to be babysat.” He then gives me a pointed look. “Like some people.”
“Low blow, dude,” I call after him when he starts walking away.
Seeing that my lead on the dark web has disconnected for now, I log off as well. Well, not all the way, but I make sure to remain in ghost mode, where I can still get notifications if they come back on, but they can’t see me.
A look at the clock at the bottom of the screen reminds me that I have to go get Emily from work. I’m running a few minutes behind.
