Page 86 of My Heart's Doctor
I hurried to put on the condom and positioned myself between her legs again. I placed myself at her entrance and, with one thrust, entered her body, sinking deeper and deeper until I was completely buried inside her. We both closed our eyes and let out a loud moan, and for a few seconds, I remained still, kissing her lips, face, and neck; feeling her and enjoying her body enveloping me with its tightness. The connection with Devon was so intense that my heart was beating in a strange way, like it had never done before, of that I was certain.Devon wrapped her legs and arms around me, and slowly I began to withdraw from her body until I was almost completely out before plunging back into her. The thrusts became increasingly stronger and faster, accompanied by our moans that were now uncontrollable. I joined my hands with hers, interlacing our fingers, and raised them above her head. Orgasm was imminent, and we managed to reach it simultaneously. It was an endless orgasm that made us tremble and scream with absolutely no control over our bodies, hearts, or souls. An electric current ran through my entire body, making me lose all sense of everything; I was only capable of feeling and looking at her. What I experienced was so powerful that I collapsed on top of her, feeling as if I had fainted. I buried my face in her shoulder, trying to recover and normalize the racing beats of my heart. I felt moved and terrified. What was happening to me with Devon? It was as if all my foundations had shifted and my orderly world was crumbling. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before, and I wasn’t clear what it meant, though I was beginning to suspect, and that scared the hell out of me.
For a few minutes we remained silent and embraced. Each processing what we had experienced.
“I can’t explain what you make me feel, Devon; nothing comes close to what I feel when I’m with you,” I confessed.
“It’s, it’s... very intense,” she finally said.
“Intense and incredible.”
I withdrew from her and removed the condom, tied it off and left it on the floor. Then I lay down beside her, turning on my side with my head propped on my hand to look at her seriously.
“‘Sweet,’ we need to talk about us.”
She lowered her gaze, which worried me.
“Why did you propose a relationship?” she asked, with shyness or sadness, I couldn’t tell which.
“Because I want to share with you everything that couples do and see where it leads us,” I replied, and noticed that upon hearing this, her eyes opened wide, and that gesture only increased my concern.
I was aware of what she thought about love and marriage, and I knew that her disappointment with her first marriage made her cautious, so I would have to take things slowly. Slow but steady.
“What do you mean?” she asked nervously.
“I mean a relationship that grows and that might inspire us to...”
“No, William,” she said firmly, interrupting me, then got up and left the bed to start looking for her clothes.
“What’s wrong, ‘Sweet’? What do you mean when you sayno?” I asked, concerned, and getting out of bed to go to her, but first I put on my boxer shorts because the conversation seemed to be turning too serious to be naked.
“I told you I don’t want to go through that again. I don’t want a relationship that leads to thinking about marriage witheverything that implies. I don’t aspire to or want to get married again. It seems right that you want to form a family because you and Aurora deserve it, but I can’t offer you that. It’s better if I leave,” she said, picking up her clothes and heading toward the bathroom.
I was so astonished that it took me a few minutes to react. Was I so wrong? I had believed that she felt the same way I did. Why was she denying us the possibility of getting to know each other better and trying to be happy?
I caught up with her before she reached the bathroom and grabbed her arm.
“Why?”
I noticed her eyes were glistening, as if she was about to cry.
“Because I can’t.”
“You can’t or you don’t want to? Don’t you feel anything for me?” I risked asking.
Devon let out a sigh, lowered her gaze and went back to the bed to sit down. She covered her body with her clothes and hugged herself. She looked defeated, and that squeezed my heart. I didn’t like seeing her like this. I went over, sat beside her and turned to face her.
“Tell me what’s happening. Why don’t you want to be with me?”
“I didn’t say that,” she sighed, raised her eyes and looked at me with sadness. “I suppose when you saysee what happensyou’re referring to a future together.”
“I’m referring to a future where we can form a family with Aurora and the children we might have,” I stated, but that seemed to sadden her even more because she could no longercontain the tears that began to silently roll down her cheeks. “What’s wrong, Devon? Why are you getting like this?” I asked, concerned and gently wiping her tears with my hands.
“And that’s what you deserve, but I can’t offer you what you want. I will never be able to give you what you dream of.”
“Are you talking about feelings? Do you think you can’t love or that you can’t love me?”
“No, to all your questions. Nobody has control over that emotion, even if I tried I know I can’t manage it. We were naive when we established the rule ofno falling in love.As if we had powers to prevent it, nobody escapes that feeling, even with all their willpower. It’s beyond our understanding and judgment.” She looked at me with that infinite sadness and my fears grew because I saw the decision in her gaze. “Although I really enjoy being with you and, right now, there’s nothing I want more, I can’t be selfish, I have to be honest with you. I can’t give you the family you desire and the right thing is to spare us greater suffering.”
“I still don’t understand. Why can’t you?”
