Page 105 of My Heart's Doctor
“I’m already a father, if that’s what worries you. And if I weren’t, it wouldn’t worry me either.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am. So?”
“Do you really want us to get married?” I asked, but this time with a big smile.
“It’s what I want most.”
His words eliminated all my reservations.
“Then let’s get married,” I answered, and happiness illuminated his face as he moved closer to kiss me, pouring into that kiss all the immense love we felt and that overwhelming passion that was uncontrollable.
Chapter 19
“Love is a precious pearl that, if not possessed, nothing else matters, and if possessed, everything else is superfluous.”
—Saint Augustine of Hippo
William
Ineeded to say something, I swallowed hard, but no sound came from my mouth. I think even my lungs forgot they needed to breathe. Where had all my damn confidence gone? I, the powerful and cold Cavaller, felt like an insignificant insect next to her. Only she could reduce me to this state.
It was Devon who finally broke the silence.
“William, what are you doing here?”
“I came to see you and talk to you. May I come in?” I asked, making a great effort to string together something coherent.
“I think in our last conversation things were made clear, I don’t think that…”
“Actually, in our last conversation nothing was clear because I didn’t say anything. May I come in?” I insisted, interrupting her, because I wasn’t going to leave without explaining everything I had to say and what I was feeling.
She looked at me hesitantly, but after a few seconds that felt like an eternity, she stepped away from the door so I could enter her apartment.
“Come in.”
I quickly entered and stood watching as she closed the door. I had to make a tremendous effort not to run to her, embrace her and kiss her until she lost her senses. Just looking at her had me aroused. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before.
“I missed you, ‘Sweet,’” I stated, unaware that my thoughts had been verbalized.
“If what you want is to sleep with me again, my answer is no. Forget about me,” she affirmed, decisively.
“Forget you? I would forget you, if only I knew how,” I said, preparing the path that would lead me to confess, for the first time in my life, what my heart felt and what I had discovered thanks to her.
“Don’t say that, William,” she said, shaking her head and not hiding how nervous she was.
“I say it because it’s the truth. Why did you leave?” I asked, and tried to approach her, but she avoided me and walked to the armchair, taking a seat there.
“Why wouldn’t I? When I confessed that I couldn’t have children, as you just mentioned, you said nothing, you just stared at me and let me go. I assumed your silence and inaction meant that what we had couldn’t be. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not reproaching you because I understand that what I can offer isn’t what you want, and that’s understandable. What you desire is what everyone desires, even I desired it once, but I can’t offer it to you and there’s nothing I can do to change that,” she stated, and although she tried not to make it sound like a reproach, I know it was, and she was right. By remaining silent, I had behaved like a cruel son of a bitch. But I had come to make things clear and I wasn’t planning to leave until I did.
“Are you finished?” I asked, and walked to the armchair where she was sitting and sat down too.
“It depends,” she replied.
“May I speak?”
“You don’t need to say anything, really. I think it would have been better if you hadn’t come and we’d left things as they were. I suppose you must be angry, they always get angry with me,” she said, and her defeated attitude broke my heart and I wished I had her ex in front of me so I could beat the crap out of him for making her suffer like that.
