Page 57 of My Heart's Doctor
“Cavaller, I don’t want to talk to you. I’m tired and I want to go to bed,” she said, after sighing wearily.
“That makes two of us,” I stated, with a double meaning and smiling discreetly.
“What?” she asked, looking at me with a furrowed brow.
“Open the door, the doorman is watching us.”
“You’re not going to leave, are you?”
“No, not until we talk.”
“Fine. But I’m making it clear that after this conversation, I don’t want anything more to do with you,” she stated, causing me to feel that uncomfortable sensation in my chest again with those words.
We entered her building, greeted the doorman, and took the elevator up. I couldn’t stop looking at her; she was truly so beautiful that my hands trembled with the desire to touch her, but it seemed I didn’t inspire the same feelings in her. She confronted me as soon as we entered her apartment.
“We’re here now, tell me what you have to say,” she said, taking a seat in one of the living room armchairs.
“May I sit down?”
“Go ahead.”
“I want to know why you didn’t call me. We had agreed on that. Didn’t you want to see me?”
“As I told you, I was busy,” she responded, very casually.
“Stop addressing me formally. And don’t give me the excuse about lack of time because you went out with your friends, which leads me to conclude that you preferred to meet with them rather than with me,” I pointed out, letting all my anger show.
“From what I saw, you also had plans for today, so I don’t understand the reproach. Besides, if you were interested in seeing me, you could have called me too.”
Touché. I had to give her credit for that one; she had seen me having dinner with a woman.
“That’s true, but we had agreed that you would do it,” I reminded her.
“Very well, then let me make something clear. I’ve been thinking it over and I’m afraid I’ll have to decline your proposal,” she said, very calmly, and at that moment I felt my stomach churning.
“Are you telling me you don’t want us to be lovers?” I asked, not sure if I had used the best words.
“I’m saying that what you’re proposing doesn’t work for me.”
“And may I know why you changed your mind?” I asked, unable to hide the sarcasm because it bothered me that she changed her opinion without explanations.
“I understand that what we would have would be an affair, but I had thought it would be just you and me in that affair. Today I realized I was wrong and that you would also be seeing other women. I was naive, I know, and I regret it because I said yes to something I’m now unwilling to do, I’m sorry. I don’t accept you leaving my bed and getting into others, nor do I accept seeing you with other women, that’s not for me. Having said that, and cleared up the misunderstanding, I have nothing more to say,” she stated, and stood up as ifinvitingme to leave.
That confirmed what I thought—Devon believed I was on a date. On the other hand, she was telling me she wanted fidelity and, although we hadn’t explicitly stated it, I had thought that was clear. I also wanted the relationship we were going to have to be without third parties because I couldn’t bear the idea of her being with others and, therefore, I wasn’t planning to be with other women either. It was time to make that clear.
“Sit down because I haven’t yet said what I think.”
“Stop giving me orders, you have the bad habit of ordering instead of asking for things and it’s very annoying,” she protested.
“Sit down,” I ordered, without taking into account what she had just told me, causing her to let out a loud snort veryuncharacteristic of her, which made me look at her with a raised eyebrow.
“Why did you think our relationship would be monogamous?” I asked, mostly to be clear about what she thought of the relationship, because it was obvious we hadn’t been very clear about each other’s expectations.
“Because I’ve never been in an open relationship and I never would be,” she stated, and that made me feel an irrational joy.
“Why?” I insisted, to know what she was thinking.
“I already told you, because I don’t like sharing my partner, who in your case would just be the man I have sex with, though that doesn’t change what I think.”
