Page 58 of My Heart's Doctor
For her, we would only be partners in bed. Perhaps I hadn’t been very clear. Yes, I had told her I didn’t want us to get emotionally involved, and she had agreed, but that didn’t mean we were only going to see each other in secret and only for sex.
“I never said we would be in an open relationship; you came to that conclusion all by yourself.”
“I came to it after seeing you with a woman. I think it’s more of a fact than an assumption,” she stated, and I had to give her credit for that too because she had no way of knowing that Leonor was my former sister-in-law and that we were only in afamilymeeting, so to speak.
“But you didn't call me and I thought you weren't going to,” I said, but at that moment, seeing her expression, I knew it wasn't the best comment.
“William, only four days had passed since you'd been in my bed, four measly days and you were already with someone else. I'm sure you had no intention of being faithful to me, because it's obvious that fidelity isn't your thing. I'm not going to risk it with you because I know I'll end up losing.”
And that hurt. It was clear she didn't know me. What had led her to conclude that I was unfaithful?
“Losing? And what would you lose?”
“My dignity, because I'd be accepting things I don't like,” she stated, and her comment hurt again, she was hitting me hard and making me feel like garbage.
“From my perspective, you'd only be winning because I'm going to give you a lot of pleasure,” I commented, and at that moment I tried to get closer to her, but she stopped me with her cold and decisive comment.
“No, William. I'm not going to change my way of thinking nor do I intend to convince you that what I think is right. I'm not judging you, everyone is how they are, and I'm not going to change. I've had to weather too many storms to be at peace, and I don't want to put myself back in the eye of the hurricane.”
What was she making me out to be? I wasn't some son of a bitch and I always respected the women I was with. The times I had dated more than one woman, it was because things were clear and we both agreed.
“Are you saying you consider me a hurricane in your life?”
“Something like that.”
“And if I told you I wasn't on a date? Would you believe me?” I asked, to know if she was capable of believing in me or if she was sentencing me without giving me her vote of confidence.
She observed me carefully and then sentenced me firmly.
“No.”
“You wouldn't believe me,” I lamented, completely disappointed.
“I don't find you to be a trustworthy man,” she stated, and that hurt me to my soul, it hurt so much that even I was surprised by what I was feeling.
“Is that your final word?” I asked, annoyed at her unjustified censure, and I stood up.
“Yes,” she responded with conviction, and although it hurt, I knew I had nothing more to say because she had already sentenced me.
The disappointment I felt was immense.
“May I ask that you allow me to see Aurora again? Whenever she wants, of course,” she asked.
“I think it's better if you don't see each other anymore,” I responded with certainty. If she thought that about me, it was better to break any kind of relationship.
“I can understand that. Goodbye, William, I wish you the best,” she said, but I noticed her anguish, and I assumed it was because of Aurora since she had made it clear to me that I wasn't a man who was up to her standards.
“Dr. Dulcet,” I greeted, returning to formality.
I left there feeling a void beginning to grow inside me and devouring me from within, clawing at my chest and making me feel something I had never felt before. What the hell was that?
When I got into the elevator, I leaned against one of the walls. I had no reason to feel this way, I was a powerful man, I could have any woman I wanted... except her, who evidently thought I wasn't worth it. I shook my head. I wasn't going to waste any more of my time on Dr. Dulcet.
A week later I was back in New York on business matters. The week after the conversation with Devon had been quitedepressing. During those days I had decided to go out and have fun like I hadn't in a long time, but to my disappointment, I hadn't achieved my goal and with each passing day I felt emptier, a void that seemed impossible to fill. I had been with many women because I needed to vent, but with none of them had I been able to appease that emptiness growing inside me, nor the desire consuming my insides every time I thought of her, of Devon Dulcet. I was used to sharing my body with a woman without sharing anything more than pleasure, but in the recent encounters I hadn't even connected with my casual bed companion. I don't know if it was right or not, but I had focused on women who resembled her, who had something of the doctor who had been stealing my sleep for some time, perhaps if I found what I had felt with Devon I could make her disappear from my head. But when I had the women in front of me, I began to look for her eyes, her mouth, her scent, her smile, her... I was looking for her. Unfortunately for me, no one could compare to her. The longing was too great. With Devon it had been different from any previous experience, it had been intimate and personal, I hadn't just shared my body, I think I had also shared my soul. I was in trouble.
Aurora kept asking for Devon, but I had spoken with Alba so they wouldn't see each other anymore. I had given her any excuse and she hadn't questioned it. My daughter's sadness made me feel selfish, but it was necessary for us to distance ourselves from that woman.
I had placed all my hopes on the trip to New York because I was convinced it would help improve my mood. This time I had traveled with Xavier, which assured me of nighttime outings most of the days we would be there. The issue was that we had already been there for three days and I was still in the same condition.
