Page 50 of Holiday Star
“You know Caleb has a whole management team, right? He has agents and publicists, even lawyers on retainers. I guess some young girls got pictures of Caleb while you were out caroling? Do you know what I’m talking about?”
“Yeah. What about them?” There’s trepidation in my voice. Warning bells ring faintly in the back of my brain.
My mother is a good-enough person that she sounds regretful. “Those girls tried to post the pictures on the internet. Caleb’s team intercepted the photos before they went viral. Marjorie and Ben talked to the girls and their family.”
She pauses, waiting for my reaction, but I don’t know what to say because I haven’t figured it out yet. What is she getting at?
“They paid those girls, honey. Gave them money to stay silent. Made them sign an agreement not to post the pictures. They want to protect Caleb and give him the privacy he needs. Haven’t you wondered why it’s been so quiet around there? Why there aren’t reporters and paparazzi knocking down your door?” She speaks slowly, giving space between each word so they can sink in.
I feel dumb because I haven’t wondered about that. It didn’t occur to me. “I just assumed we were doing a stellar job of hiding Caleb. Keeping it quiet that he was here,” I tell her in a small voice, realizing that I’ve been naive.
I’m not powerful enough to keep Caleb safe on my own.
His team had been working in the background, sheltering him.
“Marjorie and Ben are trying to protect him. Give Caleb some space and quiet. He has things he needs to figure out. He doesn’t need complications right now.”
That’s me. I’m the complication.
I don’t tell her about how Caleb quit his entire career. I wonder if his parents are already aware. It’s possible that I haven’t given Marjorie and Ben enough credit. I see that in their own way they’re trying to be good parents to Caleb. To give him the time he needs to heal. It must have been terrifying for them too when he almost died in that car crash.
“Does Caleb know about that? The money and those girls?” I ask quietly, wondering why he never mentioned it to me. Is he hiding it or is that just such a common occurrence in his life that he thinks it’s not noteworthy enough to bring up?
“I’m not sure,” Mom says. “I’m glad they paid those girls, though. It not only protected Caleb, but you too. You need to be careful around him. You have your future to think about.”
She continues. “In a few years, you’ll apply for a fellowship program. How would it look to them if you got caught in a scandal with Caleb? Every girl he’s seen with ends up on a magazine’s cover, even if they’re just friends and not dating.”
She doesn’t know about the kissing and sex. My first thought is,Good, I don’t want her to know.When I think about it some more, I start to get angry again. Why does my mom assume that Caleb and I are only friends? It doesn’t even occur to her that we could be something more. Does she believe I couldn’t attract someone like him? Like I’m too far beneath him?
She goes on, oblivious to how I might be feeling. “It’s dangerous, Gwen. Your life is too different from his. He’s all drama, and you’re…”
“What, Mom?” I demand. “I’m what?”
My rage builds slowly, a kettle on the stove about to boil over.
She sighs. “You’re just Gwen. Sweet, smart, dependable Gwen.”
I know she says it with love, but it makes me want to scream. I want to stamp my foot, throw myself on the ground like a toddler.
“What if I don’t want to be sweet and dependable?” I snap. “What if there are different parts of me, ones that even you’ve never seen, that I want to explore? How would that make you feel?”
A shocked silence from the other end of the phone. I’veneverspoken to my mother that way. Especially after Dad died, my whole family has tiptoed around each other, scared to crack the eggshells at our feet.
Through her quiet, I can sense her hurt grow. Guilt and regret slice through my fury. This is my mom. She’s loved me, sacrificed for me, suffered more tragedy than most. Who am I to add to her misery?
“Sorry.” I soften my tone. “I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just that you’re overreacting. Caleb is a good person, and I enjoy spending time with him.”
“I don’t want you to be hurt.” Her voice becomes pleading. “Promise me you won’t do anything stupid with him. That you’ll keep your distance.”
It’s a vow I can’t keep. One that I’ve already broken, but if I tell the truth, I know she’ll try to break us up. The entire family will get involved. All of them butting in, giving their opinion ofourrelationship.
I only have a few more weeks with Caleb before I go back to New York. Selfishly, I want to keep him all to myself. To stay in this bliss-filled bubble we’ve created together. If I’m honest with Mom, that bubble will pop.
So I lie.
“Don’t worry. I won’t get close to him. I promise.”
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