Page 67 of The Space He Left
"Sam calls her that. A viper. I just... sorry. It's not funny."
"Actually, it kind of is," Harper said, and for a moment her face softened into something that looked almost like a real smile. Her posture relaxed slightly, some of the rigid tension leavingher shoulders. "Sam's always been good at cutting through bullshit."
The moment of levity seemed to shift something between us – not forgiveness, but maybe the recognition that we'd once been friends as well as lovers. That underneath all this pain, there was still some foundation of who we'd been together.
Harper was quiet for a moment, and I could see her weighing something carefully. She took a deep breath, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. When she spoke again, there was something different in her expression – not just pain, but something that looked almost like guilt.
"Jack, I made mistakes too."
I raised an eyebrow, genuinely surprised. My whole body stilled. In all our months of separation, Harper had been so controlled, so justified in her anger that I'd never expected her to admit any wrongdoing.
"The letter," she said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. "The one my lawyer sent when I got home from the hospital, threatening divorce if you tried to see Emma more than twice a week. I should never have done that."
I felt something shift in my chest – a loosening of a knot I hadn't even realized was still there. That letter had been like a knife through my heart, arriving just days after Emma's birth when I was already drowning in guilt and regret.
"I was so angry, Jack." Her voice was shaking now, her hands trembling as she pressed them against her thighs. "So hurt and angry that I wanted to hurt you back. I wanted you to feel as powerless as I'd felt during all those weeks when you kept choosing Madison over me." She looked up at me, tears streaming down her face. "But using Emma as a weapon against you... that was wrong. I'm surprised you didn't challenge it."
"I did speak to my lawyer," I admitted, leaning forward slightly. "He told me the letter wasn't legally binding, that I could go to court and probably get fifty-fifty custody."
"Why didn't you?" Her eyes searched my face, as if she couldn't understand why I hadn't fought her.
I thought about those dark days right after Emma's birth, when I'd been living at Sam's and trying to process the magnitude of what I'd lost. "Because I'd hurt you so badly that I understood where the anger was coming from. I thought maybe you were right, maybe I didn't deserve more time with Emma after what I'd done."
"But legally, you had every right—"
I held up a hand, stopping her. "Harper, legal rights and moral rights aren't the same thing. Yes, I could have fought you in court. I could have forced you to give me more time with Emma. But you were a new mother dealing with the betrayal of your husband, and I was the one who'd caused that pain. Fighting you seemed like just another way of putting my needs ahead of yours."
I took a shaky breath, deciding on complete honesty. "Besides, she did see me more often than twice a week. At my parents' house."
"I know," Harper said quietly.
I felt my stomach drop, surprised by her admission. "How? I was so careful. The first time you dropped her off and I was there, I practically ran for the door. Dad had to talk me into staying. Harper, please don't be angry with them. They never told me you were coming. It was always a coincidence."
"It wasn't a coincidence, Jack." She held up a hand, cutting me off gently. "And I'm not angry with them. They didn't do anything without my permission."
I stared at her, confused. "Permission?"
"Our moms... they talked," she explained, her voice soft. "My mom suggested it. That from time to time, when I needed a break, I could let your parents know, and they could make sure you 'happened' to be there."
"So all those times... when I was helping Dad in the garage and you'd drop Emma off for an hour... that was planned?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
"It was planned," she confirmed, a fresh wave of tears spilling down her cheeks. "I was still so angry at you, but I was already starting to see that punishing you was punishing Emma. I wanted her to know her father, even if I wasn't ready to face you myself. I just… I didn't know how to take back a legal letter without looking weak. I didn't know how to change the rules I'd made when I was so hurt."
The knowledge that she had secretly sanctioned those "coincidences," that she and our moms had been quietly orchestrating these moments for months, undid me. I thought I was living in fear of being discovered, when in reality, I was being given a gift.
"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked, my voice thick with emotion. "All this time, I thought..."
"I was torn," she admitted. "Part of me wanted to keep you away to protect myself. The other part knew Emma needed you. Your parents... they saw the work you were putting in. The therapy, fixing the mess at the company. They told me you were really trying, and I... I wanted to believe it was true, but I was still too angry to let myself hope."
"I should have been honest with you about it," I said, though I now understood I was the one who had been in the dark.
"No, Jack. I should have been honest with myself. I was punishing you by limiting your time with Emma, but I was punishing her, too. I saw how much she lit up around yourparents, how happy she was after those visits... I knew she was seeing you, and a part of me was glad."
She took another shaky breath, her chest rising and falling as if she was gathering courage. "There's something else," she said, her voice dropping. "I've had dinner a few times with Doug, the new teacher." She looked up, her gaze direct. "They weren't dates, Jack. He's just a friend. But I know what it must have looked like in a town like this, and I shouldn't have done it while we were still married. I was trying to... I don't know, trying to see if I could just have a normal conversation with someone, to see if I could feel like myself again."
I'd known. In a town like Willowbrook, Harper couldn't go to dinner with another man - friend or not - without it getting back to me within hours. But hearing her say it out loud, hearing the guilt in her voice, still hit me like a punch to the gut. I kept my expression neutral, not wanting her to see how much it hurt. "I know," I said quietly.
Harper's eyes widened in surprise, her face flushing slightly. "You knew? Why didn't you say anything?"
