Page 83 of 7 Miles High
Chapter 24
Natalie
I stand frozen in place. Is this really happening? Everything Parker has said swirls in my mind, like the stiff wind whipping my hair. I’m not in control of my thoughts or reactions. An immediate response doesn’t come to me, because I need time to take it all in before coming to any decision.
I’m not going to rush my words at the cost of weighing them carefully. When I don’t answer, his mood changes. The expression as well. It morphs from hopeful to questioning. Tilting his head and narrowing his eyes as if to say, ‘Why aren’t you answering?’
“I need to think about this,” I say.
“Okay. We can think this through.”
When I don’t explain myself further he takes my hand. I let it happen, but don’t give any more of myself in return. It’s like a dead thing laying in his palm. He feels the disconnect and lets go.
“Wow. Are things that bad?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, you better figure it out. This isn’t good.”
He stuffs his hands into the pockets of his jeans and starts to back off. The expression he wears is light years away from normal.
“I’ve got to tell you, Natalie, this is pissing me off. I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t. But you are so wounded from your prior relationship that you’re making those old issues ours. I can understand your hesitation, and a need for an explanation. What I don’t understand is how what we had between us can be altered so easily.”
“Maybe things are changed,” I say, tears starting a course from my eyes over my cheeks and off my chin.
“You take all the time you need.” There’s no conviction backing up the words. “Just know that if you can’t believe what I’m saying, what I know is an innocent action, we’re fucked. No other way to look at it.”
“Maybe you’re right.” I feign agreement.
One of his hands go up stopping further discussion. “We better be careful before we say something we regret. Something that can’t be unsaid.”
“If you say so.”
That pisses him off more than anything I’ve said. The tone of his voice changes and there’s nothing left of the tenderness.
“I’m seriously considering I misjudged your ability to love me. To even be in love. The mistake I made was thinking it was as strong as mine for you. And by the way,” he says pointing a finger in my direction, “I don’t like how your ex talks to you or the fact he still wants to be with you. But I don’t take it out on you. I don’t mistrust whoyouare because ofhisstupidity. All I want is to be afforded the same courtesy.”
He turns and walks away before I can make a move or respond. An angry wave slams against the shore, punctuating his parting words.
My legs feel weak. I sit in the sand and watch Parker’s departing figure. Oh God. I try to push down the doubt that’s beginning to edge its way in. But it’s impossible. It’s shown up and won’t be dismissed. Have I made a mistake? Is what he says about me true? Just the idea I’m considering his take on this makes me angry. I need an impartial judge to tell me if I’ve misread the entire thing.
“Give me a sign, God. Show me the way. Have I been a fool?”
I wait, but no sign from the heavens appears. Obviously I am that fool waiting for a sign from God. I’ll have to come to my own conclusions like every other human, whether I like it or not. Resting my head on my folded arms I close my eyes and try to center.
Splat!
The unmistakable sensation of having something land on your head brings me out of the fog. Reaching a hand up I touch the wet deposit of the large seagull that just landed a few feet in front. Eww! Bird shit!
That’s was a pretty clear sign. Literal. What I’m doing to this good man is pure crap.
As soon as I allow the thought to present itself, I know it’s true. All the negativity I threw at this evaporates in the face of truth. The evidence speaks louder than my own conclusions do. What have I been thinking? Parker is not Alex. There’s nothing remotely similar. And I do trust him. I never would have said, ‘I love you’, if I didn’t think he could be trusted.
It seemed like when one thing changed, everything changed. I let that happen. And to what end? To reach this sad, empty place without the man I love?
Oh God. What do I do now?Follow him, chase the man, tackle him if you have to.I rise and run back to the entry of the cove, where the beach towel sits crumpled on the sand. Uncovering my phone I try to call him. Shit! There’s no connection here!
Okay. He just went over the rocks five minutes ago. Catching up shouldn’t be a problem. Hurriedly I wrap the towel around my neck and tuck the cell into my bikini top. Come on now girl, get your ass moving. All I want is to feel him in my arms again. What a fool I’ve been to have made a mountain out of a molehill.
