Page 117 of From Ice to Grace
His words sting, and his grin even more. Before I can say anything he adds, “But neither is anyone else. At least you understand that, and it’s a good start in my book.”
Relief moves through me. “That means a lot,” I say, unable to stop myself from smiling. “Thank you.”
EJ tilts his head and studies me. “You’ve changed, man. What happened?"
“I think I met God tonight at the rink,” I say simply, running my hand over the back of my neck.
‘With conviction,’ the voice comes from inside me.
I clear my throat and try again. “I know I met God tonight at the rink. Maybe He’s always been there and I’ve just been running, but tonight I found myself in a place where I could meet Him.”
EJ nods, scratching at his jaw. “Sounds about right,” he says. “I’ve always prayed for you, Dec. It might sound strange, but it’s the truth.”
Gratitude fills me. I have no idea what I did to deserve to be surrounded by people who would stick around, and pray for me when I haven’t given them any reason to believe in me.
“Avah prayed for me too,” I say, remembering the night we got married, her tearful prayers reaching me through the door.
“She does that for the people she cares about,” EJ says and my head snaps up. “I know her, Dec. She’s liked you long before she cared to admit it.
His words let a small ray of hope crack in my chest. Perhaps if I talk to her, explain to her what has changed, maybe then she’ll give me a chance. If that’s what God’s plan is for us.
“Listen, even if Boqvist stays, even if Avah finds herself in a spot where she’s not ready to let you in…know that none of that matters.” EJ sighs, shaking his head. “Tonight you found what truly matters, and you work your way from there.”
EJ’s words settle over me, like he’s spoken truth into my life.
“I will.” My words are for him and for God. A promise that I will try, even if I can never earn it, I will never stop saying thank you.
EJ gets up and slaps me on the shoulder. “I’ve got a guestroom, you don’t have to crash on the couch,” he says. “Tomorrow you can face my sister.”
I chuckle at his words. The ache inside of me is still there, reminding me of who I am and where I came from, but it’s no longer the only thing. It’s soft and humming in the background, somehow transformed into something small and beatable.
And for the first time I have hope.
I didn’t get much sleep last night.
But I don’t feel tired. I feel like I’m plugged into the source of life Himself. I don’t have a Bible, but I found an app. So I spent most of the night reading. There was no order or reason, rather like a man who’s been starving for years and had a buffet before him. I grabbed at everything, a verse here, a chapter there.
I wanted to pray. I’ve never felt so inadequate in my life, but something inside me just pressed forward. No matter how strange or broken the words came out, I know my heart reached toward Him…and that’s the whole point.
This morning, I feel different. Like, I have a purpose in life.
Like I have a firm foundation beneath my feet.
Grabbing my phone from the nightstand, there’s nothing from Avah.
Instead there’s a text from my brother.
You’re in Boston this weekend for the Bruins. Maddie will fly in. Let’s do a family lunch or dinner. Maddie wants to meet your wife.
I mentioned it to Avah, that it would be the ideal time to meet my family. Now I can only pray that I didn’t ruin it completely and that she still wants to.
I find EJ in the kitchen, hair still wet from his shower, making coffee.
“Listen, thanks for letting me crash last night,” I say, grabbing my keys off the counter where I left them last night. “But now I need to find Avah.”
EJ grins, lifting his phone off the counter and waving it at me. “She’s at the rink,” he says, pouring himself a mug of coffee.
“At the rink?” I frown, my mind immediately going to Boqvist. EJ must see it on my face because he chuckles.
