Page 100 of The Last Saturday In July
‘No.’ She’d rather throw herself out their third-floor window, than tell him Adam was the man she’d slept with. She couldn’t be that cruel.
But she’d thought that coming clean about her hen weekend might be cathartic. At least for her, if she was being honest. She hadn’t thought about the amount of pain she’d cause Simon. Jess tried to wet her lips. ‘I thought about not telling you ... but it wouldn’t have been right.’
Simon seemed emotionless. Maybe he was in shock. She wouldn’t blame him: it was a lot to throw at someone you were about to marry.Eventually he turned, a grim expression on his face. ‘I can’t do this now. I’m going to bed. I’ll give you my decision in the morning.’
Briefly, he met her eyes, and another wave of shame washed through her.
‘I’ll sleep on the sofa bed.’ She wrapped her arms around herself. ‘Unless you’d prefer I went home again.’
‘I actually don’t care, Jess.’ He walked out and moments later, Jess heard the bedroom door close. Drawing her knees up, she hugged them tightly to her chest. She’d half expected Simon to throw her out, tell her he never wanted to see her again. He still might. She knew she’d done the right thing, but she didn’t know if she’d made things worse. It definitely hadn’t made them better.
Instead, it felt like she and Simon were standing on the edge of a cliff. She’d no idea how she’d feel if Simon called off their wedding. Even more terrifying was that she’d no idea how she’d feel if he didn’t.
Chapter 39
JESS tried to feel relieved as she left for work the following morning, but so much had happened that all she felt was numb.
After the worst night’s sleep she could remember, she’d finally got up around dawn to make coffee, only to find Simon had beat her to it. His face had been the same shade of grey as his stripy pyjamas as he’d handed her a cup, made exactly how she liked it. Somehow, that had made her feel worse.
‘I won’t pretend I’m not devastated by what you did, Jess.’ Simon had leaned against the counter, staring at the floor. ‘To be honest, I don’t know what to do. Part of me thinks we should just call the whole thing off.’
Jess’s face had burned. So, this was it. This was how their three-year relationship would end: just days before their wedding. Simon probably hated her, but she could never hate him – he had every right to end it.
She’d sat down. ‘Right.’ Her voice had been as wobbly as her legs.
Simon had given a humourless laugh. ‘It’s a very different feeling for me, not knowing what to do.’
He’d looked at her and Jess had felt another wave of shame.
After a long pause, Simon had spoken slowly. ‘I’ve no road map for this, Jess, and I’m not used to making important decisions based on feelings. So, I’ve tried to take everything into consideration, including the circumstances of that weekend and the amount you had to drink. I think we should go ahead with the wedding; I hope we won’t regret it.’
‘Thank you.’ Jess had expected to feel a flood of happiness, or at least relief, but she’d been too exhausted to feel anything.
‘Promise me this was a horrible mistake, one that could never, ever be repeated.’ He’d given her a long look.
Jess had simply nodded.
‘No more secrets?’
She’d thought briefly about Adam. It didn’t matter anymore: he was already gone. She’d shook her head.
‘If this is to work, Jess, we have to put this behind us. And, in future, we need to be completely honest with each other.’
‘I’m so sorry I hurt you, Simon.’
‘Yes.’ He’d sighed. ‘I know.’ He’d seemed too exhausted to talk any more about it, and Jess had been grateful.
Now she wondered if she’d be so forgiving if Simon cheated. But she knew it would take him a long time to trust her again.
She hadn’t told him about her fight with Kate. In spite of what Kate had done, she couldn’t bear the thought of losing her friendship. The friendship they’d once had – not the slightly weird relationship they’d had in recent months. And Simon would lose Kate’s friendship too. When she thought about that, she felt weirdly guilty and confused. After everything that had happened recently, she wasn’t sure which of them would miss Kate more. The only thing she could do was to focus on the moment and, for now, Simon seemed willing to forgive. She knew that had to be enough.
She was walking through reception when she overheard Emily on the phone.
‘I want you to listen very carefully to me. I’m getting rid of all the toxic people in my life and that meansyou!’ She slammed down the phone and caught Jess’s eye. ‘Ooh, just the person I was looking for.’
Jess sidled over to the desk. ‘Please tell me that was your latest boyfriend.’
Emily started to giggle. ‘Well, it wasn’t a client.’
