Page 27 of A Really Gay Book
“You don’t bring him to your jobs? Ever?” Apple made it sound like this was a huge sticking point.
“God no. That would be a terrible idea. Even Baz would think that would be too much excitement.”
“Stop going off script, Vix. You know that isn’t true.”
“Well, youshouldthink it.”
“Adam has never been in danger—well, more danger—due to one of our jobs, and he gets an equal share of any profits,” Gareth said, diverting the topic neatly.
“So you do make money off of your notexactlysupervillainry?”
“What can I say? Crime does pay,” Baz said with a devious smile. “It’s fun, too.”
“So, your job is to exist, and you get paid to do it?” Apple asked me with a touch of wonder.
“I get paid quite a lot, actually.” Though you wouldn’t know it from looking at me. There was no point in wearing nice clothes when the chance of them getting torn off me every day was around fifty percent.
“And you say you aren’t lucky,” Apple said with a laugh. “Well, at least you’ve found a way to get some perks out of the deal.” He petted my chest before shifting to perch on my knee and face my housemates. “Ok, I’m in.”
Gareth’s face relaxed from the stern expression he’d been maintaining the entire conversation. “Glad to hear it, but what are you going to do to contribute? Baz is small like you, but he’s fast, sneaky, and devastating with any weapon he can get his hands on. Vix’s inventions are light years beyond anything anyone else is creating right now, And Vale can create anything from untraceable poisons to remedies for any ailment that catches his interest. He’s good with explosives, too.”
I didn’t like the subtle implication that Apple needed to prove himself to the group, but I knew without a doubt that Apple would have no problem making himself useful.
“Wellll…” Apple’s face went a bit coy. “I’m very small, so I’m not going to be much use as a fighter.”
I held back a snort of laughter. The story of Apple disarming a bank robber with a roll of cat stickers was legendary. It was all anyone in town would talk about last summer.
Apple continued, saying, “And I’m not an inventor, a chemist, or a cat herder,” He nodded toward Gareth who saluted solemnly in acknowledgement. “Or a walking disaster like my new husband.” Apple petted me again to show me he was just winding everyone up, even though it was already crystal clear to me.
“Come on Apple, spill. Adam wouldn’t be smiling harder than I’ve ever seen him smile if you weren’t packing something good. If you don’t tell us soon, Vix might explode.” Baz said, putting a hand on Vix’s knee to try and contain the bouncing.
Vix did look a little overly excited. The hand on his knee did nothing to stop him from looking like he’d vibrate out of his skin if Apple didn’t tell them what made him special. And if that happened, Vix would keel over into a dead sleep. It was one of his quirks. When Vix got too overstimulated, he was out like a light. So hopefully Apple would stop stringing him along soon.
Honestly, I was a little surprised none of them seemed to have heard of Apple before. Though I supposed, considering the nature of their jobs, they tended to keep to themselves a lot. I certainly never told them about him. Our one-sided rivalry was too crazy for me to admit to anyone, even the band of probably assassins (Baz), definitely vigilantes (Gareth), and double definitely mad scientists (Vale and Vix) I lived with.
“Okay, fine. You know how Adam is supernaturally unlucky? Well, if you flipped it around and turned it into good luck, you’d have me, but like times three.”
Then Apple proceeded to give them all an abridged version of his life.
No one in the room paid more attention than I did. My lover/husband/person was even more fascinating than I’d realized. No wonder I hadn’t killed him with my dick.
After listening to him explain in detail how he’d landed a commercial airplane by himself on his eighth birthday, I was starting to think he might have been downplaying his luck rather than exaggerating it. If I’d been as unlucky as he was lucky, I would have been dead years ago.
“I know this sounds like bullshit, but if you want, you can watch me walk out into traffic. I can do it right now. You can take bets on whether I end up making a few thousand dollars out of it or discover a new species of animal.”
“No.” My hands grabbed his hips, and I pulled him back against me to keep him from getting up.
“It’s okay, Adam, I’ll be fine, I promise.”
“I don’t care. Never… never do that again. Please. Even with your luck, just… don’t.” If I had to see something like that, I’d die on the spot from a heart attack. Just hearing him explain earlier about how he used it as a way to experiment with his luck as a child had given me chills.
Apple searched my face before giving me a soft smile. He tilted his head up and planted a kiss on my chin. “No more walking into traffic on purpose. I promise.”
“Aw, man!” Baz threw up his hands and immediately began to sulk. The guy had serious problems with boredom, but he wasn’t sacrificing my Apple to solve them.
“Has anyone else noticed that nothing bad has happened to Adam while we’ve been talking?” Vix asked. “Nothing has broken, or fallen on him, and he doesn’t have any new bruises since the last time I saw him either.”
“Nope!” Apple said. “All the bruises are on me and I’ve worked hard to keep things that way. Don’t worry, they are all good bruises.” He winked at everyone, and I caught his face in one hand, turning it until he couldn’t see anyone in the room but me.
