Page 84 of Challenge
His surgery is in just a few days and I have to stop thinking about him. I can’t think about how he felt when he held me at Old George, or how incredible my first time with him was, or how funny and charming he is when he puns. I don’t give a toss if he meant what he said that morning I threw him out of my flat. It was a mistake when I cried in his arms at Old George—a lapse in judgment. I’d had too much to drink and didn’t know what I was doing.
So I detached. I pushed him away not once, but twice. In my experience, that’s how most relationships are. Distant. Here one minute, gone the next. No goodbye hug. No thoughtful words. No grand gestures. Just a departure. That is what Camden Harris would have turned into if I gave too much of myself. If I allowed myself to depend on him for my sole happiness, he’d become like all the other absentee figures in my life.
I just wish I knew why this is all still bothering me so much.
“And those two instances don’t necessarily have to do withhim,” I say to Belle as we reach the on-call room door. I turn, pressing my back against the door, and add, “I’m just applying the knowledge I gained from that experience to the real world.”
Her eyes narrow. “Please.” Reaching behind me, she quickly shoves open the door and sends me flying backwards.
Thankfully, a pair of able hands catch me. “Indie, are you okay?” Stanley’s big brown eyes look down on me all soft and worried and still a bit wounded. He hasn’t lost that look since that night at the club over a month ago.
“I’m fine, Stanley. Cheers.” I right myself and pull out of his arms, staring down at the floor. I feel his eyes on me as he shuffles his way out. I exhale as the door closes behind him. “Gosh, this place can feel so stifling sometimes.” I drop down onto the bed and Belle flops down next to me.
“I don’t know what you’re moaning about. You have Penis Number Two right there, ready and waiting for you. That’s called easy-peasy convenience if you ask me.”
The idea of having sex with Stanley churns my stomach. “I’m not having sex with Stanley.”
“Why not? You’ve completed number one…You were so keen on number two just a few days ago.”
“I can’t do it.”
“You said you were ready. I think experiencing a guy like Stanley could be good—”
“Maybe we can wait until I get the feel of the first cock out of me, all right? Not all of us are like you and can hop from one dick to the next without a care in the world.” My breaths come out fast and heavy as my words slice into Belle’s unsuspecting guts. I wince at her crestfallen face.
She rears back from my attempted embrace. “Fuck. Off. Indie.” Then she stands up and storms out of the room, leaving me completely shattered in her wake.
I could laugh…if I didn’t think it might make me cry. If space is what I wanted, then I’ve certainly achieved it now. First Camden, now Belle. My eyes sting with unshed tears. Tears that I refuse to release. Tears that I won’t permit to drop. Tears that have no business coming from me. This is all ridiculous.
Pushing Camden away was the right thing to do. The presence ofThe British Medical Journalcements that fact. I couldn’t operate on him if we were still together. Plus, what we’re doing with sports medicine is so much bigger than some crush. Walking away from Camden was necessary. He is my patient. Nothing more. I’m making history here, and all of this will work out just fine.
“Erm…Indie?” Stanley interrupts my thoughts, peeking his head around the door. “There’s someone here to see you. I put her in the consult room down Hallway D.”
“Who is it?” I ask.
“She didn’t want to say.”
She?I think to myself, standing up and smoothing my scrubs into place. Who on earth?
I make my way to the room where we take patient’s families to tell them bad news. It’s not a good room. It’s a very bad room with mauve cushioned chairs and dusty silk flowers. I hate the room.
When I open the door, my eyes fall on the back of a slender blonde who’s looking out the window on the far wall. When she turns around, my heart sinks.
“Vi,” I say, my eyes wide with frozen shock. “What are you doing here?”
Her lips are curled, nostrils flared, and eyes razor sharp, focused on me. “What did you do?” she asks, her voice low and controlled.
I frown as she advances toward me. She looks as if she wants to hit me. “Is everything okay?”
“No,Dr. Porter, it’s not. Tell me what you did. What else did you say to him?”
My face is the picture of horrified. Did Camden really tell her everything about us? I begin stammering, “I don’t…I just…We couldn’t—”
“Why would you convince him not to have the surgery? You’re his doctor! This is what’s best for him. This is what’s best for the hospital. If he leaves that stupid graft in, he won’t be able to play football or anything ever again. Tell me what you said to him.”
My head spins. This is nowhere near what I thought she was accusing me of. “I never told him not to get the graft removed, Vi.”
She looks me up and down as if she doesn’t believe a word I’m saying. “Did you tell him people can get by without repairing their ACL? Did you tell him not everyone has the surgery?”
