Page 93 of Sweeper
Gently, I remove my arm from her naked waist and pull the cover up over her shoulder before rolling onto my back. Jesus, what was that last night? Did I fucking cry in front of my new girlfriend on night one?Girlfriend…that’s new for me as well.
Not that I’ve never had a girlfriend, but it’s been a while. A long while. I turn my head and watch the slow rise and fall of Daphney’s shoulders and can’t help but smile. She’s everything I never realized I needed. She’s comforting and funny, heartfelt and challenging. It was easy to fall for her. I could use a little easy in my life.
In the background, my eyes catch sight of her guitar, and a wave of sadness hits me all over again. Listening to Daphney sing last night broke that dam inside me that I’ve been fighting with for the better part of a year. She looked like an angel with her guitar in front of her naked body. And her voice melted away all the hard parts of me that have calcified since my dad passed away.
I was finally able to grieve him last night. Miss him. My eyes sting with tears again, and I wipe away the dampness in them. For fuck’s sake, what is my deal? I’ve gone the past year unable to shed a single tear over the loss of him, and one song from Daphney has unearthed a fucking spigot inside my body. I need to get my shit together.
The knocking sound from earlier resumes, and I hear the familiar voice of Link call out, “Come on, dude, the coffee is getting cold.”
“I’ll call his phone,” Knight’s voice murmurs a bit more quietly.
I cringe at how loud they sound out there. These walls really are paper thin. Thankfully, Daphney isn’t moving a muscle. She must be exhausted after I basically had an emotional meltdown in front of her and then begged her to cuddle with me. She probably slept like shit worrying about the psychopath in her bed.
I quietly shift out of bed and slip my boxers on before grabbing my keys and vibrating phone off the counter. I pad barefoot out into the hallway and open Daphney’s door to find both Knight and Link standing in front of mine. Their eyes swerve over to me, and they open their mouths to say something, but I press my finger over my lips. “Shut up. She’s still sleeping,” I whisper as I close her door behind me.
“You spent the night?” Link whisper-shouts.
I roll my eyes and gesture for them to follow me into my place. I unlock the door and stand back to let them in. “You still have to keep your voices down. You can hear a pin drop through these walls.”
Link points at the wall that separates Daphney’s and my apartment. “Why were you sleeping over? I thought you said one of your rules was no sleepovers.”
“It’s none of your business,” I snap, my jaw taut with irritation because I have enough to unpack in my fucking head, I don’t need to worry about Link’s and Knight’s opinion about my relationship status with Daphney. I stand in front of my dining room table and cross my arms over my chest. “What are you guys doing here?”
“We thought you might need moral support when you open the envelope,” Knight says as he sets down the coffee carrier on the kitchen counter. “We brought coffee.”
I laugh and rub the sleep out of my eyes. “You think coffee is going to lessen the sting of what’s in that envelope?”
Knight shrugs and pins me with a look. “I don’t think anything will, man.”
I chew my lip nervously and grab the envelope on the table behind me. It feels heavier than it ever has before. I tap it on the palm of my hand. “I think I’ve decided not to open it.”
“What?” Link asks, walking over to me. “You’re joking, right?”
I shrug and shake my head. “I don’t think I want to know the truth.”
“You said you did,” Knight offers, his eyes narrowing on me in challenge.
“Well, that was before…”
“Before what?” Link asks.
“Before…I don’t know. Before I made a life here maybe? I just feel differently now.” I drop the envelope back on the table and stride over to my dresser. I throw on a white T-shirt and turn to look at my two friends. “I don’t think I need to know.”
Knight hits me with a look. “I think you do.”
“You were team ignorance is bliss before,” I retort. “What’s changed?”
Knight’s eyes look grave on me. “You need closure, man. Your head wasn’t in the game on Saturday. This is why.”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t spit out more sports psychobabble on me.”
“It’s not sport psychology. It’s just common sense,” Knight snaps, his nostrils flaring with irritation. “That envelope is going to haunt you the same way that letter haunts you.”
I hesitate with how to respond next because deep down, I know Knight’s right. This envelope is like a forbidden fruit. You have to know how it tastes because it’s staring right back at you. Only I have a feeling I’m not going to like how any of this tastes.
But then I think about my dad, and losing him, and the fact that I didn’t shed a fucking tear until last night with Daphney. I know why that is. I was suppressing my grief because I was focusing on the fact that my dad may have lied to me my entire life. But after pouring my heart out to Daphney, maybe I’m okay now. Maybe Daphney fixed me.
I shake my head at my two teammates, who are staring at me like I’ve got two heads. “Stop looking at me like that!” I snap as my frustration with the pressure they’re putting on me builds. “You guys don’t know how hard this is.”
