Page 12 of Heartland
I button my top and tap him on the shoulder. “It’s safe to look now.” I take the glass of water out of his hand, and he smiles when he hands me the pills. “Sleep well.” He leans forward and gives me a kiss on the forehead.
A kiss from Dylan. But not the kiss I’m always dreaming about. “Thank you,” I say softly. “You, too.”
He turns and leaves me in my room alone, closing the door quietly behind him..
Tonight was fun and also a little humiliating. That’s how college is shaping up for me. I like the independence, even if Dylan thinks I can't handle it. And I can't live with Leah and Isaac forever.
I like the classes, too, even though they’re hard for me. Since I didn’t go to high school, I had to take the GED tests before I could apply to Moo U. Those weren’t so bad. But college courses are definitely a level up.
Especially algebra. I need all the help I can get.
I swallow the pills and drink the water. When I set the empty glass down on my desk, I remember that Kaitlyn had said she’d left a note for me here. So where is it? My eyes rove the desk’s surface. I don’t see a note.
So it’s her fault that I sat alone for hours at the library?
Just when I’m ready to give up looking, I spot it. There’s a row of sticky notes on the wall just over my desk. Each note has a title and author of one of the books I’m supposed to read for my Small Business class. And on the bottom edge of one of them—in faint pencil—is scribbled:D can’t make it to lib.
You havegotto be kidding me. And she thinks I ruinedhernight?
Upset now, I head to the bathroom and give my teeth an angry brushing. Then I stomp back to my room, get into my bed, and shut out the light.
When I stop moving around, I can hear Kaitlyn and Dylan speaking to one another in her room on the other side of the wall. I listen, waiting for Dylan to leave with her. They’ll go back to his giant bed and…
Honestly, I spend an embarrassing amount of time thinking about Dylan having sex. Does he tease her as they start to kiss? Is he smiley, laughing Dylan? Or is he just so hungry for it that he’s too busy stripping her clothes off to talk or smile?
That second image really appeals to me. If I were the one in the bed with him, I wouldn’t want him to joke around. I’d want it to be like a sudden storm on a summer’s day. Fast-moving and dangerous, blotting out the sun and beating down its wrath upon my bare body. No time to think.
There’s a reason I don’t tell many people all the things inside my head.
Last week, as I passed the coffee shop, I’d seen Dylan and Kaitlyn on the other side of the plate-glass window. The coffee shop is where Kaitlyn likes to do her homework. I can't afford to buy coffee that doesn’t come from the dining hall, so I never go inside that place. That day they’d been together on a purple velvet sofa by the window, Kaitlyn’s head on Dylan’s lap, Dylan’s hand on her sleek hair. His attention seemed focused on the paperback book in his other hand.
His long fingers idly stroked her hair, and I wanted to stop and watch, fascinated. Their pose said to the world:We’re definitely having sex with each other. But not right now. First, coffee and homework!
Nobody has ever touched me like that—with casual, sensual ownership. I have no idea how it feels to be half of a couple.
There’s a squeak next door. It’s the sound of a window being cranked open. It’s a chilly night, so the open window probably means that they’re smoking a joint. Another thing I’ve never tried.
Now I can hear their voices a little more clearly. Kaitlyn’s is the clearest. “Why do we always have to go back to your place?” she whines. “You could stay here for once.”
“Three words,” Dylan’s lower voice says. “Queen-sized bed.”
“That’s not really the reason,” Kaitlyn says.
The next bit is muffled, so I find myself sliding out of bed and edging toward my own window. It’s already unlatched, so all I have to do is nudge the crank and it opens an inch.
And almost immediately, I wish I hadn’t.
“God forbid we’re overheard. Why do you fuss over her?” Kaitlyn asks, her voice high and angry.
I sit down on the edge of my bed, my heart in my mouth.
“She’s a good friend.”
“You just want to watch her take off that low-cut top.”
“Kaitlyn!” His raised voice is easy to hear now. “You’re ridiculous. Can a single puff of weed make a person paranoid?”
“I see where your eyes go. Right down that slutty blouse.”
