Page 66 of Heartland
“No,” I say quickly. “No way.”
“But you’d like to.”
I just shrug. What I’d like doesn’t really matter.
“Does she want to?” he presses.
“Doubt it. Would you? Maybe she wanted morebeforeKaitlyn made the whole thing seem like a tawdry lie.”
“Did she enjoy herself?”
“Absolutely,” I scoff. “But it was a terrible idea. I should have said no and saved us both the anguish.”
“But you said yes. Why?”
“Well, she was so—” I scramble for words.Raw. Needy. Real. “Honest,” is the one I settle on. “I didn’t know she’d ever want me. And it blew my feeble little mind. I was like a little kid on Christmas.”
Rickie laughs.
“But now I know why it's a bad idea to fuck your best friend.”
“Which you’d been wanting to do for a long time.”
“Fine. Sure. Does it matter if it’s true? It was a horrible idea. Chastity doesn’t need me. She needs a guy who—” I break off the sentence, because I don’t really want to imagine her having sex with someone else.
“Who—?” Rickie prompts.
“Doesn’t think with his dick,” I say, for lack of a better explanation.
“She needs someone who loves her,” Rickie says.
“Yes. Right.”
Rickie smiles at me. “So you have two problems. The first is that you have to figure out what the hell you want out of this.”
“I want our friendship back.” It’s not complicated.
“Hmm,” he says. “That’s it?”
“Of course. What else would I want?”
He stirs his tea slowly. “A future together? It’s been done before.”
“Not by me,” I say quickly. “I love Chastity as a friend. There’s nobody better. But I don’t do futures.”
“Not easily,” he muses, sipping his tea. “Not with your abandonment issues.”
“My what?” I sputter, and then burn my mouth on the tea. “How do you drink this stuff so hot?”
“It’s my superpower. That and seeing through your bullshit.”
“I don’t have bullshit. And I don’t have abandonment issues. That’s Kaitlyn’s problem.”
“Oh, you have a matching set. Her father doesn’t care for her. And yours left you.”
“Hedied.”
“I’m aware. And you haven’t been the same since.”
