Page 33 of Man Cuffed
“Thanks for the chicken salad,” Maguire says stiffly.
“Hang on just a second,” Maguire’s mom says. “I need your help inflating the game I brought.”
“The...what?” he asks, wary.
“It’s inflatable. Like those pool toys you loved as a kid. And since all the Maguire men are full of hot air, I need your help with this. It’s around back.” She points to the corner of the house.
But he hesitates, looking from his mother to me and back again.
“Go on,” she says, a strangely intense look on her face.
Tension shivers in the air between Maguire and his mom. I’m not sure of its source, but I’m sure of its potency. It’s the kind of tension that’s famous for ruining Thanksgiving meals.
Interesting.
“Be good, Mom,” Maguire says, with an edge to his voice. Then he stalks off, toward the back of the house.
The moment he’s gone, his mother swoops over to me, takes my arm, and drags me to the edge of the patio. It’s a lot like that same zombie TV drama where I once worked. Only this time I’m the prey instead of the predator.
“It’s lovely to meet you, Meg,” Mrs. Maguire says, her face filled with more intensity than the moment requires.
“Likewise,” I reply with a smile. If I were really Mac’s girlfriend, I’d be terrified right now. Maybe she’s one of those moms who thinks no woman is good enough for her baby boy. I bet I’m going to be grilled.
Bring it, bitch. The worse she is, the bigger my lies will be. If she’s rude, I’ll give her something to fret about. I’ll convince her I have a lengthy rap sheet. Wait—her son the cop wouldn’t go for that. I’ll tell her I’m a visitor from the planet Zutron, here to study life on Earth. And marriage to an earthling is a goal of mine.
I’m very convincing.
His mom takes a giant breath as if she’s winding up for something.
Here it comes.
“He wasn’t always like this,” she says. “He needs to laugh more. He needs to be less cagey. But I have faith in you.”
Okay, that’s not where I was expecting this to go. “Um…thanks?”
“He’s held onto his anger for too long. Even when anger is justified, it hurts you. Don’t you agree?”
“Usually,” I hedge. I need to be very careful. Because I don’t knowwhat the ever loving fuck this woman is saying.
“Building bridges is harder than burning them,” she says. “If you know what I mean.”
“Right.” I nod vehemently, hoping for even a small clue to what is happening right now. Honestly, a trip to the planet Zutron would make more sense than this conversation.
“I hope you’re coming to the wedding,” she blurts out.
“Oh, absolutely!” Finally a question I can answer.
“YAY!” her shout of joy is deafening. “He needs this. He needsyou.”
My smile is waxed on, and I have no idea how to reassure this woman. But luckily Rosie has come to my rescue. “Oh, come on, Mom! I can’t believe you asked Mac to blow up a giant penis!”
That doesn’t make sense, so I play the sentence back inside my head. Nope. I’m still befuddled. “A giant...what?”
“Look! You’ll die.” She hooks her arm in mine and tows me toward the backyard. The Maguires are all arm-towers. They just are.
But as we round the side of the house, I see what Rosie was so eager to show me. Mac and his father are both standing there, blowing air into giant inflatable…dicks. Cocks. Erections. There is nothing else those could be. They even have veins in all the right places.
I let out a snort of laughter so loud that it’s actually painful. “What the heck?” I try to ask, but I can’t quite get the words out. My belly is already shaking with laughter.
