Page 41 of The Secret Job: Into the Depths of Depravity
“No, how can I say no and live with myself regretting passing up $500,000 and potentially a million dollars.”
“You know money isn’t everything. Those are your words.”
“Yes this is true. I would give the same advice to anyone. But I know myself and I’m telling you James, I could not live with myself if I didn’t take this job.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I think I am. I don’t need to give my answer until Monday. But I’m 90% sure.”
“I’m still worried. I’ll always worry.”
Softening, I reply, “I know you do. That is honestly the worst part of leaving you to do these jobs, knowing the worry I put you through. The Clarendon hasn’t done anything to give me cause for concern since I have been there has it?”
“No.”
“I don’t see why this job is any different.”
“It’s the money that is different, Rose Petal. It’s the money. No one forks out a million or even half a million bucks to kiss and cuddle you. This is serious money for serious kinks. Kinks that you will likely have never even heard of.”
“I know James, I know. But there is some dark part of me that seeks the thrill of what it might be, whether I can do it, whether I will like it. I want to know the unknown and see what it does to my body.”
“It will hurt your body, I can guarantee that. It might hurt your mind. Have you thought of that?”
“Yes, I have thought of that,” I reply, trying not to bite back. I know this conversation and the very idea of me being at risk is hurting him. I know I need to talk this through with him until we get to a point where he feels a tiny bit of comfort about me doing it or at least at peace with me doing it. “I’m strong James,I know my mind and myself. I will tap out; I will use my safe word.”
“But will you though? If each kink costs you $100,000, will you? Because I don’t think so. You are strong yes, you don’t like to quit yes, but is that to your detriment? Jesus Rosie, I can’t even begin to think of the depraved things they might do to you. What about if they break you?” he says in a small voice that pangs at my heart.
“They won’t break me, they will want to keep me in working order because they will want to play with me again. I will be like a drug to them, you wait and see.”
“Why would you be so sure?”
“Because I suspect the things they are going to ask me to do, not many others would do it. And they will enjoy it and they will want to do it again and again.”
“Not if they enjoy you so much, they break you,” he says in a low voice, almost hostile but I know it's worry lacing his words.
“Honey, I won’t let them. For you, I will not let them break me. I will be fine, we will be fine and after five short days and nights, we will be more than fine, better than fine. I am not in the slightest bit worried, and neither should you be,” I lie as I crawl closer to him and rest my hand on his tense forearm.I just hope my words ring true in the end. But I push that thought aside. “Come here,” I say, reaching for him and putting my arms around him to bring him into a hug as I squeeze him against my chest. James lets me, he’s thinking, he’s unsure how he feels about it and whether he wants me to take it, I can see the thoughts written across his face.
I pull back and look into his pained eyes. “I know it’s a lot and you need time to think about it. I understand that. Let’s put it to the side, I want to ask you something.”
He looks back at me, his baby blue eyes stormy wondering what else I can be asking him.
“It’s about Matty,” I start. “When I get back from this job, how about we spend some proper time together, the three of us. Maybe take the weekend after the job to stay overnight somewhere?” I say, hoping it’s what James wants to hear but unsure of his reaction.
James’ eyes soften and he replies, “You’d like that?”
“Yes I think so, would you?”
“Yes, absolutely I would like that. My best mate and my wife, us all hanging out and fucking together— Getting to know each other better I mean.” He smiles wildly, the light has come back into his eyes, and I see now that that is exactly what he wants, there is no hint of a lie or discouragement.
“Look how happy that idea has made you,” I scoff. “Why haven’t you asked to do that before if it makes you happy like this?”
“I wasn’t sure if it was crossing a line with you. I wasn’t sure if me bringing Matty into the equation was something you wanted just because I wanted it.”
“James, you need to ask me. It just took me a minute to get my head around him and us. But every time he’s with us, he makes my body go wild.”
“I know, I see it. It’s what makes me want to do it again and again. Seeing you together, it’s so hot, it makes me feral.”
“I love it when you go feral,” I say as I run my thumb across his lips before he sucks it into his mouth.
