Page 80 of An Accidental Bride for the Duke
And seeing as there was a trove of mistakes from which to choose, Iris figured it would be some time before she was ready to announce herself back into the world.
But that’s the thing about best laid plans. Often, it is others who break them. Not out of malice or spite, but because they care. As it was when Iris heard a knock at the door, followed by the gentle sound of her mother’s voice.
“Iris…” She did not push the door open and barge in, which was the first sign that this was not to be a typical visit. “Are you decent?”
“Please, Mother,” Iris sighed. “Not now.” She was lying on top of her bed, arms folded over her chest, staring at the ceiling. Misery still very much her only true companion, she wondered often now how much longer it would last.Surely, it can’t go on forever. There has to be an end in sight.
“We need to talk,” her mother persisted from the other side of the door. “Please, Iris. It will only take a moment.”
Iris knew her mother well enough to know this would not be a pleasant conversation. In all her life, she could not think of a single time that her mother had apologized to her. Had admitted fault. Had given even a hint that she’d done the wrong thing and needed to change. That just isn’t who she was.
Best get it over with. Let her berate. Let her judge. Whatever I do, I cannot let her get to me. Not again.
“Come in,” Iris called, refusing to stand or move at all.
The door creaked open and her mother poked her head inside. She saw Iris lying there and her brow furrowed with the usual look of judgement. “I hope you have not been lying like that these last two days, Iris. It is not good for you.”
Iris groaned. “And there it is.”
“There is what?”
“I wondered how long it would take until you started at me. One whole second, which is close to a record. So, I suppose that is something.” Iris grimaced to herself then, annoyed that she’d given in so quickly to her mother’s pestering.
Surprisingly, her mother did not take that chance to double down as she would have once done. Rather, her expression softened as she studied her daughter and Iris dared turn to see what her mother was doing, seeing right away that what should have been a look of judgement was instead one of sorrow. Even guilt.
“I did not come here to argue with you,” her mother said.
“Then why come at all?”
Her mother stepped through the door and closed it behind her. Next, she hesitated awkwardly, trying to decide what to do. Brow furrowed, lips pressed together, a decision was reached and she strode across the room, sitting herself on the bed by Iris’ shoulders and body.
“I came here to apologize,” her mother said, albeit in a way that sounded as if to do so brought her pain.
“You… you did?” Iris pushed herself up slightly, not believing the words spoken.
“Don’t sound so surprised.”
Iris scoffed. “Can you blame me?”
To that, her mother laughed as if at a joke. “I suppose I can’t. While I do not like to admit it, there have been times when perhaps I have not been as…” she considered, “as earnest with you as I should do. A mother is many things, Iris, above all else she is someone she hopes her daughters look up to for guidance and inspiration. In my mind, how could my daughters do such a thing if I were wrong all the time? Better to not admit fault at all.”
“That is not how it works, Mother. Just because you don’t admit that you are wrong, does not mean you are not that.”
“Why do you think I am here?” she raised an eyebrow at Iris. “An entire life of refusing to admit fault and I cannot help but think that I am well overdue.”
“You’re being serious?” Iris looked at her mother as if she did not recognize her. “You really wish to apologize.”
Her mother exhaled as she reached out and rested a hand on Iris’ arm. “For so many things. Truly, I do not even know where to start.” She bit into her lip as she considered, and Iris let her do just that. Her mother was here to apologize, so she certainly wasn’t going to help her. “I suppose forcing you to marry His Grace is as good a spot as any. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I see now that I was only thinking of my own self-interests.”
“Mother…” Iris shuffled up so that she was sitting. “You don’t have to apologize for that. Of all the things you have ever done, that is perhaps one of those that I should be grateful for.”
“How about the way I have treated you all these years,” she said next. “I wanted you to believe—I wanted myself to believe that I was doing it for you. My baby girl. And what good is a mother if she cannot protect those who need it most? But I have come to realize these last few days that perhaps most of what I did was not nearly as much for you as it was for me.”
“What does that mean?”
“I needed to feel as if I was needed, Iris. As if I had a place in this world. Your sisters had grown. You brother was his own man. But you…” She smiled softly and sniffed back tears. “You were always my little girl, and when you married His Grace, I saw you had grown and that… that…” She sniffed again. “That you didn’t need me anymore.”
Iris shook her head. “I will always need you, Mother. As I will always be grateful for how you cared for me.” She laughed softly then. “I just wish you weren’t so darn insistent on it. As you said, I have grown considerably since I was little.”
