Page 50 of Lovebug
“What’s up with you and the spirit animal stuff all of a sudden?” Calliope cocks her head.
Louise shrugs. “I dunno. I find it interesting.”
“Hmm.” I take this in for a moment. “Well, Mom and Dad are heading out of town tomorrow for a whole month. So maybe this is the time I ‘pull the stake out of the ground.’” I laugh.
“Ohmygod, yessssssssss.” Calliope’s face lights up with mischief and she steeples her fingers like a cartoon villain.
“Calliope,” I warn. “I was kidding. Besides, I don’t know what ‘pull the stake out of the ground’ would even mean.”
“I have some ideas,” Cyndi offers with glee, then turns to Calliope and Lou. “I’m telling you, this is huge. Her parents never go away. Ever.”
“Well then this is our moment!” Calliope announces like a warrior going into battle. She closes her eyes and places her fingertips on her temples like she’s downloading an idea. “Aaaaaaaand, I’ve got it. Mabel? We’re putting you on a program. A… ‘Bad Girl Program.’ Effective immediately.”
“Oh my gosh,” I protest. “What the heck are you even –“
“Cyndi and Louise,” she completely steamrolls me and continues with her impromptu mission. She’s having way too much fun with this. “Help me out. What are some first steps to get our girl on track to relinquishing her ‘good girl’ status while the overprotective parents are away?”
Louise pipes up first. “Watch all the movies you were never allowed to watch as a kid. You are an adult and it is absurd that you’re still adhering to parental controls over your viewing pleasure. Consult with your peers, aka, us, at any point for some raunchy recommendations.”
“Beautiful!” Calliope applauds. “Love it. Cyndi, what do you got?”
“Snoop,” Cyndi says with no further explanation.
“Could you please elaborate on ‘snoop,’ good lady?” Calliope prompts. She’s slipping into some weird accent now, and I have officially lost all control over her. Not that I had any to begin with.
“Our girl’s gotta snoop!” Cyndi says definitively. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, Mabes. I love them, but Helen and Abe are some closed-mouth, shady cats. Investigate their closets. Root through their underwear drawers…”
“I am not rooting through my parents’ underwear drawers!” I exclaim. “And they’re not ‘shady.’ They’re just… private.”
“All I’m saying is… this is your chance to find out more about why they are the way they are. You never know what you might find. Snoopity-snoop, girl! Snoopity-snoop!”
Snoopity-snoop?
Calliope takes control of the conversation again. “The esteemed Cyndi offers some excellent advice. Allow me to wrap up our proceedings. In an effort not to overwhelm you, Mabel, I’ll add just one more step toward achieving your long-overdue Bad Girl status for now. A crucial step in the growing-up process that I am nearly positive you skipped. Are you ready?”
“Probably not,” I say, but what I don’t admit is that I’m feeling surprisingly energized by the turn this intervention has taken. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t all ears at this point.
“You must get freaky in your childhood twin bed while the parents are away.”
“Whaaaat?!” I say.
At the same time, Cyndi and Lou say, “Helllllllll yeah, you do.”
I start sputtering, “But that is—That is just –”
“Awesome, Mabel. It’s just awesome,” Calliope concludes, a confident smile on her face.
“Oh shit, he’s back!” I squeal and put my head down on the table as though I can disappear. But god help me, I peek under my elbow and watch Wallace re-enter the bar with the empty hand truck. He wheels it behind the bar and slaps a hand on James’s back. Before I know it, I’ve lifted my head, and all four of us are full-on staring at the two men having a conversation.
“Can I say what we’re all thinking?” Calliope says on the sly.
“That’s pretty presumptuous, Calliope,” Louise responds. “What makes you think you know what we’re all thinking?”
“Mabes, you’re hot for this guy.”
“Okay, yeah,” Louise admits. “That actually is what we were all thinking.”
I go on the defensive and start whisper-spluttering, “I’m not—I don’t—I can’t—I’m engaged. And I’m happy. That man just…” I look at the bar. “He makes me—I’m not sure what I’m supposed to—”
