Page 9 of Joy to the Earl
Douglas nodded.“I was hiding from you.”
His admission shook her.“You don’t hide from anybody,” she said.
“I hid from you.Your family.And all your friends.And indeed anyone who might know you.Because I knew all of them would tell me that I treated you horribly.”
She didn’t know what to say to that.She’d dreamed so many times of Douglas groveling before her, begging forgiveness for hurting her feelings so harshly.
But now, his simple admission made her realize that all those dreams ended abruptly at the moment he professed his guilt.In her dreams, she’d never had to sit with his words and respond to them.
Douglas was still looking at her, a strange expression in his eyes.“Joy, can we not be friends?”
She thought about it, and shook her head.“After what’s happened between us, after so many years?After we’ve only met again because a storm forced us to shelter at the same inn?No, I don’t think we can be friends.Good night, Douglas.”
She got up, turned, and walked to the door as quickly as decorum would allow.Did it feel like running away?Yes.Did she have any other choice?Who knew?
And why did part of her wish to feel Douglas’s hand on her arm, preventing her from leaving?Turning her back to him, looking into her eyes, then kissing her as if the past ten years hadn’t happened?
Chapter 4
Friday, 22 December 1809
When one is confined ina place, all days have a certain sameness.Joy woke up from tangled dreams in which Douglas featured prominently, lay in bed until Wren bullied her into dressing and going downstairs, and then lazed about in the common room, half reading a book.She was restless and petulant, but that was to be expected.Everyone wanted to get on with their travels.
Like the day before, nearly all of the able-bodied men bundled up and went outside to help clear the road.Around midday, a small group including Cullen proudly returned to the inn with the maimed carriage, which they’d been able to navigate over the cleared portion of the highway.However, it couldn’t be repaired until the roads cleared and Cullen could get the carriage to the blacksmith in the nearby village.And who knew when that would happen?
Nevertheless, Joy thanked all the men for their efforts, and tried to look excited by the idea that she’d be able to visit her cousin after all, once the road was fully clear.
Douglas arrived back later in the afternoon with the bulk of the men.All of them looked haggard and wind-blown.A gust of air proved how far the temperature had dropped, and the guttering candles created wild shadows on the wall until the front door was pulled shut again.
Not long after, Joy was startled when she sensed a presence by her chair.Douglas stood there, having changed into fresh clothing, the aroma of pine-scented soap hovering around him.
“I’ve paid for the privilege of the private dining room,” he announced.“Would you join me?”
“Join you?For dinner?”
“That was all I dared hope for, though I would be pleased to hear other options.”
She froze for a second as she caught the teasing innuendo, then sniffed to show how disdainful she was of the notion ofother options.How like Douglas.Always teasing and dancing along the edge of propriety—not because he was a rake, but because he thought so many of society’s rules were outmoded and silly.She remembered many conversations in which he railed against one tradition or another, always with good arguments, and always with the sort of good-natured teasing that made his commentary palatable to those who disagreed and signaled his true feelings to those who might be allies.
In fact, if Douglas’s words had been spoken by another type of gentleman, he would’ve been accused of sedition against the standards of the day, if not outright rebellion against aristocratic assumptions.Douglas was part of that world, and therefore could notpossiblywish to dismantle it.That was what people assumed anyway.Joy had believed he was more daring than most people thought, though she’d revised her opinion after he caved to his family’s expectations and did exactly what his own father demanded.
Talk was one thing.Talk sounded brave and could enchant the right ears.But talk was not action.
“So?Will you join me?”he prompted, recalling her to the present.“You need to eat one way or another.”
“What makes you think that the idea of dining with you is more appealing than dining alone?”
“There’s the wit I missed so much.My back aches from pushing snow aside all day, and my very bones are chilled from fighting the cold outside.If I dined alone, I can practically guarantee that I would fall asleep during the soup course.”
“Well, that’s incentive enough, if I can see you fall face first into your soup.If you need a minder so you make it through to dessert, I will take on the task.”It would’ve been simpler to just say thank you to him for all of his efforts and helping to clear the road.But nothing was simple between her and Douglas, and Joy wasn’t ready to forgive and forget.
But as he said, she had to eat.And if she were lucky, she might indeed see him fall face first into his soup.
The private dining room held a table that could accommodate up to six, but was set for only two.It also had a fireplace with two armchairs set in front of it.It was an inviting tableau on its own, but especially so when the table was filled with roasted meat, bread, applesauce, and a variety of other dishes designed to warm a person’s belly.
Dinner proceeded with a minimum of awkwardness, though Joy was aware of a desire to examine Douglas to a degree that society would not approve of.Her eyes wished to linger on his profile.Her ears wished to listen to his baritone voice tell jokes.Her fingers wished to touch the back of his hand and discover if his skin felt the same as it did so many years ago.
Of course, she did none of those things.It would be most improper.
