Page 15 of Sparks of Insanity
“There’s this weird practice stuff in there, it’s supposed to simulate skin so you can tattoo it, but now I’m kinda wondering what else you can do with it.” I wondered if he was being rude again, but he rubbed his hand over his left arm, the scarred mess left behind after a bad burn, and I realised he might have been serious for the first time almost ever.
“Does it still hurt?” His hand froze as he looked up from the box, and his usual smirk reappeared.
“Nah… just wondering all kinds of shit you don’t wanna know about, Chica. So… you like this?”
“It’s perfect, dad, thank you so much!” I almost wanted to hug him, but that inner people-phobe inside me was holding me back, and I could see he understood. He grinned as he stood up, his eyes darting around the room for a moment.
“We love you, kid, so just know that when you’re ready, we’re all here for you. What you said the other day, I don’t think you were entirely wrong, but we took on board what you said, so maybe we can still turn things around, yeah? All is not lost yet.”
I didn’t get a chance to argue with him, because he’d left the room, but that was probably the most sensible conversation I’d ever had with dad since everything that happened, and it felt like he was trying. Like he understood that I’d lashed out, but I still loved them, and if there was stuff they could fix now, for Ash, for Phoenix and Cole, then maybe like he said, all isn’t lost yet.
Ethan
WEEKENDS WERE USUALLY BUSY, catching up with a few friends, doing all the stuff I didn’t have time for during the week, visiting my parents and catching up with them, and the boring stuff too, like laundry.
What I didn’t expect was the next thing that came through my door via hand delivery. Was Suzy still trying her luck? I’d chosen not to address the note she’d sent, nor had I been in touch with her, because I didn’t want her getting the wrong idea, and also, I really didn’t want Ember working out where she lived, in case she tried speaking to her or something. I wasn’t sure what to do about Ember, because truthfully if I met her out and about, and she wasn’t my student right now, I’d have been attracted to her.
She was bright, and intelligent, and she could talk about all kinds of subjects with maturity and humour, and yet there was something so soft and vulnerable about her, but it was hard to see at first with the armour of her gothic makeup and clothing.
Did I look at her, and wonder if there were tattoos and piercings I couldn’t see adorning her body? Well, because I was a fucking predatory asshole, yeah, I really did. I never thought of myself that way, but my attraction to my student was fucking with my head like you wouldn’t believe.
That run in with her dads had me unnerved though, because they’d just warned me against the very thing I’d almost done, and I had to wonder if they’d listened at the door and knew everything, or if they were just guessing, or even warning me pre-emptively.
Even if they were just guessing, I knew I’d be under their scrutiny now, when I was there for Ember’s classes. I knew that they could be listening at any point, and I’d have to watch everything I said in future. Teaching her just went from the best part of my days, to the most challenging, and maybe the most dangerous.
Anyway, back to the envelope that came through my door on Sunday afternoon. I’d checked outside for the sender at the time, but there was nobody in sight, so I guess I’d missed hearing it when it came through.
It just had my name on the front, but it wasn’t Suzy’s handwriting this time. I unsealed the envelope and drew out the thick page within. When I unfolded it, I instantly knew who it was from, but I was stunned by the image on the page.It was me. Me; sketched with painstaking detail, down to each hair on my head, and each speck of stubble on my cheeks. Every crease of my lips, and the familiar grin on my face were drawn so beautifully it could almost have been a photograph. When had Ember even sketched this? When had she looked closely enough to remember this much detail?
Did she walk all this way, just to post it through my door, or was she using public transport? Even riskier, was she hitching with other drivers? Something about her made me wonder if she’d go for such a risky option, while some part of me wanted to go to her house, and drag her aside and demand that she be more careful. What I should be doing, is warning her to stay away from my home, maybe even away from me.
I took the picture with me to the bookshelf, retrieving the display book I kept there, opening it and leafing through sleeve after sleeve, each containing an Ember Cross original. I’d kept every single one she’d ever drawn for me, the angry aggressive ones and the funny ones, the ones mocking the subjects I taught her, and the ones depicting her hate for the world, and all the people in it.
Finally I found an empty sleeve, and gently eased the sketch into it, smoothing it down after it was in place. She drew most of these during those precious moments with me, and I couldn’t part with a single one of them. They were mine, just like I wished she could be.
“Fuck me, I need help,” I grumbled as I slid the display book back among the books and reached for my phone. I needed a distraction, because right now I was wallowing, and thinking about the one woman, the one girl, I couldn’t have.
How fucking frustrating that the first time I actually reached out to the person who could distract me, they didn’t even answer their phone.
In the end, I grabbed a beer from the fridge, and grabbed the remote, scrolling through the movies on offer, desperate to find something to distract me from my thoughts.
10
Ember
I’d been sitting onmy bed, staring at the tattoo kit, and pondering all the options for use with it, when I realised I hadn’t had a chance to read that letter I found in Mr E’s bag, so I opened it up in the gallery on my phone and read it, my fingers curling into a fist as I took in the words from that bitch, Suzy.
Ethan
I know we were interrupted last night, but I’d really like to pick up where we left off. I know you feel the attraction between us, just like I do. I’d love to take things further, and get to know you more intimately. Why don’t you pop round anytime and we can explore our growing feelings?
Love Suzy xx
What the fuck?! How dare she? How dare she make advances on the man I wanted? My god, my heart thudded in my chest as I realised just exactly what I was thinking. I wanted a man. Iliterally wanted him for me, for myself, to be mine. That’d mean more kissing, more touching, and it’d obviously mean sex, right? He could be my first, my only. One thing was for damn sure, she wasn’t having him.
I tore the latest picture I’d drawn of him from my sketchpad and snapped a pic on my phone, because I knew I’d miss it when it was gone. It was my favourite so far, and I had like thirty of them, various angles, and expressions on his face. I’d been drawing them for a while, but I’d always convinced myself it was practice, it was because I was with him all day, five days a week. It was just practicing drawing from memory. Now I knew the real reason. I was in love with him, and I had to have him.
I wasn’t sure what having him would entail exactly, but I wanted it. I dug out an envelope from my craft drawer, and sealed it inside, using a silver pen to scrawl his name in elegant letters. I’d drop this off for him, and keep my eye out for that Suzy woman. I’d seen her face last night, and she said ‘pop by’ so maybe she lived near him, or maybe she’d be visiting again. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if I saw her with him again, but the only way I’d find out more was by going there.
