Page 37 of Sparks of Insanity
Ethan
WHAT THE FUCK DID she just say? What was she asking of me? To force her, if she tried to back out? To force her into sex, even if she didn’t want it? That sent ice down my spine, and I eased my finger back out of her, sitting up again to face her properly.
“What the fuck did you just say?” Say I’m wrong. Say I misheard you.Pleasedon’t ask me to do this. Don’t fucking ask this of me.
Ember sat up, her elbows against the mattress, and fuck me I tried, but my eyes dropped to her breasts as they jiggled slightlywith the movement. I’m going straight to hell, and I fucking deserve it.
“Ethan, please. I can’t… I need you to do this, because I need to… to reclaim myself from them, from everything they did.”
“And you will, but this isn’t the way, Em. Asking me to rape you is not the fucking way.”
She winced at the sharpness of my tone, but I couldn’t soften it for her, because she was freaking me out. I’d barely finished telling her that I was losing my mind over her, and I almost fucking forced myself on her already, and now she’s asking me to follow through on that twisted impulse, no matter whether she begs me to stop? Had she not destroyed enough of me already?
“It’s not rape, Ethan. I’m giving you consent, but I’m saying if I lose my nerve, I need you to carry on. I need to take back my life, and stop living in fear of everything. I know this is an important step, and I realise it’s a big ask, but… well, you do want me, right?”Manipulative bitch. She knew I wanted her, and now she was trying to use that to coerce me into forcing her.
“Em, that’s not the fucking point. Do you get what you’re asking? I just lost everything, because everyone believed I was doing this stuff to you, and I wasn’t. Only now you’re asking me to actually do those things to you. Proving them right. Proving myself to be the monster they all imagine I already am.”
She offered me a half smile, shrugging her shoulders.
“So what do you have to lose? You’re already paying for it, so why not have what you want?”
That little fucking minx. I practically snarled at her as I surged forward, flattening her against the bed again, trapping her with my body.
“You’re playing with fire, little girl. Watch you don’t get burned beyond recognition. If I do this, I lose the last fucking piece of me that I was able to feel proud of. The last piece of me that defined who I am. It’s not just about whether you can comeback from this, Em. This could destroy both of us. Neither of us will be the same.”
She shivered beneath me, another sign that she really wasn’t fucking ready for this at all.
“You’re eighteen. You have your whole life ahead of you. A lifetime of opportunities and possibilities. Why would you let this be how your first time plays out? It could be with someone you love.”
She eyed me fiercely. “How do you know I’m not in love with you, Ethan? How can you be so sure of my feelings, when you’re so out of control yourself?”
It was like she wanted me to hurt her, because if she kept pushing me, any control I had would be long fucking gone, and I’d take her hard. I’d dreamed of fucking her. I’d fantasised about it. I’d lost everything because everyone suspected I’d done it. She was right, wasn’t she? If I’m already suffering the punishment for doing something I really want, why the fuck wouldn’t I just do it?
“Last chance to make a better decision, Em. If I go through with this, you can be damn fucking sure I’m not stopping, no matter how much you beg, or fight, or cry. Stop me now, or suffer the consequences.”
It wasn’t like I’d deliberately hurt her, just to prove her wrong. It was the fact that I could feel my conscience being drowned beneath the weight of what I wanted, and her wants were almost aligning with mine. Consent was given. She was simply telling me to ignore her if she tried to remove said consent. Em shook her head at me, that determined set to her jaw, and defiance in her eyes.Snap. There was the last of my restraint.
22
Ember
He groaned, a savagerumbling in his chest, and then his lips were on mine again, kissing me harder than before. There was real desperation in his kiss, in his movements, as his hands started gliding over my skin again.
He went back to teasing my nipples, and each touch and pinch sent shivers down my spine; the good kind, but I could see from the tortured look in his eyes that he thought they were a bad thing.
“More,” I whispered as he stared down at me again. He sighed heavily, murmuring something about going directly to hell, and his fingers slipped between us again, stroking between my legs, teasing at moisture my body was producing because I was ready for him, wanted him.
“Please, Ethan,” I whimpered as his fingers pressed again, one easing inside me, the penetration making me freeze for a secondagain. Ethan tutted, pulling back and thrusting that same finger deeper, harder. I tensed further, I just couldn’t help it.
“Relax, Em. If you can’t take a finger, you’ll never take my cock, and you want my cock, don’t you? You want me thrusting it deep inside you, smashing through your sweet little virginal barrier. You want to be pinned beneath me while I plunder you with my thick cock.”
I wanted those things, but fear was starting to build again. I couldn’t help it. I’d never willingly accepted these touches before tonight, and they were freaking me out, bringing back memories I couldn’t fight. I squeezed my eyes closed, and Ethan growled.
“Open your fucking eyes, Em. You’ll look me in the eye as I fuck you. I won’t accept you hiding from me. You wanted this, so you’ll fucking stay in the moment with me.”
His finger started moving more erratically inside me, then he pulled it back out and lifted it to his lips, licking it with a low groan.
“You taste so much sweeter than I imagined. You’d think all that sass hides your sweetness, but it’s right here.” He pushed his finger against my lips, dragging it across them, before pushing it between them. “Suck your taste from my finger, Em. This is how sweet you are.”
