Page 36 of Sparks of Insanity
Ember
Ethan stared at me,a wealth of emotions crossing his face as he fought with himself, with his urges, and his needs, his fists clenched tight at his sides.
“Please, Ethan. Be my first, be my only,” I whispered, sliding my hands up to cup my breasts like I’d seen in the movies I’d watched. When you’re a virgin, and you have nothing but questions about sex and what people do together, porn is the easiest way to find out. I mean, sure, some of it is pretty nasty, and there were videos that made me gasp and skip them instantly, but I knew what my body was telling me, and I knew it was Ethan I wanted.
“Em,” he whispered, his hands moving to the fastenings on his jeans, before they froze again. I trailed my fingers over my nipples, which were in tight buds, and a shiver of intense tingles rippled through me. Wow. They’ve never done that before, but then I’d never been in this situation before.
I did it again, and a soft moan left my lips. Suddenly Ethan’s hands were moving, and he was shoving his jeans down, and he didn’t stand up fully again until he was completely naked, that scary big dick of his pointing upwards. A stark reminder that I was about to lose my virginity to the one man whose touch had never freaked me out.
“Em…” At last, Ethan moved onto the bed, kneeling over my thighs, straddling me, with that rigid appendage so much closer now. It was darker than the rest of his body, particularly at the tip, where it looked angry and red. There was liquid building at the tip, pre-cum, and I felt this weird urge to touch it, but I had no idea if that would please him.
“Have you seen a… fuck, what am I saying, you’ve had these things forced in your direction before,” Ethan hissed, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling as he took a ragged breath. “I’m sorry. That was so fucking insensitive of me.”
“Ethan, don’t do that to yourself, okay? Yes, I’ve had boys force me to touch them, and suck them, but theirs were nothing like yours. They were pathetic, and… and I can’t believe how big yours is.”
Ethan’s lips quirked briefly as he finally met my eyes again.
“You say the kindest things, Em. Fucking hell. What am I doing?” If he changed his mind now, I think I’d actually kill him. I knew that kind of psychopathy was in my genes. I knew Blaze was a serial murderer, and I knew that our dads weren’t all that innocent either. Could I do it though? To him?!
“Please don’t leave me like this, Ethan. It took so much courage to lay myself out like this for you, to be willing to have you inside me. Don’t humiliate me by rejecting me now, please.”
Ethan shuddered, and leaned closer, bracing himself over me on his fists, his eyes fierce on mine as he lowered himself further.
“I could never reject you, Em. I tried, but the truth is, I was always going to be too weak to resist you. Please just remember that I tried.”
I lifted my head, so I could press my lips against his, and I felt and heard his low groan as his mouth responded, and he dropped down onto his elbows, his palms cupping my cheeks as he started to kiss me long and slow, his tongue delving between my lips to devour me.
I already felt like nerve endings were singing, and that was just from a kiss. How much more amazing could it feel? Ethan pulled back, letting out a low curse, as he fixed his eyes on mine.
“Have you ever had anything inside you, Em? Is my cock going to be the first?”
I felt him adjusting his balance on top of me, one leg pressing between mine, urging me to open up for him, and then he was between them, and his fingers were dipping down and stroking me there.
Oh god, it felt like nothing I could have imagined. It felt like he was sending tingles of delight through me, emanating out from where his fingers were stroking, and teasing. I could feel there was plenty of wetness down there, and his fingers were gliding easily back and forth.
“I… am I wet enough?”
Ethan’s eyes stayed on mine as one finger suddenly started pushing slowly inside me, and I froze, sucking in a panicked breath as I squeezed my eyes shut. The alien sensation was too much, too strange, and suddenly I was back in that classroom in school, pinned against the wall as the asshole was jamming his fingers into my underwear, and trying to do this very thing.
“Em. Em, open your eyes and look at me. Ember, dammit!”
Shock had me obeying, and meeting his eyes with mine, even as I felt mortification chilling the blood in my veins, cooling that warm sultry glow I’d been feeling.
“Is this hurting you?” Ethan’s voice was soft again. I shook my head, not wanting to put into words what I was feeling or thinking. Dwelling on, even.
“Is it too much? Do you need me to stop?”
I shook my head, and that finger suddenly pushed deeper inside me, stretching that unused part of me around his intruding flesh, dragging a shocked gasp from me.
“Em, look at me. We can stop. You don’t have to do this; you have nothing to prove.”
But I did. I really did have something to prove,to myself. I had to believe that I could do this. That I could grow and be normal, and not always be controlled by the way they made me feel. I’m not just that girl they forced. I’m me.
“I need this, Ethan, but I need you to promise me something. It’s really important to me.”
He swallowed hard, nodding slowly, like he could sense that he wouldn’t like what I was about to ask of him.
“I need you to keep going, even if I beg you to stop.”
