Page 60 of Ryder
“I’ll try, darlin’, but I don’t think you wanna watch me take a leak when we’re done.”
He grinned, a small effort, but I appreciated it.
“I concede that point… but can you help me shower first?”
He gave me a mock offended look then.
“I’m not a kid. I can hold it. Okay… Shit… I gotta take off my cut, okay? I’ll hang it on the door, but I don’t want to get it wet. The rest of my clothes don’t matter.”
I watched him as he shrugged off the leather garment, and carefully draped it over a hook on the back of the door. Hetreated it with respect, kind of the same way he’d touched me. I didn’t deserve that from him, not after what I’d done.
I watched as Ryder turned the shower on, and adjusted the temperature, then he fussed with his shower gel for a moment, before he turned to look at me.
“I, uh… I don’t have anything to wash you with.”
“Whatever you use is fine.”
He shook his head. “No, I mean, like don’t women use sponges, or those weird scrunched up things? I usually just use my hands. That’s not gonna work for you, not if I’m the one doing it.”
I shuddered at the thought of his hands touching my skin. Although I felt safe with him, I didn’t want him touching me, while I had the other one all over me. I couldn’t let them combine, or it’d taint him too. I didn’t want to associate him with the other.The beast.
“Oh.”
He stood there for a moment, his eyes darting around the small room, then he nodded.
“Okay, I’ll be literally right outside the door. I have an idea.”
He stepped out of the room, but he stayed mostly where I could see him. I heard something tearing, and then he was back. He’d torn up a towel, so we had a ragged flannel sized piece to use.
“It’s not ideal, but it’ll work for now, I think?”
I nodded, struck once again by the way he seemed to care so much about my comfort, after what I’d done to him.
“Thank you.”
“I’ll get some other stuff in for you for the morning.”
I couldn’t think about tomorrow. Right now, I needed to focus on one thing at a time. Being clean was paramount.
“Okay. So… now I need to get you out of that sheet, and under the water, is that okay?”
I swallowed hard. “I don’t deserve this.”
He crouched again, staring up at me.
“Why don’t you deserve to be looked after right now? Nobody should go through what you did.”
There it was.The point I’d been making to myself since it happened.
“Why shouldn’t I? I did it to you.”
He paled slightly, and took a breath.
“It’s not the same thing. Now come on, let’s get you clean. We’ll get every fucking trace of that bastard off you.”
“He… he was inside me,”I whispered pathetically, watching his face harden with anger.
“And I regret killing him so fast, because for that he should be paying with days of pain.”
