Page 84 of Ryder
“I’m grizzly? Like a fucking bear?”
She laughed again, and she’d been doing that more the last day or so. Trust me when I say I noticed every fucking thing about her.
“In a good way, Ryder. It was a compliment.”
I reached up and ran a hand over the stubble on my face that I’d been ignoring for a couple of weeks.
“I guess I’m probably due for a tidy up.”
She swiped the book again, and tossed it on the pillow.
“Don’t you dare. I think it suits you.”
Yeah, she probably wouldn’t say that if she’d actually let me kiss her. I’d be rubbing her face raw. But yeah, kissing was ano. We’d discussed everything sexual over the last few days, and there was nothing she was willing or able to try yet.Nothing.
I knew it had only been a week or so since she was raped, but it was starting to wear on me. Not because I was an asshole who wanted to force her into stuff, but because I’d gone nearly a month, and I was getting fucking antsy.
I hadn’t responded, what with being conflicted about what a horny bastard I was, and now she’d gone quiet. Dammit. I reached out and touched her shoulder, and she flinched.
“For fuck’s sake!” I growled, getting up from the bed. “You know I won’t fucking hurt you.”
She tossed her bath towel in my general direction.
“Go to hell.”
I grabbed the towel and tossed it back in the bathroom, not caring where it landed.
“Have I hurt you at any time?” I demanded, and she stood up, her fists clenched by her sides.
“Just because you haven’t so far, doesn’t mean that you won’t, at some point. All men do. Remember, I learned that shit first hand.”
I wanted to grab her and shake her.
“I’m not fucking like that. How many more times do I have to tell you?”
She glared at me, then slumped on the bed again.
“Jesus, I’m trying, Ryder. I really am. I just don’t feel safe, and I know that’s not your fault, but whether we like it or not, you’re a man, and I’m a woman. Weak. Easy to overpower, and force. Whether you mean to or not.”
“Jesus Christ.” I left the room before I fucking threw things. As I passed the prospect on the door, Nick this time, I pointed at the door.
“She doesn’t fucking leave. You stop her, no matter what it takes.”
“You’re asking me to force a rape victim to stay here, by manhandling her?” He looked horrified, and who could fucking blame him. I was really starting to learn how much of a fucking asshole I could be, especially when it came to her.
“Whatever it fucking takes,” I snapped, heading for the one person who could help me.
I thumped my fist against Ice’s door, and he pulled it open with a cranky look on his face.
“Oh crap, what the hell do you want this time? It’s never you stopping by to say ‘oh, hey Ice, how ya doing buddy’. It’s always some kind of meltdown, so what it is this time?”
I shoved past him, and pushed the door closed behind me, steeling myself for what I was about to say. I took a deep breath. Once it was said, there’d be no turning back.
“I need drugs.”
His face fell, and he backed up a step.
“What the actual fuck. No. You don’t do that shit.”
