Page 103 of Has-Been
The room fell silent, and then I had to ask. I knew I would be opening a can of worms, but I had to, because it was eating at me. It made me feel fucking itchy with disgust, and needing a thousand showers, and I had to know where the fuck he’d seen references to it. Had he looked into me? Did he know shit he shouldn’t know?
“Why’d you say it though? ‘Golden boy’, what the fuck… where did that come from, Ice? I need to know.”
He looked confused, as did Stitch as he stood up again, briefly grasping Ice’s shoulder.
“What’s wrong with that?” He asked, staring at me like I was some kind of fucking exhibit in a zoo.
“Yeah, Has. Is there an issue with that name?” Fuck. I couldn’t tell them. I couldn’t talk about this with them, not right now. I stood up, needing to get out of that room, but Stitch blocked my path, frowning as I tried to sidestep him.
“I’m done here. Let me out.”
“Has?” I took Elise’s hand as she approached me, kissing her fingers.
“We’re done, Pres.”
“We’re done when I say we are, brother. What’s wrong with the term ‘golden boy’.” I literally felt myself flinch that time, and Reacher’s face dropped as he took in my reaction. He cleared his throat, rubbing at his eyebrow piercing as he normally did when he was agitated.
“Fuck. That’s whattheyused to call you?” He didn’t have to elaborate, because everyone in the room grasped his meaning instantly. The silence this time was heavy and pressing in on me, like it was a physical body coming at me. Ice cursed, turning to apologise to me, but I couldn’t hear it right now.
“Jesus, just let me out,” I practically whispered. Stitch backed up and let us leave, closing the door behind us. Elise wrapped her arms around me, the instant we were away from them.
“Just take a minute, Has. Take a deep breath for me, and let this go. He didn’t know. He couldn’t, right?” Right.So why did it still cut like a fucking knife?
Epilogue One
Haswastooquietafter that incident with Ice, and I knew that even though it was all a ruse to try and draw out a serial killer intent on destroying the club, and therefore in Ice’s eyes, for the greater good, I knew he was hurting.
I caught him in the bathroom, scrutinising the light stubble on his head, and I knew he was still struggling with the loss of his locs, his entire identity in some ways.
“It’ll grow back, I promise.”
He caught my eye in the mirror, and offered a small grin.
“I know, babe, it’s just still a shock every time I see myself. I’ve had that look for so fucking long, and you know, my head’s always cold these days. It’s such a weird thing to dwell on, but yeah… it bugs me.”
“I’ll crochet you a hat,” I offered, even though I didn’t have the first idea how to do that. I’d learn, for him.
“It’s okay, babe, your brother tossed me like five of these damn beanie hats and they’ll do.”
“What was your hair like before the dreads?”
Has swallowed hard, and turned to face me.
“Like a golden boy’s.”Oh god. Maybe the Ice thing wasn’t as big a problem as this reminder of his past, the powerlessness of being a child stuck in that kind of hell.
“Do you need Lissa?”
He shook his head, crossing the room and dragging me against his chest, his arms tight around my back.
“This works better. I just need to remember how to lock that shit down tight again, and I’ll be fine.” We both knew it was a lie, but it could be a discussion for another day.
I could feel some of the tension dropping from Has’ strong build, and I didn’t want to encourage any of it back. His heartbeat was steady and strong in his chest, and when I lifted my head, his lips met mine immediately for a quick kiss.
“Babe… I want you to be my old lady, you know that, right? Is that still what you want?”
I nodded, because of course it was.
“Always, you know that.”
