Page 65 of In Safe Hands
“What what?”
“You’re acting weird.”
He gave a short bark of laughter. “Sorry. I’ll try to normalize.”
“I’d rather you just tell me what the problem is.”
“It’s not a problem, really.” He stood and gathered the abandoned desserts, as if he needed to move. “I’m just surprised you want me here, that’s all.”
“Why is that surprising?” She followed him into the kitchen. “I like having you around. Well, most of the time. You do have those occasional annoying moments, but they’re rare, and I’m forgiving.”
Dropping the bowls on the counter, he turned toward her so quickly that Daisy took a step back. “Are you?”
“Am I what?”
“Forgiving.”
“Yes.” The word came out slowly and a little warily.
“I guess you’d have to be.” That time, his laugh had no humor in it.
“You’re being weird again.”
“Sorry.” He stared at her. “Do you think you could forgive me?”
“For what?”
Bracing his hands on the counter to either side of him, he stared at the tile floor. Finally raising his eyes to meet hers, he said quietly, “Hesitating.”
It took her a moment to figure out what he was saying. When realization struck, her whole body jerked with shock. Her mouth opened, but there was no air for speech.
“Never mind.” He turned away from her, but Daisy lunged forward, grabbing his arm to spin him around.
“Chris…” Even though the words in her brain weren’t any more ordered than they had been earlier, she knew she couldn’t stay silent. “It wasn’t your fault.”
His blank expression didn’t change. “I had the shot, but I didn’t take it.”
“He decided, you said,” she argued. “He’d made the decision to kill my mom.”
“If I’d made the shot before he did—”
“She’d probably still be dead!” Her voice had gotten loud, so she brought it down a few decibels. “His finger was on the trigger. I remember. I was staring at it, praying that he didn’t pull it. If you’d put a bullet in his head that half-second earlier, what would’ve happened? I don’t know what a body’s reaction to being shot would be, but if his hand had tightened, even a little bit, he would’ve killed her anyway.”
“We don’t know that!” Now he was yelling. “We don’t know what would’ve happened!”
“No.” For some reason, his frenzy was making it easier for her to be calm. “We don’t. If I hadn’t screamed, if you’d shot a tiny bit sooner, if another deputy had needed a bag of potato chips and happened to be in the store, if my mom would’ve misplaced her car keys and been five minutes later getting there… I’ve thought all of these things. Every time I rewrite it in my mind, though, it doesn’t help. My mom’s still dead, and I’m too messed up in the head to leave the house.”
Breathing hard, he stared at her. His face was pulled tight, his eyes almost wild, and he looked like a stranger. Deciding she needed to fix that, Daisy closed the gap between them and took his face in her hands, just like he’d done for her earlier.
“I’m alive because you shot him. You’re alive because you shot him. The other deputies who arrived to back you up are alive because you shot him. I know you wish you could’ve saved my mom, too, but it didn’t work out that way. You need to make your peace with that, or you’ll end up as crazy as I am.”
“You’re not crazy.”
Her laugh was more of a sob. “Oh, Chris. I do love you.” The words were out, raw and honest. His reaction when she’d tried to kiss him was bad enough, but now, if he rejected her… It was too horrible to think about. But no matter what he said or did, it wouldn’t change the truth about her feelings. She did love him. She’d loved him since that awful day, and she’d keep loving him for the rest of her life. A sense of resigned peace filled her, and she slid her arms around his middle. It was a long time before he relaxed enough to hug her back.
“I love you, too, Dais.” His hold on her tightened. “You’re my best friend.”
Joy flooded her for just a moment before the truth soured her happiness. Chris was right—they were friends. No matter how much she might wish for more, friends were all they ever could be. Shoving away the melancholy cloud that settled over her at the thought, she hugged him tighter. If friendship was all he could offer, she’d hold onto that with both hands. He was her best friend, too, and that was precious and wonderful. Daisy wasn’t about to ruin that by sulking because Chris didn’t have a romantic interest in her. She could do the just-friends thing, she decided, even as her heart twisted painfully in protest.
