Page 64 of Rocky Mountain Cowboy Christmas
At Nate’s direct question, Camille stopped breathing for a second. Her gaze darted around the table, looking from face to face, trying to judge their reactions. The kids didn’t seem obviously upset, but she wondered if they were hiding their true feelings.
“Now that you’ve just blurted it out…” Steve gave Nate an exasperated look. “Yes, Camille and I are in a relationship.”
For some reason, Steve’s bald confirmation of Nate’s guess made Camille even more uneasy. The kids seemed to like her, but there was a world of difference between liking a temporary guest and liking their dad’s girlfriend. Also, she and Steve hadn’t discussed the whole relationship thing or even touched on what they were going to say to the kids—or his brothers.
“We are?” she blurted, drawing everyone’s attention. She focused on Steve’s brothers first, since a negative reaction from the kids would hurt a lot more than one coming from Ryan or Nate or Joe. Nate shook his head, Joe concentrated on eating, and Ryan stared at her, his lips in a tight, straight line. Uncomfortable, she glanced away and ended up meeting Steve’s gaze, which wasn’t much better.
“Yes,” he said firmly, although she thought he looked hurt. Instantly, she felt guilty. “At least, I thought we were. Don’t you want to be?”
“Yes, I just…” Everyone was staring at her, and she felt the urge to babble pushing at her, but she resisted. “I wish the two of us had talked about it first.”
“Talk about what?” Steve sounded honestly confused, and she tried to think of the best way to express her feelings, which was hard enough to do when they were alone, without seven pairs of eyes on them.
“Whether you’re actually in a relationship, for starters, sounds like,” Ryan muttered, and Camille shot him ashut uplook. He must’ve interpreted it correctly, because he imitated Joe and focused on his food.
“Do you not want to date me?” Now the hurt was evident in Steve’s voice, even though his tone was calm and steady, as usual. All four kids turned accusing eyes toward Camille, and she put her hands up defensively.
“It’s not that!” She scrambled to put her thoughts into phrases that made sense, even as her brain spun with everything that was happening. “I do want to, and I’m happy we…” She quickly edited what she was about to say to make it suitable for the kids’ ears. “I’m glad we’re in a relationship, and I like you…a lot.” Mentally wincing at the understatement, she plowed on, willing to humiliate herself if that would make the hurt in his eyes go away.
“I’m just not good at this, at talking…about this feelings thing, especially, and it’s hard enough when it’s just the two of us, so it’s even harder when I’m in front of everyone, because I like the kids, too—so much—and it’s so important to me that I’m worthy of all of you liking me back, so having to do something that I’m brutally bad at in front of everyone, knowing I’m going to crash and burn and babble and not make any sense…” She trailed off as she got turned around in her thoughts and lost her nerve, pretty much at the same time.
Silence settled heavily over the kitchen as Camille poked at her pancakes with her fork, wishing that Nate had started this discussion after they’d eaten—or, better yet, never started it at all. She sighed silently, knowing they would’ve had to talk about it with the kids at some point. She just wished she could’ve had a little more of the floaty, happy feeling before she destroyed everything.
“I like you.” Maya was the first one to speak, and Camille felt a huge rush of gratitude. If she’d been a hugger, she would’ve given Maya a squeeze. Since she wasn’t, especially with the awkward tension hanging over the kitchen at the moment, she gave what she could—a piece of bacon from her plate. Maya accepted it with a grin and promptly ate it.
“I like you,” Will said. Camille had to wonder if the bacon had been part of his motivation to speak next. Even so, she appreciated the sentiment, so she reached across the table and dropped a piece on his plate. Picking it up, he saluted her with it. “I’m fine with you two dating or whatever. I’m just glad you and Dad have stopped doing that weird, awkward flirting thing you’ve been doing.”
“I second that,” Nate added. “I’ve never seen two people sobadat flirting. It was painful to watch. And here I thought Steve was good at everything.” Camille winced a little, and Nate hurried to continue. “I like you, too, Camille. You’re a really likable person.”
She suddenly worried that they thought she’d been fishing for compliments with her mess of a monologue, and she started to say something to that effect, but Zoe interrupted before she could.
“Uncle Nate and Maya and Will are right,” she said, “and not just about you being likable and nice to all of us. I’m glad you’re with Dad and that you’re going be staying here.”
Staying here?The words rang through Camille’s head, making her realize that there was another aspect of her and Steve’s relationship she hadn’t thought out. She’d planned to get a new place once the insurance company payment came through, but she hadn’t considered whether she’d be leaving now that they were together. Of course, maybe the reason she hadn’t thought about it yet was because they’d been together forone night. Shoving that whole minefield out of her head, she gave Zoe a piece of bacon.
“Where’s mine?” Nate asked. “I said nice things about you.”
He’d also said that she was painfully bad at flirting—and started this whole mess to begin with—but she really couldn’t blame him for that, since it was true. She handed over the bacon.
Steve had been quiet next to her, and she’d avoided looking at him so far, even though she could feel the heavy weight of his gaze on the side of her face. Was he angry, still hurt, confused? Or, even worse, amused? She wished he’d say something before her imagination made her start panicking.
“You’re fine.” Micah’s scratchy voice surprised her, as did his obvious irritation. When she glanced at him, he wasn’t looking at her. Instead, his scowl was focused on his father. “We all like you, including Dad. He’s being a dick.”
“Language, Micah.” Despite the correction, Steve didn’t sound angry.
“Fine, a jerk, then. She’s like me. She needs to have time to think about things. You and Uncle Nate dumped this on her with all of us here, and then you acted like it was her fault for freaking out. It’s kind of a big deal. I mean, she’s not getting just you. She has to take all of us. That’s a lot for someone who doesn’t really like people. Give her a minute to think about it.”
Camille wanted to stand up and applaud, but she knew Micah wouldn’t appreciate it. Instead, she blinked back tears and reached for a piece of bacon. Hers was gone, so she took one off Steve’s plate and handed it to Micah. He gave her a small lift of his chin as he accepted the slice.
She heard Steve let out a heavy breath, and she braced herself for whatever he was going to say. She had access to her money now, and she’d gotten new keys made for her car, thanks to Zoe’s hot-wiring skills, so she could go stay at the hotel in Ebba if he kicked her out. The thought of it made her sick to her stomach, though.
“You’re right, Micah.” Steve turned toward Camille, leaning his head closer to hers. “I shouldn’t have announced it like that without talking with you. I seem to be screwing up all sorts of conversations lately. I’m sorry.” His voice was so quiet that she felt the words against her ear as much as she heard them. “I knew I said the wrong thing, but I wasn’t sure how to fix it.” He moved his hand so it brushed against hers. Even with the whole disastrous family meeting happening, she couldn’t stop the shiver that zipped down her spine at that small touch. “Forgive me?”
Her whole body relaxed as his words penetrated, and she felt as though her bones had transformed into jelly. She hadn’t been sure what he was going to say, but she hadn’t expected an apology. Unable to speak without her voice shaking, she gave him a small, stiff nod and interlaced her fingers with his.
He squeezed her hand, his forehead resting against her temple for a moment as he let out a long breath. Camille wondered if he was as relieved as she was that they were back on less-shaky footing. They stayed like that until Joe cleared his throat.
“Camille,” he muttered, and she looked at him in surprise. He never spoke much unless he had to, especially to her. “You’re okay.”
