Page 115 of The Marriage Narrative
“It wasn’t my idea,” he repeated, as if it were all he had to hold on to. “I wanted it to be private, something just for us. I wanted you to be sure that I was enough. That you really wanted me.”
“Of course I want you.”
“No, I mean I—” His proposal wasn’t perfect yet, but it had to be now. “Zinnia, I wanted to marry you then and I want to marry you now. I want to meet your parents, tell them the truth about us, and ask them to be there. I want to see you in your wedding dress with your dad walking you down the aisle. I want to marry you with our friends standing by our side. I want to marry you with my family watching me make the best decision I’ve ever made, again. I want to marry you and dance to ‘Viva Forever.’ I want to marry you not as a do-over, but as the culmination of the second chance you gave me. I want you to be sure being with me is enough to outweigh this never-ending circus I pulled you into. Because I don’t know if it is, and I need you to tell me. Am I enough? Will you marry me again?”
Judging by the way she forcefully exhaled, he thought Zinnia might’ve been holding her breath. She launched forward, slamming into him so hard he fell back against the wall. He held her up by the waist, and she held on to him tighter than she’d ever had before, burying her face in his neck.
Every second she said nothing was an eternity. He concentrated on the rise and fall of her chest against his. The softness of her bare shoulder under his hand. How perfectly she fit inside his arms. She was trembling—in all the times he’d held her, he’d never felt her do that.
Zinnia raised her head as if she were coming up for air. Like almost everything she did, the way she kissed surprised him. It was without mercy, hell-bent on bending him to her will. And when he pushed back, refusing to be conquered, she matched his energy, just like she’d promised. His wife always smelled like flowers. Touched him as roughly as she did tenderly. And he loved her insatiable mouth.
“Yes, you are and yes, I will.” Her gasping whisper instantlyrestored his shattered heart. “And for the love of god, will youpleasehelp me take my dress offnow?”
Jordan was all too happy to oblige. Her breath hitched as his fingertips trailed down her spine, chasing the zipper. So, itwasa thong.
Zinnia winced while peeling the petals off her perfect breasts, and he eagerly volunteered to massage the pain away. He loved her at all times, in all ways, and especially like this, with darkened eyes and heavy lids. They were naked and on the bed within seconds.
“I meant everything I said,” he murmured close to her ear while moving inside her. “What do you want?”
“What do you think?” She bucked her hips and clenched, throwing off his rhythm just to prove she could.
He grunted in response, swearing and laughing into the hollow of her neck. Holding on to a vault for so long had turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Being with her made him feel unhinged, wild and euphoric, but he could temporarily lock those feelings away long enough to get an answer.
He gripped the backs of her knees, lifting her legs and pushing them forward to change his angle. Heat pulsed through him as she gasped with anticipation. He began thrusting slowly, leisurely, deeply in the exact way she liked when he wanted to take his time.
She cupped his jaw with both hands, struggling to hold his gaze. He loved the way her eyelids fluttered and how she arched her back to be even closer to him.
“Zinnia. Tell me,” he urged.
The words wererightthere. He saw them in her eyes, but she was biting her bottom lip to hold them in. She plunged her hands into his curls, massaging his scalp and trying to distract him again.
Jordan fought to keep his pace steady. Measured. Thismoment was about her. Not him. He loved her generosity and her focus. How present she was even while overwhelmed and panting. “Please tell me,” he begged, and then savored every second of her stifling her moans by kissing him.
“I want to marry you again.” She spoke quickly, halting and desperate. “I want you to be happy. I want us to stay like this.”
His temporary vault instantly split straight down the middle, cracking open right along with his chest because that was all the confirmation he needed.Thiswas as far as she wanted their marriage to go.
“Is that okay? You have to say it,” she pleaded in between gasps.
There wasn’t a force in this world that could make him say anything other than, “Of course it is.” Not even his own conflicted heart. Not when she looked him in the eye like that, both hopeful and afraid. He loved when she truly let him in.
“And you’re safe with me. You’ll always be safe with me.”
Fuck. Everything he’d been holding back shot through him like a lightning strike. He bit down on her shoulder, rubbing her clit at the same time before he fully lost control.
He loved it when she came first.
Zinnia
Hours later, Jordan scooped her up into spooning position and covered them with the blanket. He made a trail of kisses from her temple to her shoulder and back again, quietly laughing to himself. The shape of his smile pressed into her skin.
“What does your tattoo mean? You’ve seen my cumulonimbus. You owe me,” she said. He’d actually done more thanseeit.
“Nothing.” He sighed. “I was twenty-one, drunk, and in Vegas. I saw it on a wall and now it’s on my arm.”
“Isthatwhy you’re covered up all the time? To hide your shame?”
“Yeah, that’s it.”
