Page 103 of The Friend Scheme
He raises his hand to touch me. I pull away.
“Because you’re a Donovan,” I say. “We’re on opposite sides. I gave myself a rule, and I need to stick to it. We can be friends, but that’s all. Look at me. Please. Let’s just be friends. That’s as far as I can go.”
“Why’d you touch my foot, then?” He doesn’t ask in a harsh way, it seems he genuinely wants to know.
“I didn’t mean to.”
He stares at me blankly.
“Okay, sorry,” I say. I bring my knees up to my chest. “Maybe I wanted to see what would happen. Because I do like you, I just… I wish I could show you what’s going on in my head right now.”
“Use your words. What were you hoping would happen?”
“Truly, I don’t know.”
“Just tell me: What do you want?”
I know what I want. But I’m not allowed.
Then again, maybe I should just say screw it and go all in.
I get very hyped up at the thought.
Ryan Donovan flashes in my mind. Then he shifts to Jason sitting on the chair, with slashes on his chest. Vince slices down, killing him.
“What are you thinking?” he asks. “Talk to me.”
“I think it all boils down to the fact that I’m scared of how much I could like you.”
“I’m scared of how much I could like you, too.”
That sinks in. I can’t think of anything to say to that. I guess he can’t, either, as we both turn our attention back to the movie.
I can’t focus on it, though. It’s hopeless. I like him too much.
Even though I know I shouldn’t, I brush my arm against his. It’s only a tiny amount of contact, but it sends a crackling static feelingthrough me. He keeps watching. I stop paying attention to the movie, to focus instead on how close I am to him. It feels as if time has slowed down.
Our arms are almost touching, and we’re nearly skin to skin.
I keep watching.
I brush my arm against his again. He doesn’t move.
I do it again, and then he moves his arm out, so it’s resting against mine. I glance at him, and he’s focused on the movie.
“Hey,” I say.
He swallows. “Hey. Did you decide, is this okay?”
“Yeah, I like it,” I say.
“Cool, I like it, too. How about this? Tell me if I go too far.”
His foot moves across and touches mine. I tilt my foot and touch his. And all of a sudden it’s on, we’re bumping and touching each other.
I like it so much.
I can’t do this.
