Page 54 of What are the Risks
He was so broken, and every part of me ached to comfort him – to help him feel better. Despite everything, what I felt for him hadn’t disappeared – not overnight.
I loved him, but I hated him. I missed him, but I never wanted to see him again. I felt sorry for him, but I didn’t pity him.
I’d never seen Noah cry before, and I wasn’t ready to see it now. So I stared at the car roof instead, knowing that if I looked at him for even a second longer, I’d fall apart.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “It’s over. We won’t ever get past this.”
“Ruby, I–” His voice trembled as a sob escaped. “Not being able to speak to you every day is going to be so hard.”
And now we were both crying.
I didn’t remember a life without Noah. Messaging him, calling him, talking to him... it was second nature. I’d have to fight the instinct to call him after a shift, to ask what he was having for dinner, to talk about my day and hear about his.
The sadness in this car was suffocating. The windows had fogged over, just like in Titanic. Only there was no steamy love making happening, just a snotty and teary breakup.
Throughout high school and college, Noah had always talked so openly about our future, about getting engaged, married, and even starting a family. Why did he have to shatter the life I thought we were about to begin? Why did he have to break something I thought I’d have for a lifetime?
With a sniff, I wiped away my tears before buckling my seat belt. “Can you please drop me off now?”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Room 824
Ryker
And just like that, my college football career had come to an end. I stared up at the score – twenty-seven to thirty, and not in our favour. This feeling sucked, but that was the reality of sports. Only one team won.
The home crowd were celebrating their victory, the cheers and music deafeningly loud. For all the losses I’d faced over the years, even as a kid and in high school, this one hurt the most. We might be East Coast Champions, but National Champions had always been my goal.
I’d already handled all the post-game formalities, like shaking hands with the opposing coach and quarterback, and offering congratulations to the other team when a camera was shoved in my face. Now I was ready to get the fuck out of here.
Our locker room was devastatingly quiet as the guys filed inside. For some of my teammates, that wasn’t just their final college game – it was the last time they’d ever play football. While I had the Draft to focus on, there was no football in their futures.
When the post-game interviewer had asked how I was feeling about the Draft, I’d been quick to deflect the question. Talking about it felt wrong, knowing how many of my teammates’ careershad just ended. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d let them down. They’d missed out on their fairytale finish because of me.
As I collapsed in front of my locker, I went over every play, trying to figure out what had gone wrong and what the result would have been if I’d done some things differently.
“Don’t,” my cousin said from beside me, dropping his helmet on the ground with a heavy thud. “Thinking like that is a slippery slope.”
Figures he knew where my head was at. Over half of our lives had been spent on a football team together, and now that chapter was closed – finished with a three-point loss.
His parents were here, along with my entire family and Ruby’s mum and dad. I felt guilty that they’d all flown in from out of state for this ending. I really fucking hated losing.
To make matters even worse, the person I wanted to see most wasn’t here. Ruby had started the surgical placement last week, and had been rostered on every day since. I’d promised to win tonight so that she could be there for my final game next weekend, but that wasn’t going to happen now.
Since Miami, we hadn’t spoken as much as normal. Football had been crazy while I prepared for the post-season, and Ruby had been busy with work.
When she’d admitted that her memories from the nightclub were hazy, I wished I had asked her exactly which parts she remembered. That way I’d know whether she wasactuallycaught up at the hospital, or if she was just using it as an excuse to avoid me.
Evan hadn’t stopped giving me shit me about that weekend. He loved reminding me that I’d played the elephantcard and hadn’t even gotten to second base, while he’d been enjoying his first threesome.
I hadn’t called elephant because I’d thought something would happen with Ruby and me, I’d used it so he got the message loud and clear to take the party elsewhere.
And fine, maybe I’d also hoped Ruby and I could finish the conversation about the picture. But before I could bring it up, she’d thrown up at my feet and the night ended abruptly.
I’d had to carry her from the pizza shop to the hotel. Thankfully it was less than two blocks and she was as light as a feather.
When we got back to the room, she’d drunkenly tossed aside her shoes and belt before falling into bed still wearing my tee. When I found it on the bathroom floor the next morning, it still smelled of her perfume. Had I creepily sniffed it? Of course, because I was a fucking freak when it came to her nowadays.
