Page 53 of What are the Risks
“You really have no clue why?” he whispered.
“Clearly not.”
Noah’s hands wrapped around the steering wheel, clenching tightly. As I numbly stared at them, I realised two things – they’d been on other women, and they’d never be on me again.
“I’m not your person, Ruby.”
“You’re myonlyperson, Noah.”
The only guy I’d ever been with. And until yesterday, I’d thought I was the only girl he’d been with too. How naïve to think we shared something sacred. I guess I’d always be his first, only now I was merely number one on his list.
Noah exhaled slowly, letting out the deepest fucking breath I’d ever heard. “Ryker.”
“Come again?” Venom had found its way into my voice. “You fucked other girls because I’m friends with Ryker?”
“No. That’s not it.”
“Then what?’
“You areeverythingto me, Ruby. My girlfriend. My best friend. But lately, I started noticing I was only one of those things to you.” He shook his head, his Adam’s apple working as he swallowed deeply. “I know it sounds pathetic, but I wanted to feel important, like I mattered, and I made a mistake trying to get that from someone else.”
I’d spent my whole life defending myself against remarks and assumptions when it came to my friendship with Ryker. I hadn’t expected Noah to pathetically fall for them.
“Think about it,” he went on. “You blew me off on Halloween because you were talking to Ryker.”
“I didn’t mean to–”
“You flew to Philadelphia last minute for his Senior Night, the same weekend my water polo presentations were on.”
A crease formed between my brows. “You never told me about your presentations.”
Noah snorted. “Like you would have come anyway.”
I opened my mouth then closed it. He had me there.
“I’ve been friends with Ryker the entire time we’ve been dating,” I bit, exasperated. “Why is it an issue now?”
“Because we’ve been living apart for four fucking years, Ruby. God, long distance is hard enough. But it’s a thousand times harder when your girlfriend is also doing long distance with another guy.”
Guilt slammed into me. Was he right? There were days I spoke to Ryker more than Noah. I’d done way more trips to Philadelphia than here. I’d taken the time to get to know Ryker’s friends, and yet, as I was just realising, I didn’t even know Noah’s roommate’s name.
“I’ve felt you slipping through my fingers for a while now, Ruby. Then when you decided you didn’t want to move home after graduation...”
He trailed off, rubbing at his temples.
I swallowed my pride. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I did feel bad for going to Ryker’s Senior Night, but it was... wait!” I chewed my lower lip, thinking back to that weekend. “When you called while Bri was driving me to the airport, had you had a girl in your bed that night?”
Noah’s face paled. “Yeah.”
“That was before you knew I was flying to see Ryker.”
“It was, but–”
“You know what, it doesn’t even matter. What matters is you broke my trust. You hurt me in a way I can never forgive.”
I balled my hands into fists, my nails digging into my palms. I wasn’t about to be gaslit into thinking my friendship with Rykermade me partly to blame. Just because Ryker was a guy, it didn’t give Noah an excuse. He wouldn’t even try using it as a scapegoat if it was Bri, Jaz or Daisy I lived far from.
“Please, Ruby,” Noah choked. “I can’t lose you. I love you.”
