Page 69 of The Best Little Christmas Shop
‘Alexandra.’
Oh crap. Now I was in trouble. My full name only ever came out when she was serious. I sat up.
‘What?’
‘I know you’re nowhere near as callous about people’s feelings as that commentjust made you sound.’
‘I’m not being callous. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant … it’s better for him that he does.’
I wrapped my hands around the mug and let its warmth filter through me.
‘So, that’s it?’
I pulled my blank stare away from the middle distance and focused back on Mum.
‘About what?’
‘About Cal. About the fact that when you’re with him you look the happiest any of us haveseen you in a long time. Are you really going to just let that go because there might be bumps in the road? We both know that’s not like you, Lexi. Even when the odds are against you, you’ve never given up. If anything, it’s just made you want it even more.’
I rested my head on Mum’s shoulder. ‘Oh, Mum. I’m not afraid of bumps. I’m afraid of a bloody great roadblock.’
She wrapped her arms aroundme and cuddled me in, resting her head on the top of mine.
I sighed. ‘And sometimes even fighting for something doesn’t mean you can get it.’
‘That’s true. But it’s unlike you to give up on something this early. Especially something as important to you as Cal and little George clearly are.’
‘It’s better this way.’
She sat me up. ‘And how do you figure that one out?’
‘Because … it just is.’
‘I do so enjoy a well thought out argument.’ I gave Mum a look and she winked at me. Sarcasm was definitely a family trait.
‘Taking this job will be good for me, and him. I don’t want to mess up the friendships he’s finally built since moving to the village so it’s easier that way. And then I’ll be gone a lot of the time. The longer I’m out of sight, the further I’m out of his mind, and him outof mine, and he can maybe meet someone who can offer him more. Racing is what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. It’s what I’m good at. I’m not good at relationships. So I should just stick with what I know I can do. And not least because it’s a whole lot less complicated.’
I was trying to sound convincing but I had a pretty good idea that it didn’t matter how far away I was from Cal Martin,he’d still be right there in my head.
‘A bit of complication is nothing when someone’s worth it. And I know that you think Cal is worth it.’
I shook my head. ‘I know you don’t really want me to take the job because it means I’ll be away a lot again but I think it’s for the best.’
‘Oh, Lexi.’ Mum rested her hands on my shoulders, gently squaring me towards her. ‘I want you to do whatever fulfilsyou and makes you happy. Of course I love it when you’re back and having you here has been wonderful! But if the mechanic’s job is what you want more than anything, then you should take it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t work things out with Cal as well.’ She dropped her hands to mine.
‘I wish it were that simple.’
‘Lexi, tell me what it is. There are few things that can’t be fixed if you reallywant them to be.’
I opened the dishwasher door and put my cup in. Closing it, I leant on the sink and looked out over the softly curving fields of white in front of me. Sheep dotted about made tiny little blips in the perfect covering as they plodded through the snow.
‘I’d thought Cal was happy with just having George. I mean, that’s the impression I’d got. Or maybe the one I’d interpreted formyself. But I’ve found out that he isn’t. He wants what we have here – what you have. And we both know that can’t be fixed however much I wish it.’
‘We don’t know that for sure, Lexi. The doctors have never said it’s impossible.’
‘Mum,’ I sighed, ‘Marco and I tried. Nothing ever happened.’
I saw the surprise in her face. ‘For how long?’
