Page 128 of My Year of Saying No
‘I felt a bit stunned, to be honest. By the look of the other two, I wasn’t the only one. And then Dad got up, came over and crouched down in front of me. I sat up a bit and he took my face in his hands and looked at me. Really looked at me so that I was focused back on him. And then he just said “No.”’
‘No?’ I asked, brushing away more tears with the back of my hand. Seb pulled a pack of tissues from his pocket and handed it over to me without comment. ‘Thanks. No what?’
‘Just no,’ he said, turning to me, a smile now thankfully having replaced the haunted look of earlier. Brushing a stray lock of hair back from my face, he caught a tear that had diverted and left a damp trail down my temple. ‘It seems that you and your year of saying no are quite influential. First your sister, then Harry, then Jess and now, of all people, my father.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘He told me how much he liked you first of all, and that whatever I’d thought you’d done, you hadn’t so that was up to me to fix, if you’d let me. But that was for another day. Then he said he needed to say something and I needed to listen. He said about remembering me mentioning you were having this year of saying no, and now it was my turn to say no.’
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I sat, waiting, watching. The dogs had dozed off and the noise and chatter of the show seemed distant as I concentrated on Seb.
He swallowed and began again. ‘He told me it was time to say no, but it had to be for more than a year. It was for ever. That I was to say no to all those thoughts of guilt – that, no, I wasn’t responsible for my mother’s death, or my friend’s. Both those things had happened, but I didn’t cause them, and it was time to stop blaming myself.’
‘Oh, Seb. And did you listen?’
He nodded. ‘I need to thank you.’
‘Me?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’m not sure I did anything.’
‘You did. Whatever you said, which I know now wasn’t what I thought, it got him thinking. And it got him talking. He’s not always been a big one for that, especially since Mum. He loves Olivia to bits, but he’s never opened up like he seems to have done to you.’
‘Olivia already has a lot on her plate with two small children. I expect he probably thinks she has enough to do without listening to him, although I have a feeling she’d be more than happy to.’
‘I think you’re right. But you seem to have the magic touch.’
‘I don’t know about that. But maybe magic can happen when you’re chatting to plants.’
Seb laughed suddenly, rolling his eyes. ‘Oh god, don’t tell me you talk to the damn things too!’
I slapped my hand across his mouth, watching as his eyes widened and then filled with laughter. ‘There’s thousands of plants here! You’ll hurt their feelings!’ I whispered.
Gently, he removed my hand, keeping hold of it within his own. ‘Hurt their feelings.’
‘Yes,’ I said, with a definitive air.
‘Right.’ He pulled a face. ‘My dad wasn’t growing anything dodgy up there, was he? You didn’t partake in a bit of the old…’ He made a cigarette puffing motion with his free hand and rolled his eyes up.
I batted him on the arm. ‘No, he isn’t and no we did not.’
‘I’m beginning to wonder. My dad talking like I can’t remember about some pretty personal stuff and both of you having conversations with plants. You’ve got to admit, it’s kind of weird.’
‘It’s not weird. Talking is good.’
‘You’re right.’ I didn’t mean that. Poor choice of words. And yes, it is good. And I’m not sure either of us will ever be able to thank you enough.’
‘Oh shush,’ I said, looking away. ‘I didn’t do anything.’
He caught my chin and I turned back to face him. ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘You did. Whether you intended to or not. Later, Dad said he was kind of surprised to find himself chattering away to you. I told him I could totally relate. That you have a way about you that makes everyone just spill the beans.’
We sat in silence for a few moments, just absorbing the peace and beauty of the surroundings.
‘My bum’s gone to sleep,’ I said, eventually.
