Page 77 of Winter at Wishington Bay
‘Let me explain before you judge me.’
‘Fair enough. I’m listening.’
‘It wasn’t the dog walking as such I was dreading, it was the time. Time I’d have to turn things over in my mind. Time alone with my thoughts.’
His comment now made more sense and I understood exactly what he meant.
‘When I came here I did a lot of walking. On the beach, out in the countryside, round the village. But I never went anywhere without my headphones and an audio book, or a podcast or the radio. Something, anything to keep the thoughts out of my head.’
Nate sat up a little. ‘That’s it. That’s it exactly. I did the same thing.’
‘So, what happened?’ I asked quietly.
‘I guess I realised that keeping things parked out of sight only works for so long. And it was kind of hard to keep track of my book or whatever when Bry was always charging up, ready to play. It felt unfair to him to only give him half my attention.’
I smiled and looked over at him. ‘You’re a big softy really, aren’t you?’
He gave a quirk of his eyebrows. ‘For my sins.’
‘There are far worse things to be.’
‘I guess that’s true.
‘So, how’s it going then? Letting all these thoughts in?’
‘Not as scary as I’d first thought. Some days are worse than others but I suppose that’s all part of the process.’
‘I think so.’
‘I wasn’t convinced of Gabe’s idea of coming here. I felt that I could write anywhere. That soulless hotel room in Sydney you mentioned when we first met, for one. But my baby brother has more insight than I gave him credit for. For him it was always about more than me just having a quiet place to write. It was a place for me to start healing. To start, for lack of a better turn of phrase, and at the risk of sounding a bit hippy dippy, finding myself again. Like you said, discovering who I am and who I want to be and getting on the road to making that happen.’
‘And how do you think that’s going?’ I asked.
Nate shifted on the sofa, turning to face me a little more. ‘Better than expected. Admittedly there was a small hiccup with nearly getting caught up with Corinne, which I definitely hadn’t planned on.’
‘But you felt you did the right thing?’
‘Definitely. I wasn’t looking for anyone when I came here, just like I told you, albeit rather clumsily now I think back on it.’
I shrugged it off. ‘Sometimes things happen when we are least expecting them. That doesn’t mean we should automatically write them off, just because they weren’t on our plan.’
‘No, that’s true,’ he said, before letting out an ‘oof’ noise as Bryan, who had now woken up from his nap, wandered over and decided to join us. His aim as he leapt up on to the sofa was either slightly off, or spot on, depending on what view you took. Nate’s own view was now through watering eyes.
‘Bryan, sweetie,’ I said, lifting him off Nate’s lap and settling him on my own for a few moments as Nate shuffled and recovered. ‘You’re totally adorable but you have to look where you’re going occasionally. We promised Gabe that we’d hand Nate back in one piece. You might be small but you know how fragile these male humans can be.’ Bryan tilted his head to one side and emitted a small squeak as he yawned.
‘I know, and yes, we still love you.’ At this, Bryan let out a contented sigh, walked round on my lap a couple of times and curled himself into me. ‘Don’t get too comfy down there. I’ve got to go in a minute.’
‘Do you have to leave?’
‘I’ve got a few things to pick up in the village and I’ve already disturbed your work for long enough.’
‘You’re not disturbing me. I like the company.’
I couldn’t help but grin. ‘Bet you didn’t think you’d be saying that a few weeks ago.’
‘Aah, come on. Give a bloke a break. I wasn’t that bad. Was I?’
I pulled a face and he grinned. To be fair, I didn’t think I’d be sat on this sofa musing on just how knee-meltingly good a smile Nate McKinley had a few weeks ago either. At that point in time, I wasn’t even convinced he could smile, so I guess in that respect we were pretty even.
