Page 76 of Winter at Wishington Bay
‘Did any of them help?’
‘I think some of them did, actually. Some of them weren’t for me but different things work for different people. And I think a good proportion of it was that I felt like I was taking back control. That I was making an effort to make the changes I wanted in my life, even if I wasn’t entirely sure what it was I actually wanted. The most important thing is that I realised what I didn’t want.’
‘And what was that?’
‘A life where I felt irrelevant.’
‘You could never be irrelevant, Sophia.’
‘Oh, you’d be surprised.’
‘I would,’ he returned, ‘You’ve got an energy about you. A drive. There’s no way you could ever just be… anything less than you are now.’
‘I was. Believe me. And I’m determined never to be that way again.’
Having finished his tea, Nate relaxed back into the soft cushions of the sofa. ‘So, what’s the story with you then? Everyone seems to already have a good idea as to what’s happened with me, something I need to have a word with my brother about, but you’ve lived here for some time now and no one seems to know that much about your history.’
I felt a discomfort creep through my bones.
Yes, and that’s exactly how I’d like it to stay.
‘Have you been spying on me?’ I asked, forcing a lightness into my tone that I wasn’t entirely sure sounded natural.
‘Not at all. People just seem to talk here. A lot.’
‘That is true, but they don’t mean anything by it. And don’t be cross with Gabe. It’s pretty hard to keep a secret in this place.’
‘You seem to have managed pretty well.’
I laughed off the comment. ‘It’s no secret I walked out on an unhappy marriage and ran away to the seaside.’
‘That can’t be all there is to it?’
‘Can’t it? Isn’t that enough?’ I asked quietly. ‘People the world over do the same thing every day in one way or another. People who once believed in those vows they made, who couldn’t imagine a life without that person they were joining themselves to. And then somewhere, somehow, for one reason or another, or maybe for no particular reason at all, suddenly it’s not working any more. This thing they’d believed in, that they’d both wanted, now wasn’t something they wanted at all.’
‘Or maybe only one of you still wants it.’
I sat back, both of us facing out towards the large glass doors, watching the clouds darken, turning the sea a heavy leaden grey. Seagulls swooped low and erratically as the wind caught them and blew them off course, their screeches competing with the strengthening storm.
‘And do you?’
He rolled his head on the back of the sofa lazily, and I turned at the movement.
‘What?’
‘Still want your marriage.’
‘I thought I did. For a long time after Serena left, I thought I did. Despite all the rows and tantrums and stress, I thought that if I just did this or that, it would be different if she’d just give us another try.’
‘And now?’
‘No. Not any more.’ He let out a sigh. ‘When I first came here, I dreaded having to walk the dog.’
I frowned, hurt on behalf of my four-legged friend.
Nate smiled. ‘Don’t look at me like that.’
‘I can’t help it,’ I replied, honestly.
