Page 65 of The Crown of Moonlight
Flora holds nothing back—except from herself.
That self-denial is what wins out this time, too.I see her pulling away even before she shakes her head.
“We need more food,” she says.“There’s a village not far from here, but we’ll need to get there before everyone goes to bed.”
Her voice is flatter, cooler, and she doesn’t meet my eyes.The distance between us suddenly feels more than physical.
Outside, the sun hasn’t yet fully set.Pools of light and dark still stripe the cavern floor, and I shadow-walk to stand beside her.Clasping her chin, I turn her to look at me, then I shift my hand to lay my palm along her cheek.
“What’s wrong?Do you regret what we did, sweetheart?”
She groans and tilts her head, leaning into my hand, chasing the contact.Then she rises on her toes and wraps her hands around my neck to bring her mouth to mine.It’s a deep kiss, claiming and angry, but it’s over too fast.
Her grey eyes are glazed and stormy.“It was unfair of me to ask that of you.”
“I can speak for myself.Did I not give you pleasure?”
“Too much.”She blushes again, pink racing up the long column of her throat and spilling across her cheeks.“I needed a choice, a memory, and you gave me that.I will never regret what we shared, but it can’t happen again.I have to marry—”
“No.You don’t.”
“Ido.”She shakes her head and gives me a smile that tugs at my heart.“Iwillhave to live with another man, and I have enough good sense to know the limits of what I can bear.The more I give myself to you, the more I’ll hate having to give myself to someone else.”
The thought of another man touching Flora is like a spear of ice in my heart.That’s followed by an ache of loss as I think of never being able to touch her again, never burying myself inside her, or losing myself in her fierce, generous heat.
I swallow the blow, but it settles in my chest.
Still, I’ve never yet had to talk a woman into my bed, and I won’t start now.
“If that’s what you need, that’s what will happen.”I drop a kiss on her hair, pretending to both of us that it will be as simple as that when we both know there’s still the rest of the journey to get through.
How do I turn the clock back on what I’m feeling?
I brought the horses in before we went to sleep, and I bedded them down with forage I gathered for them.Now the cavern smells of wet stone and manure, but the mares are still drowsing, their right hind legs resting on their toes and their hindquarters steeply angled.A tail twitches, and even that small sound suddenly seems too loud.
My eyes are locked on Flora’s, arguments milling in my head.Arguments aren’t what she needs, though.
I manage to smile and nod.Then, taking a clean shirt from the pack, I leave her with a bit of privacy while I retreat to the pool farther along the hillside and wash up as quickly as I can.
The dress, shift, and stockings that Flora left laid out on a rock in the sun are still too damp.I use a bit of magic to dry them with heated air before returning to the cavern and giving her a turn to bathe.
My regret at the situation between us hasn’t diminished, and I’m angry at myself for having allowed things to go so far.I should have expected that Flora would have regrets—and I wasn’t entirely honest with her.That thought alone unmans me.
I pack our supplies and saddle the horses while Flora has her bath, and by the time she is dressed and ready, I have my expression well-schooled and my feelings buried.I won’t make this any harder for her than it has to be.
Yet the blows keep coming.
“You should probably ride Bramble on your own now that you’re well enough,” Flora says when it’s time to leave.
She watches me carefully, biting the inside of her lip as though the suggestion makes her nervous.As though she expects me to argue.
I find my fist itching to crack the stone in the cavern wall.Not because of what she’s asking.I hate that she feels she has to tiptoe around me.I release a long, slow breath.
“If that’s what you think is best,” I say.
“With the watchfires on the far side of Loch Seil, we’ll need to take the harder route along this side.We’ll stand a better chance of outrunning patrols if we don’t ride together.”
We both know that’s not her only reason.
