Page 58 of Protecting the Boundary
“You don’t have to apologize,” she whispers, but her voice is thick like she’s fighting back emotion, and my gut churns with worry. I don’t ever want her to think she’s not important.
“I do,” I tell her. “You mean so much to me, Mere.” The words don’t feel like enough—not even close—but they’re all I have right now.
Fear holds me back. The last woman I fell in love with died and left me feeling more broken and hollow than I ever thought I’d experience. To open myself up to feel that way again is as terrifying as the reality that it might be too late for me to even have that fear.
I wince as my phone beeps. It’s the alarm I set to go back to the house just in case we fell asleep after we had sex. Of course, it goes off at the worst possible time for me to leave.
She pats my chest and kisses me, but the kiss feels more distant than it’s ever felt before. “You should get dressed and get back inside in case Kaylee needs you.”
“Mere—”
“We can talk more about it tomorrow.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, but still get up and get dressed. Instead of staying naked in bed, she gets up and puts pajamas on and walks me out. Panic starts to claw at my chest because this isn’t usually how we say good night. She should be in her bed, sated and sleepy, with the cute little smile she gets on her face after I kiss her good night.
Now, she’s got her arms crossed and she won’t look at me. I grab her chin between my thumb and fingers and gently tilt her face up. “Wewilltalk tomorrow because I’m definitely not done with thisconversation.”
I hate the hurt in her eyes, but more than that, I hate the understanding in them. Like she expected this of me.
I kiss her once more, and like our last kiss, she holds herself back instead of melting into it like she normally does. With a knot in my stomach, I go back into the main house.
When I walk in my room, I stop just inside the door and stare around the space. If she walked in here, what would she notice?
Sydney’s jewelry case on her dresser? The navy blue comforter with flowers on it that Sydney picked out? Sydney’s picture on my nightstand? I think about how I would feel if I saw a picture of another man on Meredith’s nightstand, and a fierce stab of jealousy slices my stomach.
I never want her to feel the way I feel right now, and I refuse to lose her, which means it’s time for me to finally put some of the past to rest.
I text the guys to see who’s available tomorrow. Only Dom is free, but he agrees to go shopping with me.
First and foremost, I need to get a new bed.
“This one’s bouncy. Not ideal for your back, but could be fun when you’re fucking,” Dom says as he sits on a mattress and tests it.
“Could you keep your voice down? There are other people around.”
He smiles. “Everybody has sex.”
“That’s not even close to true.”
He cocks his head side to side. “Okay, fair enough. How about this? Everyone is a result of sex and therefore shouldn’t be prudes about it.”
Well, at least it’s more accurate. I give him a look, and he chuckles but lets it go.
We walk past a few other mattresses. “So, what brought on this sudden need for a new bed? Haven’t you been sleeping with Meredith already for like a week?”
“I don’t know how I feel about you guys knowing such personal details about my sex life.”
He shrugs. “Stop avoiding the question.”
“We’ve been in the guesthouse.”
His face gets stern. “You’ve been leaving Kay alone overnight?”
“No.”
He stops walking and I turn around to face him, already dreading where this conversation is going.
“Explain.”
