Page 111 of To Bring You Back
“About this summer being a unique opportunity. By not being ready now, am I saying no to this for the last time?”
He’d focused out the windows again. Though the lines of pain and anger hadn’t returned, he might not promise her another chance. How she longed for a quick reassurance, preferably paired with a hug. She’d memorize the feel of his arms around her, and maybe that would help through all the time they would spend apart.
She licked her lips. “It’s occurred to me I’m the only one who’s said no to a relationship between us. I chose Fitz, and I chose guilt, and now I’m choosing something else again.”
He met her gaze, expression kind but sad, tired. “You’re choosing well this time. I wish you all the best, Adeline.”
His tone was gentle, but cues to cry flooded her face. “That sounds a lot like goodbye.”
He swung both feet to the floor, giving her a view of his profile, and propped his elbows on his knees. When he looked at her, his mouth and the skin around his eyes tightened as if it took masterful control to keep from a look of all-out despair. “Our time here’s up. We’re going back to LA tomorrow.”
Gannon couldn’t standto watch Adeline’s expression crumple into tears, so he stared at the floor. But he couldn’t bear to sit by while she sniffled either. He grabbed the tissues and walked them to her. After she blew her nose and stood to toss the tissue, he pulled her against his chest, cradling her head over his heart the way he’d done with her hand last night.
“I have a problem, Addie.” His voice came out rough with emotion he’d meant to suppress. This was too similar to saying goodbye to her when he’d left with John, Fitz, and Matt, bound for California, obligated to hide his feelings because she’d committed herself to someone else. “I’ve been trying to earn forgiveness too. On some level, I thought if I could keep Matt and Harper from destroying themselves, I’d make up for failing Fitz. But being one person’s hero doesn’t make up for failing another. Anyway, the only real hero is Jesus.”
She held tight to him, and he felt her hold her breath. “You were trying to save me too.”
“But it turns out I needed saving.” If it weren’t for her and the way events had unfolded this summer, Matt and Harper would still control swaths of his life. If it weren’t for all the reminders that they couldn’t earn forgiveness but only accept it, he might never have realized how hard he was trying to earn it.
But the woman in his arms was more than a spiritual realization. She saw him for who he was and gave him back as much as he invested in her. And where he’d had to turn Matt and Harper over to God, Adeline was running to Him all on her own.
Gannon would have to find the strength to let her. “You’re making the right choice.”
“This is harder than I thought it’d be.” Her arms tightened, and her voice cracked.
“For me too.” Even though he had information she didn’t.
Chip and Drew had told him that morning they’d rallied the community—the church and those who knew Adeline from the food trailer and other places—to give her house a makeover. Tegan was in on it too. Though the work had yet to begin, they’d put down deposits with contractors to fix the basement, put on a new roof, and update the kitchen. They’d refused Gannon’s offer to chip in beyond the painting he’d already arranged.
The old Adeline, the one he’d met when he’d first arrived, never would’ve accepted such a gift. But this Adeline? She might protest, but she’d give in, accept her friends’ expression of love as a blessing. She was in good hands here.
He held her until the urge to hook his finger under her chin and tilt her face up for a kiss dominated his thoughts. Stepping back, he took the notebook from the bed and passed it to her.
Her damp eyes focused on the worn cover. “What’s this?”
“A parting gift.” One New Year’s Eve, Awestruck had performed in front of a million people—more if those watching by television counted—and he hadn’t missed a beat. Now, he had to clear his throat. “I told you I had a stash of songs I wrote because of you. The recordings I gave you barely scratched the surface.”
She sniffed and blinked, clearing tears from her vision so she could study the notebook. Could she see from the places the red had worn off, letting white show through, all the time he’d spent with it? Did the stray pen marks reveal to her how he’d rushed to open it when a lyric came to mind or how he’d flipped it shut to hide his most personal thoughts when someone surprised him?
“You’re going to let me read them?” She hugged it to herself.
“I’m letting you keep them.”
“But you’re leaving. Don’t you need your notes for the album?” She held the notebook out to him, the expression on her face as if they were arguing over who should take the last lifejacket on a sinking ship.
Was that what this was? A sinking ship? If so, she was crazy if she thought he’d take something that might keep her afloat. “I have a copy of the recordings I gave you. Between those and what I’ve written since I arrived here, I have enough. Besides, the album was never the point of those songs. You were the point.”
Adeline wiped her thumb against her cheek, clearing tears, then practically fell into him again. She wrapped her arms around him so the notebook pressed his back, her face against his chest.
He almost lost it, pressure building behind his eyes. He stared at the wall and let out a deep breath.
“This isn’t goodbye forever, is it?” she asked.
“I hope not.”
“Are you sure? I haven’t been great to you. How many more chances are you going to give me to break your heart?”
He rested his cheek against her head and inhaled the floral notes of her hair. “At least one.”
