Page 112 of The Burning Mountain
Chandra’s brows scrunched as a suspicion lodged itself in her mind.
“It’s better if you tell her the truth now, Sameera,” came Queen Archana Devi’s voice as she, too, followed them into the airy chamber. “It has to come out at some point.”
“What truth?” said Chandra, looking at the people who all seemed to know something she didn’t. “Sameera?”
Sameera looked stricken, but gathered herself and spoke reluctantly, the words coming as if someone was dragging the confession out of her. “I…I’m not who I said I was. My brother isn’t a merchant in Amaravathi and I’m not his sister. I was born here.” She took a deep breath and spoke in a rush as if she wanted to get the damning words out as soon as she could. “I’m a Rajgarh spy. I was commanded by my queen to go to Amaravathi and get close to you. To be your friend and to get more information about what happened seven years ago.”
Chandra was shaking her head even before Sameera had finished speaking. “No. It can’t be true. Please tell me you’re lying. You…you’re teasing me, aren’t you? This is a game. I…” Her eyes fell on the queen, who had a sympathetic expression on her face. As if she understood how hard it was for her to accept this.
Chandra’s words of protest died. She thought back to the time she first met Sameera. How she hadn’t seemed to care that she was speaking to a princess who had been an outcast. Who had remained by her side through the yearly punishment and the recuperation, and later during her training in the martial arts. She had been her friend, her support, her confidante who knew the entire truth.
And all along, she had been a spy, revealing her deepest held secrets said in confidence. Her head pulsed in pain. A rushing sound whistled in her ears as she worked through the implications of her best friend being a spy all these years.
A big part of her wished Sameera had never revealed it and had gone on perpetrating the untruth. But Chandra knew itwouldn’t have worked. She already had been questioning some of the inconsistencies, like how Sameera seemed to know news before anyone else. But she had brushed it all aside, instead of listening to her own instincts.
“I’m so sorry, Princess. I was just doing my job. It was never my intention to hurt you, quite the opposite.”
“I was a job to you?” whispered Chandra, backing away. “You pretended to be my friend because it was a job?”
“You’re still my friend, Chandra. I didn’t betray our friendship.”
Anger overrode all the emotions storming inside her, pushing aside the hurt and burying the pain, and Chandra welcomed it. Anger was familiar, anger gave her strength not to fall to her knees or demand why.
“It is Princess Chandrasena to you,” she said haughtily, raising her chin. “And you didn’t just betray me but Kalpana and Guruji, everyone who cared about you all these years.” The bottom of her stomach dropped with a sudden realization. “Guruji! You participated in the tasks that Guruji set for me. They dealt with the internal affairs of Amaravathi. You were privy to everything I knew. My God! How much did I betray my country by having you by my side?”
“Please calm down, Princess. You didn’t betray anyone. Guruji knew about me all along.”
Sameera’s answer left Chandra feeling perplexed. “He knew? And he didn’t oust you? I find this hard to believe.”
Sameera firmed her mouth. “He didn’t, Princess. Because he thought you needed me as your friend. We’ve been careful about the information he shared with me. You didn’t betray your country.” Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears, but they beseeched her. “Please, Princess. I was never disloyal to you or our friendship. Please believe me.” She extended a hand in entreaty.
Chandra recoiled from her and stared at Sameera’s outstretched hand, her face twisting in disgust. “You were my friend, and I loved you like one, but for the last seven years I was a job, a mark, a task for you. What kind of fool do you take me for, that I would believe you now? A person like you who peddles lies doesn’t deserve the trust of friendship. I do noteverwant to see you again. Leave!”
Sameera turned pale. She dropped her hand, and her eyes seemed frozen and empty of feeling. Chandra recognized that look, having donned it herself far too many times. It was an act to shield yourself from further hurt by freezing all emotions.
Chandra turned away, blinking rapidly to stem the flow of tears at having to do this to a person she still cared for, despite her betrayal. She came face-to-face with the judgmental stares of the others in the room and reached an uncomfortable realization. This was Rajgarh. Not Amaravathi. Or even Devarakonda. Her words carried no weight here.
And her behavior was inexcusable, as evidenced by the expression on her mother-in-law’s face.
When Queen Archana Devi spoke, her voice was quiet but heavy with admonishment. “You are in Rajgarh now, Princess. Your loyalty, though admirable, should belong to your husband, and therefore, his kingdom.”
That reminder, on top of the recent betrayal, cracked her heart, leaving behind a gaping wound she knew would never heal.How?How was she supposed to transfer her loyalty and love just like that? And yet those were the rules of the Saptavarsha. Their culture. A woman once married belonged wholly to her husband. She wanted to howl at the unfairness of it all.
Heat rose in her cheeks and her eyes pricked once again as she thought about how she must appear to them. She just insulted the queen by shouting at her employee,in front of her,failed to greet her properly, and very likely, broke all the rules of conduct expected of a princess. Not to mention her presumption in dismissing a spy of this kingdom like a common servant. This wasn’t how she expected her first day in Rajgarh to be.
Memories flickered of how they had met, of happier times, of the many conversations and hours spent in pleasant companionship. Doubt muddied those clear memories and now she viewed them with a new lens, looking for hidden intents, slipups that she ought to have noticed. And overlying everything was the question of whether her trusting nature had turned her into a gullible fool.
Her heart beat jerkily and her nose tingled as she felt herself lose the grip on her tears. An emotional breakdown loomed, and she would rather die than have it here in front of these people.
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this now. Please excuse me.” Chandra choked out the apology and fled, aware she was abandoning decorum, but at that moment, she didn’t care.
Sameera wipedat the tears that silently trickled down her cheeks as she walked out of the hallway and down the stairs. Thankfully, she was alone. She stopped for a moment, leaning against the wall for support, wiping her eyes with herdupatta, choking down a sob.
“It was meant to be just a job, Meera.” Shota’s soft voice came from behind her. “Spies cannot afford to develop feelings.”
She closed her eyes in pain. Of course, he would have followed, to make sure she was all right. She wasn’t ready to face him again. Not now when she felt so raw and exposed.
She cleared her throat. “It’s good, then, Shota, that you were made the spymaster. I can never be like you where nothing ever touches me,” she said as she continued her way down the stairs.
