Page 22 of After the Fire
“She was supposed to stay for Granny’s birthday, but she didn’t show up. Instead, he invited you. Weird, huh?” She smiled, then hid her lips, like she was trying to stop herself.
“So weird,” I said, avoiding her gaze.
“He was also supposed to leave yesterday. This is the first time inyearsthat he’s stayed more than what was necessary. Usually, he leaves the day after whatever function we have going on,” she added. “Oh! Maybe he’s avoiding Clara? I mean, they did live together, so he’s giving her time to move out or whatever? Yeah, that makes sense.”
She was talking to herself now, going through all these scenarios out loud. My head was clouded with thoughts of Santiago, the way he treated me, my reaction to him.
“Actually, it’s getting late, and I have to finish up some things in my room. Do you mind if I take a rain check on dessert?”I said.
Lucía stood up at the same time as me and hugged me. A comfortable, cozy hug. A hug that felt like we had been friends for years.
12
THE OTHER CONFESSION
As soon asI heard the knock, I immediately knew who it was. Life had a stupid tendency to take me back to a place I never wanted to be, like it was making fun of me for the choices I’d made.
“Hey,” he said, his arms crossed over his chest. He was leaning on the wall across the hall from my door, his hair still damp from a shower. Santiago’s mouth turned up in a smile, a smile so genuine that it crinkled his eyes. His eyes, normally a deep blue, looked lighter today, like they were lit from within. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I haven’t seen you in a while and the last time we actually spoke, you ran away.”
This infuriatingly considerate man. Why couldn’t he just ignore me and pretend like I didn’t exist? I knew I had been doing that for the better part of a decade—not just to him, but basically to anyone that wasn’t my family or Manuel or Cata.
“Why are you here, Santiago? I want to think I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m doing alright with my book and my own self. You don’t need to follow me like a puppy,” I said, immediately regretting my tone. For the past few days, he had shown me that he was, indeed, concerned for me. “I don’t need your pity, thank you very much.”
He sighed, the longest sigh I’d heard from him, his brow creasing in confusion. “Vee?” he asked. “Are you okay?”
And that was all it took for me to break down, for the tears to start running down my cheeks, giant blobs of water that wouldn’t stop. I furiously swiped them with the back of my hands, embarrassed at how vulnerable I was around him. I nodded, then hid my face behind my hair and covered my eyes with the back of my hand. I felt so uncomfortable, the thoughts running in my head, all while trying to keep my composure in front of this man who was decidedly not my friend.
I felt his large arms wrap around me before I could even hear him move. His right hand went straight to the back of my head, pushing down ever so gently so that my head rested on his broad chest. His left hand trailed up and down my back in a move so intimate and tender that my heart fluttered. “You can tell me, you know? You don’t need to hold it in. Can I help with anything?”
The tears eventually stopped. Maybe it had been ten minutes, maybe two hours, but he held me the whole time, in silence and swaying slowly to the beat of a silent song. I took a deep breath and a step back. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not normally like this,” I said apologetically.
Santiago’s face contorted with what I could only assume was anger mixed with confusion.
“What? I’m sorry, I don’t want to trouble you with whatever is weighing me down. You’ve been really nice, and this is how I repay you.” I huffed a sad laugh, and the corners of my mouth lifted in a pathetic attempt at a smile. “Thank you, I’m okay.”
“What can I do? Put me to work, anything. Even getting you food, going for a walk? Let’s go for a walk.”
“No, I’m good. I’m just going to stay here and fight with my thoughts. I’ll probably go back to the city soon. I’ve created enough of a mess as it is, and I need to go clean it up.”
“Seriously, Victoria? What mess did you create? Manuel cheated on you. I think that’s enough to want to get away from, don’t you?”
But it wasn’t just that. It was much more than that that had me paralyzed in this hell of a town. It wasn’t that simple; it wasn’t simple at all.
“It’s not that simple, Santiago. And you’re just saying that because you have everything you want and need.” I looked at his face, his features softening as the words kept coming out of my mouth.What is wrong with you? Stop talking.“A really great career, an amazing family to rely on, a gorgeous girlfriend. I’m just a sad, pathetic nothing that ended up in a town in the middle of nowhere because she’s not strong enough to stand up to her grandmother and tell her she’s not marrying her cheating fiancé. How is that for pathetic?”
“Self-deprecating looks ugly on you,” he said, taking a step back and sitting on the bed. “Why do you care what everyone else thinks of you? You should be doing whatyoulove, not whatever anyone else—your grandmother or your friends or your fiancé or whoever—thinks you should be doing. I understand mandate, believe me, I do, but that doesn’t mean you have to follow the path that’s been presented to you.”
“It’s not really like that. Remember how I talked about my grandfather? I told you he was a reader and I kind of inherited that. Well, he’s been this larger-than-life presence in my life. He disappeared, was kidnapped in the eighties, and never returned. And our lives, our collective lives, were never the same. He was a lawyer, so naturally I was encouraged to follow that path. He was a reader, I’m a reader. He was a serious man, focused on his family and his career, and I want to think I’m similar, but everything that is happening around me is like… I don’t know. It’s like my life is a house of cards and suddenly the wind is blowing a little bit harder, and the whole house is swaying dangerously.” I took a giant breath, almost relieved to be letting go of this. “And then this whole thing with Manuel exploded in my face, and then I see that picture in your family’s home, and it’s too much. My life is burning around me, and I don’t know how to put the fire out.”
“What picture? What are you talking about?” he asked curiously. I sat right next to him on the bed, his eyes searching for answers on my face. The sounds of the night could be heard even through the closed windows. People on the street laughing and enjoying themselves, having fun. Carefree. Like the weight of the world was solely on me.
“That’s the reason I ran away the other night… Seems like it’s a pattern with me,” I said, looking out the window and wishing that life were different. “You know, your family was so nice the other night, and I was having a really good time. And then when I went to the library, I just wanted to take a peek at all those shelves and the many books your parents have there, maybe even borrow one to keep me company. Anyway… I walked in, and there were a bunch of photos hanging on the wall, and in one of them, your grandfather is standing right next to mine. Which is, like, the strangest thing because my grandfather disappeared, and why would he have ties to this town, but alsowhat? I’m sure, almost one hundred percent certain, that man is my grandfather. I have his eyes, you know? And the house of cards rocked a little harder and the wind blew a little stronger and I just don’t know what to do. It’s too much.”
“Wow” was his only response. He kept searching my face in complete silence. Like he was thinking thoroughly about what he would say next. “Okay, let’s go.”
“Where?”
“C’mon.” He held out his hand and as soon as I stretched mine towards him, he locked our fingers together and dragged me out the door.
