Page 59 of After the Fire
“Why do you keep trying to put words into my mouth? That’s not what I think at all,” he said. I turned back to look at him, and he shook his head. He wiped his hand down his face and opened his mouth to talk but quickly closed it.
“I know you feel sorry for me, Santiago.” What could I even say at this point? This wasn’t going anywhere. I had my life back in the city, and I needed to go back to my best friend and meet my niece. Life moved on, and I needed to move on with it.
“Damn it.” He was flustered, both his hands in his hair. He scratched his scalp, the sound taking me back to the one and only night we shared. “I’m in love with you. Do you need me to spell it out too?”
I gasped. “What are you talking about?” I whispered.Love? Who ever talked about love?
“I refuse to love you in the dark, Victoria. You’ve been on my mind every single day since that first day in college, and fuck if I’m letting you go again.”
“Santiago.” He moved one step closer to me. The back of my knees were already touching the bed. Everything was on fire. His gaze, set on me. My body, yelling at me to take him, make him own it. “I can’t.”
“I’m done.” His palms slapped his thighs, and he took a step back. “I’m not doing this anymore.”He shook his head, the pain in his eyes real and rawer than I’d ever seen because I put it there.
“Do what?” I spat out. “What is it you aren’t willing to do anymore?”
“Victoria.” He took a deep breath and then released it. The tension was palpable. I knew I was pushing him away, but it was exactly what I needed at that moment. Because I didn’t recognize myself there in that town with him. “Okay. Well, if you ever decide to come back to me, you know where I am,” Santiago said and turned towards the door.
If I hadn’t been paying close enough attention, I wouldn’t have noticed his microsecond of hesitation. Just a tiny glitch in time where maybe he stopped to give me a chance to say something, to take it all back. But then he kept going, all the way to the door, closing it behind him, his back tense and his muscles bunched. Defeated.
He walked away.
From us, Victoria.
29
THE REALIZATION
The airin the city was still humid, despite the signs of an early fall. I stood outside the airport doors waiting for a car to pick me up, to take me straight to Catalina’s side. Her baby had been born while I was flying, and my phone was flooded with messages as soon as I landed. Mostly messages from my brother, but the majority of them were messages from Susana. Because she knew I could never say no to my best friend, and I would come running back to her the moment she needed me. In that sense, my brother and I were similar—we were controlled by Catalina. She had us wrapped around her finger. And Susana hated that but knew exactly how to use it to her advantage.
Susana was waiting for me back at her house, she told me, and I was preparing myself to get castigated for what had happened. She would never let this go, even if I was already on my way to closing that chapter. I felt a strong pang of guilt running through my body. I wanted to talk to her, to my father and his sisters, to my brother. I knew what I had to do for my sake.
The drive to the hospital was short but so different than my past four weeks in that small town. The sounds of the city were overwhelming, the silence so rare that you would have to actively seek it out. People moved at a different pace on the sidewalks, something uniquely missing from Tres Fuegos. I rested my head on the car window and closed my eyes, willing time to go by faster. By the time I got to the hospital, it was getting dark, and the streetlights were slowly turning on. The sidewalks were filling up , people leaving work and going about their night.
“Hi,” I whispered, tears already forming in my eyes as I walked into the room. I had taken the elevator up from the lobby, my suitcase trailing behind me. “How are you feeling?”
Catalina looked exhausted, but her eyes were exploding with love, a true depiction of heart eyes. My brother was sitting at the foot of the bed, cradling their little baby girl in his arms, unable to look away from her.
“Oh my god, what are you doing here?” she squealed, flinching as soon as she realized it was probably a little too loud for the brand-new tiny ears in their proximity. “I told you to not come back,” she said, staring daggers into my eyes. “When did you get back?”
“I landed a couple of hours ago. Came straight here,” I said, walking fully into the room. Catalina scooted to the side and patted the spot right next to her on the bed. “I hope it’s okay?”
The room was large, with the typical hospital bed to one side and a full sitting area to the left, where there were already a few white-and-pink flower arrangements and a gift basket, maybe sent to her by her work colleagues or her small but close family members. The view out the window was incredible. The sun was slowly setting in the horizon, and the golden light reflected on the rooftops all around.
I walked closer to her, taking a moment to admire the small little family in front of me. She was beaming.
“How are you feeling?” I asked her again as I sat next to her. I kissed her cheek and slid my arm around her shoulder, squeezing tightly and pulling her closer to me. “You look good.”
“Please, you can’t lie to save your life,” she said, huffing but smiling softly at the same time. “I feel exactly the way I look. Like shit. Do you want to hold her?”
I stood and washed my hands in the small sink by the bathroom door, then turned to them, ready to hold that precious baby in my arms. Sink into her, admire her, smell her. Relish her. Agustín placed her in my arms in a swift but delicate motion, then told us that he was going to grab a coffee and let us catch up.
The baby was adorable and looked like a perfect combination of both of her parents’ best features. Her skin was perfectly pink, and her eyelashes were dark and long, just like her hair.
“Why are you here?” Catalina asked, getting straight to the point. “No one wants you here, you know?” I pointed my gaze at her, narrowing my eyes until she laughed loudly.
“My time there came to an end, and I need to get back to work.” Bullshit.
“Bullshit. You are running away again.” How did she do it? She knew me even better than I knew myself. I sighed and sat at the foot of the bed, facing Cata, who was still resting against the headboard, her hair matted and stuck to her neck, her skin a little shiny with sweat. “What happened?”
