Page 25 of Loving Josy
“I’m scared, Noah,” she admits, her voice barely audible. “I’m scared that this will end badly, and I’ll lose you all over again.”
Her words hit me like a punch in the gut, but I pull her closer, resting my forehead against hers, my voice soft yet steady. "You're not going to lose me. Not this time."
Her eyes flicker with doubt when she pulls back just enough to look at me. "How do you know that? How can you be so sure we can be something? We haven’t been friends in the past ten years, Noah. I don’t even know you anymore. You don’t knowme. We’re completely different people now. I don’t think I can do this. Let’s just stay friends, Noah. Please."
Her eyes are pleading with me, and my chest tightens. I’d give anything to be with her, but I know that right now I have to let this go. I have to set aside what I want and give her what she’s asking for, time. If friendship is the only way I can keep her in my life, then that’s what I’ll give her. I’ll show her that I’m here, that I’m not going anywhere. And when she’s ready, we’ll figure out the rest.
I’ll prove to her that I’m not the same boy she used to know. I’m different now. I’m willing to fight for her, to fight for us, even if it means being patient and waiting for the right moment to show her how much she means to me.
I lean down and press a soft kiss to her lips. The feel of her mouth on mine, even in this brief, gentle touch, is everything I’ve imagined and more. It’s like electricity surging through me, and I know without a doubt that I love this woman.
When I pull back, I offer her a soft smile and nod. "Okay, sweetheart. Let’s be friends. For now."
The words feel foreign on my tongue, but I know it’s the only way to keep her close. And I’ll take it, for now. I’ll wait for her, for us. Because Josy is worth waiting for, and I’m not going to let her slip through my fingers again.
Standing, I look at Josy one last time. I give her a small smile, and she returns it, followed by a soft nod. I understand what it means. This is goodbye for now, at least.
I turn and walk to my truck without looking back, knowing that if I do, I’ll break. I’ll turn around, drop to my knees, and beg her over and over to give us a chance. So I don’t look back.
The drive home is silent, but my mind is anything but. I replay everything that happened today, every moment with Josy. I can still feel the way she fit perfectly in my arms, the warmth of her skin beneath my hands, the soft whimpers shemade as I claimed her. It was everything I’d imagined for years and more. So much more.
When I get home, I head straight for the shower, the day’s dirt and sweat still clinging to me. As I strip off my clothes, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Light scratches mark my chest, and the sight makes me smile. Josy left her mark on me in more ways than one, and I will wear them with pride. Today I got glimpse of what it could be between her and me, and I am not backing down. Not this time. This time I will make her mine.
I step into the shower, the cold water cascading over me. Part of me doesn’t want to wash her away, doesn’t want to lose the traces of her still lingering on my skin. But it has to happen. As the water hits, I try to focus on the task at hand, to clear my head, but it’s no use.
She’s still there in my mind, in my heart. I can still feel the way she felt around me, like she was made for me. Every inch of my body remembers her and no amount of cold water can change that.
The gentle murmur of the river should be calming, but my mind is miles away, stuck on Josy. I cast my line, trying to focus on the subtle pull of the current, but it does little to ground me. I’m here with my best friends, supposed to be enjoying a peaceful Sunday, yet I can’t stop replaying yesterday in my head.
Esteban and Austin, on the other hand, are their usual selves, talking like they’ve got no worries in the world. Austin’s going on about his soon-to-be stepson Adrian's soccer season. "Man, seventh-grade soccer is no joke this year. Practices are intense. Kid’s already better than I was at his age." He chuckles as hereels his line back in. "I just hope this season Adrian can be less distracted. Last season, it was hard for him to keep his head in the game."
"I get it," I say, casting my line again. "But you’ve got to give the kid a break. His mom was kidnapped during his first game. It’s totally understandable if he’s dealing with some PTSD after that." Austin sighs at my words.
Last year was rough. Violet started getting letters from a stalker, and it all came to a head when she got kidnapped during Adrian’s first soccer game. Honestly, one of the scariest days of my life.
"I can't imagine what Adrian went through," Esteban says.
It was terrifying for all of us. Violet being taken like that... the helplessness we all felt. Thankfully, she was found and the stalker’s locked up now, but I can understand how that still affects Adrian, especially on the field.
"Therapy’s helped a lot," Austin continues, his voice lightening just a bit. "But we’ll see how things go once the season starts. If I have to shackle Violet to the bleachers so Adrian can focus, I will," he adds with a chuckle, trying to keep things upbeat.
Esteban laughs along, but I can see Austin’s still worried. No parent wants to see their kid go through that kind of trauma.
Esteban, never one to miss out on sharing the latest from his wild life, leans back in his chair with a grin. "Speaking of intense, you won’t believe what happened last night." He raises his eyebrows suggestively, knowing he’s about to steal the show. "Met this gorgeous girl at The Honey Tavern. When I say gorgeous, I am saying the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen in recent years. One thing led to another, and let’s just say she impressed me a lot. And you guys know that I’m not easily impressed. It was a good night."
Austin laughs, shaking his head as he casts his line again. "You’re a mess, man."
"What? Why?" Esteban pretends to be offended, even though the smirk on his face gives him away.
Austin chuckles. "Dude, you gotta stop sleeping around. Find yourself a nice woman and settle down."
At that, both Esteban and I burst into laughter, the sound echoing over the water.
Esteban, wiping a tear from his eye, says, "Just because you got lucky finding Violet and Noah here is finally realizing he wants Josy, doesn’t mean I’m gonna stumble into the same fate. Besides, I’m good with the way things are. If someone comes along, I won’t push her away, but until then? I’m all about having fun."
Austin shakes his head with a grin, but his eyes flick over to me, noticing my silence. He knows what I’m thinking without me even having to say a word. Esteban might be all about enjoying the moment, but my mind’s been stuck on Josy all day.
I give a small smile but stay quiet. It’s usually easy to get lost in their banter, but not today. My mind keeps drifting back to last night with Josy, the way she felt, the way she looked at me. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her. No matter what I do, she’s stuck in my head.
