Page 30 of Loving Josy
Chapter Fifteen
Josy
I’m exhausted. I’ve been feeling like crap for days now, and I’m desperate to feel normal again. Every morning I wake up with a pounding headache, nausea, and dizziness, and nothing I eat agrees with me. This is the worst possible time to get sick. With the new coffee shop opening soon so I need all the energy I can get.
Even with Violet’s help, it feels like I’ll never catch up. I can’t afford to be sidelined right now. I need to visit my doctor and figure out what’s going on. I’ve always been pretty healthy, so this constant exhaustion is new and frustrating.
I take a deep breath and look around the shop. It’s finally coming together. The inventory is here, I hired a manager and a few baristas that start training next week. Soon, I’ll only need to come out to Sweet Springs once a week. For now, though, it feels like I’m living here, driving one hour back and forth every day to make sure everything’s set up.
The cash register just arrived, and as I start unpacking the box, the room spins. I stop, gripping the counter for support before sinking into the nearest chair. My eyes close, and I take a few deep breaths to steady myself.What is going on with me?
After a few minutes, I start to feel okay, but I stay seated, worried that if I stand, the dizziness will hit again. I pull the box closer and unpack it on the floor, taking my time. When I’m sure I’m steady, I stand and start installing the register. As I work, I can’t help but imagine this place filled with customers, the hum of conversation, the smell of fresh coffee, and it fills me with excitement. This shop will finally come to life soon. And it will be one of many coffee shops that I hope to open. This one will be ready for Thanksgiving season, and I just can’t wait.
When I am done setting up the register, I head to the kitchen to put away part of the food inventory in the pantry. But the moment I walk in, my eyes land on the metal counter, the same counter where I gave myself to Noah. It happens every time I enter this kitchen. There’s no way to avoid it. The memories rush back all at once, and I can’t push them away.Do I even want to push them away? I don’t think so.
It’s not that I don’t think about him. I do. Every single day, Noah Ross is on my mind, how he looks, the way his voice sounded when he was turned on, how he made me feel. God, I wish I was braver. I wish I could just talk to him. But I’m so damn scared. Scared of these feelings that have come roaring back. I don’t want to get hurt again, so I’ve kept my distance as much as possible. But every night when I close my eyes and every morning when I wake up, he’s there in my thoughts.
It’s been six weeks since that day, the day I got to kiss him for the first time and also had sweaty, amazing hot sex. I’ve seen him a few times at the coffee shop where he has tried to start a conversation. One that I can’t seem to have with him because every time my eyes land on him I can’t stop my dirty thoughts. He is so freaking handsome and now that I know how it feels to be surrounded by him I just can’t. That’s why I've been hiding out here in Sweet Springs, keeping busy with the new location. Iknow I’m being ridiculous. We said we’d be friends, but I haven’t given him a chance since that night, and I don’t think I can.
Because the truth is, I don’t think I can just be friends with him. I feel too much. How could I possibly hide my feelings? How could I stand by and watch him be with someone else? Every single day for the past six weeks, these questions have haunted me.
I place my hands on the counter, squeezing it as if grounding myself can keep the memories at bay. But they rush in anyway, vivid and consuming.
I remember the way Noah kissed me hungry, desperate like a man who’d been starving for years. How his hands roamed over me, igniting every nerve. How alive I felt in that moment, like no one had ever touched me before. His whispered words echo in my mind:I need you.
Then the final, undeniable truth of that night, the way he moved inside me, claimed me, and filled me completely.
Oh, God.
My eyes snap open, my heart seizing with sudden panic. That’s when I remember that we didn’t use protection.
Everything falls into place like a cruel puzzle. The nausea. The dizziness. The exhaustion I’ve been chalking up to stress. My chest tightens as I whisper to myself, “Oh, shit.”
No. It can’t be. One time couldn’t have done this. Could it?
But deep down, I already know.
I don’t think; I just move. Grabbing my keys, I leave the shop without a second thought, the thud of my boots against the pavement mirroring the pounding of my heart.
The drive to the pharmacy is a blur. My hands tremble as I snatch a box of pregnancy tests from the shelf, my movements frantic, the cashier’s curious glance unnoticed.
Back at the shop, I lock myself in the bathroom, tearing open the box like it’s a lifeline. My breaths are shallow as I followthe instructions, my hands shaky as I set the test down on the counter and start the timer.
Then I wait.
Three minutes. Three endless, excruciating minutes that feel like three hours.
I pace the small bathroom, my thoughts spiraling out of control. What if it’s positive? What then?
I’m not ready for this. I’m barely keeping my head above water with the coffee shop, and now this? Noah and I aren’t even together. Hell, this was supposed to be a one-time thing.Liar.
I groan, running my hands through my hair. “Okay, Josy. Calm down. Don’t freak out about the ‘what ifs.’ Just wait for the test.”
But my rational side has no chance against the chaos. I keep pacing, my legs restless, my hands tugging at my hair.Stress.That has to be it. I haven’t had my period because of stress. That makes sense, right? I nod to myself, trying to cling to the thought, but the gnawing fear won’t leave.
Finally, the timer goes off, breaking the silence.
I stop pacing, my heart lodged in my throat. Taking a steadying breath, I approach the counter, every step feeling heavier than the last. My reflection in the mirror looks pale, wide-eyed, unrecognizable.
