Page 6 of Defying the Crown
"I'm not sure how I should feel about you expecting me to call" I reply anxiously, fidgeting with the edge of my sleeve.
"I wouldn't worry about that, I just saw it and assumed that things would get quite heated at home after what you told me about your father. I know how these situations tend to escalate."
"You're not wrong. He threatened to disinherit me tonight." I can hear Ingrid gasp in shock, and she's quiet for a moment. The silence feels heavy between us.
"I'm sorry he said that. How are you feeling? Really feeling?"
"Honestly, I'm halfway between a having a panic attack or just taking a long sad bath where I ponder how my life got this messed up. Maybe both at the same time."
"That's fair, though I wouldn't say your life is messed up. You just have people in your life who put an immense amount of pressure on you. It only seems reasonable that you would struggle with it, anyone in your position would. This isn't a normal situation for anyone to handle."
"Not my father" I reply bitterly, my free hand clenching into a fist.
"I don't believe that for a second. He might not show his struggles, but I'm sure he does have them. Have you talked about this with anyone else apart from me? It might help to get their perspective on what happened. Sometimes fresh eyes can see things differently."
"Yeah, Ella was there when he said it. She called him, and I quote, an "asshole." Her exact words." Ingrid laughs, the sound warm and genuine.
"Your sister certainly has a way with words, and I'm glad you have her to support you. Have you managed to find anyone else you can talk to? You need a support system that doesn't just include your sister, your secretary, and your therapist. It's important to have different perspectives."
"No, you know how it is. Everyone knows I'm the Prince, and I can't trust anythingthey say to me. For all I know, they are just sucking up to me to turn around and sell my stories to the highest bidder. It happened before when I was in school, and father had to intervene."
"Well, what if you found a place where you could be anonymous and just talk to other people with similar struggles? There are websites and forums where you can anonymously talk to people with problems like yourself. Places where no one would know who you are."
"I don' t think I can just go on there and post 'Hi I'm the Crown Prince of Denmark and I'm depressed and sad and my father hates me'" I reply sarcastically, rolling my eyes even though she can't see me.
"I'm going to choose to ignore your sarcasm just now. You know what I mean. This could be good for you."
I sigh, recognizing the firm tone in Ingrid's voice. That's the tone where she shows she has a hard side, and isn't all soft and squishy. She's not going to back down until I give in and let her tell me what she's thinking. I've heard this tone enough times to know what's coming.
"There's a site I heard about from one of my colleagues. I'm going to forward it to you; try it and see what happens. No pressure, just give it a chance."
"Okay, I'll take a look at it. Thanks for listening Ingrid. Really."
"Always. Now go get some sleep, it's getting late. And Harald? Try to be kind to yourself."
The phone line disconnects, and I hear my phone chime with an incoming message.
I scoff at the message. Ingrid is predictably consistent, and from past experience she isn't going to drop it until I do this. I grab my laptop, quickly bringing up the website, and create an account. I pick the usernameDeprimeretPrins, smiling to myself at my own little joke; it means depressed prince. The chance of anyone knowing what that means outside of Denmark is slim to none. Besides, sometimes the best place to hide is in plain sight.
The forum is full of posts with lots of stories of people struggling. It seems like everyone on here introduces themselves in the same thread with their backstory, so I might as well do the same. I quickly write up a post, being careful not to expose who I am and remain vague enough. It's actually kind of cathartic to write this all down, rather than bottling it up and waiting for it to explode. My fingers hover over the keyboard for a moment before I begin typing.
New Post by DeprimeretPrins:
20Sep2024 22:35
Hi,
It looks like everyone introduces themselves on here, so I guess I'll do that too. I'm 26 years old, male, and I live in Denmark. I'm 6 feet tall, blond hair, blue eyes, just your typical Nordic guy blessed with good genes, I suppose. Though sometimes these "blessings" feel more like a curse, constantly being noticed when all I want is to fade into the background. I'm also gay and in the closet, my father is deeply homophobic and me being gay would never be accepted.
For most of my life I've struggled with depression and anxiety. I'm forced to cope with the demands that my family places on me, and this causes those issues to flare up. My mother died when I was young, and after that my father became even more closed off and cold than he already was with us. He has high expectations for me especially, and I consistently fail to meet them. He thinks of me as an embarrassment, and at times I can't help but feel embarrassed of myself too. The constant criticism wears you down, like waves against a cliff, until you start to crumble.
My family is well off, so I don't work, but I do spend a lot of time engaged in charitable events. I feel useless more often than not, and I don't feel like anything I am doing in my life has worth or value. At the same time, I also feel powerless because my family expects me to do this and I don't have a choice in it. Every day feels like going through the motions, smiling when expected, speaking when prompted, like some wind-up toy performing for others' entertainment.
A few months ago I fell into a deep depression, which was the result of the pressure of my father's expectations becoming too much. I was at a charitable event and basically lost it and had a meltdown. After that I spent three weeks in a hospital being poked and prodded by doctors, before they finally released me back to my gilded cage. The whole experience was humiliating, but at least it forced everyone to acknowledge that something wasn't right.
The only good thing to come from my time in the hospital was one of the therapists, who is actually the person that suggested I come here. Hopefully this site will help me find and connect with others! Sometimes just knowing you're not alone can make all the difference.
I submit the post and go to scroll away from the page when one of the messages catches my eye. It's from a user with the name MindoverMatter, and his story grabs my attention. Reading through it, I can tell he's had ahard life and it almost makes me feel like I already know him. His stay in the hospital sounds a lot like mine, minus the knife. There's something raw and honest about his words that resonates with me deeply. I post a comment, trying to be witty, before closing my laptop. I'm sure that won't go anywhere, but at least I did respond to someone. Maybe reaching out, even in this small way, is a step in the right direction.
